Lumps and Butterflies

The public speaker I refer to is Stew Cabe, and I highly recommend checking out his speeches on YouTube.

You missed the public speaker at school that came and talked about butterflies. He was funny, and he ultimately explained through a series of stories why we get butterfly in our stomachs and lumps in our throats (I won't go into detail). Anyway a lot of people were moved by his speech but I couldn't help but have an entirely different reaction. I couldn't help but be confused. I couldn't help but think about you.
     I asked myself how is it that someone who gives you all the butterflies in the world can also give you the hardest lumps to swallow? And let me tell you... these lumps burn. They make my eyes water and my chest hurt. But those lumps don't compare to the butterflies. Because when I see you i feel them come to life, when you talk their wings vibrate, and then when you look into my eyes and smile they take flight.
    I couldn't help but think of the times when our lumps were too hard to swallow so we called it quits. Or the times when our butterflies fluttered for months just because we walked hand in hand. I thought about when You had butterflies but I was suffocating, but smiled to your face and gave you advice that went against what I wanted. I was selflessly investing In making sure you had butterflies every day no matter what kind of lumps I was going through. I knew I loved you forever when seeing your butterflies gave me butterflies and watching you try to fight against a lump almost made me stop breathing.
   I thought about when you got a tattoo, and what a wreck I was trying to fight the butterflies and lumps all at once. I thought about you needing me after your break up and how that was one of the hardest things I've had to watch. I thought about us fighting In your front yard and me wanting to tell you, "Maybe I do reckless things to get your attention. Maybe if you would give me another chance I wouldn't be on a constant journey trying to find another you." But I couldn't because you know... the lumps.
    And then I thought about the butterflies. How they swarm when you kick my a*s at video games, wrestle me to the ground, instantly snap your head in my direction in English, and most of all those rides alone in your truck. I get butterflies when you bring me a Harry Potter shirt at the store with a matching one for yourself. When you post pictures of us on Snapchat. I get butterflies when you say I'm your best friend, because you will forever be mine, too.
   Lastly I became afraid. I wondered if there would be a time when the lumps in my throat would be  so captivating that the butterflies vanish. I fear a day when you marry someone. I fear you living life without me.

But at the end of the day, like the speaker said, everyone has a Butterfly Person. The person you go to when something great happens, when something awful happens. The person you do everything with because they are who you want to be in your memories forever. I aimlessly walked out of that auditorium knowing you are my butterfly person, but I realized as I thought that I had a lump in my throat.

I wonder if you'll have the same lump when  you realize "you lost the moon while counting the stars."