Escape Medicine

Lying down with someone who loves substances more than they love you, and all that moment entails.

she came to him as if in a dream.

she came to him and patted the sheets next to her on the bed, her spine bent with uneven posture of emotional defeat and weariness. her eyes disagreed and spoke quiet hope and a childlike trepidation. “come here.” he walked over in a trance, lips slack and eyebrows peaked in wonder. “come here. it’s okay. i miss you. please be okay.”

he came to her and they lay in a dream, and in that moment he could feel vines of dopamine an serotonin shoot up his brainstem and into his mind, melting him. they lay in a dream, embracing each other in every way they could imagine: arms wrapped and intertwined in the other’s body, faces pressed into the junction of neck and shoulder, hair covering each of their eyes, legs tangled and hips fit together like puzzle pieces. their bodies made sense in each others’ arms. he held her tight and god, but everything felt good. to be in love, to forget the endless complexities of life, his own mind, her addiction, their lives… to forget it all just to feel her warmth heat his heart like a hearth in a dead night in winter. this love could and would ruin him and from the moment they loved, he knew it would. he signed a contract and promised unconditional love, and here it was; the unconditional love that would fuel jealousy, frustrated sobs in the middle of the night, choked down tears of confusion and irrational insecurity, insurmountable and truly intimidating over insignificant nothings.

he buried himself in the grave of her arms and begged her quietly to love him and only him and to tell him he was enough and all she needed. no answer was given to the question he never asked. he buried his melancholy in the labyrinth of his mind. 

the open cuts on his leg and the stitched wound on his forearm burned red hot with shame and he sobbed helplessly into her collarbone, shaking and gripping her close enough that he couldn’t possibly lose her, even if he knew she was falling out of love and moving on with glacial speed. he couldn’t hold her tight enough to make her love him again. nothing he did physically could ever help. helpless sobs. she broke down with concern and a torrential current of affection poured over him in quiet professions of love that fell on stone ears. she couldn’t possibly love him because there was nothing to love left in him.

he woke from the dream. there was nothing in his bed but loneliness, insecurity, confusion and a sadness that came natural to him.

Author's Note

riddled with gramatical errors. constructive crit appreciated!