The Broken Vessel

I am a very unhealthy person so my doctors have said that I will not be able to bear children and if I do the pregnancy will kill me. If that doesn't, then the delivery will. I wrote this while I was with my ex, Christian.

Why me? What did I do?

Inside me no child would have grew.

 

When I was young I had no desire,

I sure wish I would have known this news prior.

 

My only hope for a child is through an adoption.

With all those long, lengthy lists, that's simply not an option.

 

Every day around the world women are getting abortions.

They smoke and drink and give birth to children with horrible distortions.

 

Women give birth every day who do not want their child.

How could you not want something so precious? Isn't that wild.

 

Every child is a miracle sent from above.

They should all get so much care and love.

 

Having a baby inside you and feeling it kick.

That's my dream, but no, I'm too sick.

 

Watching them learn and go off to school.

I will never know that, I'm such a fool.

 

Even Mary the Virgin Mother had a baby.

So I though maybe I could, maybe, just maybe.

 

She got to be mother to the world and our Savior.

All I wanted was to be a mother to our Liam Xavvier.

 

But i can not bear, this is my curse.

Living with this pain every day gets worse and worse.

 

The purpose of women is to bear.

I'm starting to think that God doesn't even care.

 

Not being able to have a child is a big hurt.

So pick up your shovel and bury me in the dirt.

Author's Note

This poem is probably the hardest poem I will ever write.
But I have hope, even though it seems so hopeless.

Reviews

[Evan The Seven]

This poem is very lyrical and candid. The feelings described are so honest, I can really feel empathy for what you have experienced. Stay honest and keep writing and you will be able to make people feel about any emotion you wish.

Also, I find it hard to believe with all the orphan children in the world, that you would not be able to adopt if you so chose. In the grand scheme of things, maybe there are no coincidences or accidents and you are meant to adopt and love a child who needs somebody. It is quite cliche, but probably very true, in a sense, that when god closes a door, he opens a window. Just something to ponder.

[fireblossom]

Your bio says you are 15. You are ageless little sister. You are a poet. This piece was sad and innocent and dear like you....Keep up the good work sweetness.

[Marie]

Loved it.

[[untitled]]

This was a very sad poem, but I liked it very much. I lost a child and have never felt the same.

[James K. Blaylock]

This was such a sad read. The joy of having a child is lost on so many...

[Kit]

powerfully sad, it makes the heart ache. it sounds like song. There are many purposes I believe, why God feels the need to deny woman to bear children. I think its because he knows that those people would have so much unending love for a child who needs it. adoption may not be able to replace the feeling, but the difference mean that much more to a child who would have no love at all.

[Tad K]

damn, that is insanely powerful, deeply personal, as well as writing to bring tears to my eyes.

[BrokenButterfly]

hey deary, you should Youtube the song Elisabeth by Billu Gilman and watch it. You may not like it cause it's country but listen to it. It's a song I used to sing all the time when I was little and I thought of it and it made me think of you.

Love always,
A very Broken Butterfly

[SM Davis]

Oh my dear that is not the only purpose for a woman. I know this pain, and I know the reason for this pain. There is no way to explain how I know at least not here, but I know it. Having come through it now, I can tell you that life is or at least can be very sweet.

This was very moving.

[maffw]

Ouch. (Shovels a hole in the dirt).

[Eyeliner W***e]

wow, this is really good, but very sad! Im so sorry that something like this has to happen to you. It seems like the worst things, happen to the best of people! There are plenty of children in the world that are in need of parents, you will be able to get a child. Even if you cant have a child, adopting is amazing too, just think, you are saving a child from a broken home. Giving them a home full of love! Just think about!