The Broken Vessel

I am a very unhealthy person so my doctors have said that I will not be able to bear children and if I do the pregnancy will kill me. If that doesn't, then the delivery will. I wrote this while I was with my ex, Christian.

Why me? What did I do?

Inside me no child would have grew.

 

When I was young I had no desire,

I sure wish I would have known this news prior.

 

My only hope for a child is through an adoption.

With all those long, lengthy lists, that's simply not an option.

 

Every day around the world women are getting abortions.

They smoke and drink and give birth to children with horrible distortions.

 

Women give birth every day who do not want their child.

How could you not want something so precious? Isn't that wild.

 

Every child is a miracle sent from above.

They should all get so much care and love.

 

Having a baby inside you and feeling it kick.

That's my dream, but no, I'm too sick.

 

Watching them learn and go off to school.

I will never know that, I'm such a fool.

 

Even Mary the Virgin Mother had a baby.

So I though maybe I could, maybe, just maybe.

 

She got to be mother to the world and our Savior.

All I wanted was to be a mother to our Liam Xavvier.

 

But i can not bear, this is my curse.

Living with this pain every day gets worse and worse.

 

The purpose of women is to bear.

I'm starting to think that God doesn't even care.

 

Not being able to have a child is a big hurt.

So pick up your shovel and bury me in the dirt.

Author's Note

This poem is probably the hardest poem I will ever write.
But I have hope, even though it seems so hopeless.

Reviews

[Evan The Seven]

This poem is very lyrical and candid. The feelings described are so honest, I can really feel empathy for what you have experienced. Stay honest and keep writing and you will be able to make people feel about any emotion you wish.

Also, I find it hard to believe with all the orphan children in the world, that you would not be able to adopt if you so chose. In the grand scheme of things, maybe there are no coincidences or accidents and you are meant to adopt and love a child who needs somebody. It is quite cliche, but probably very true, in a sense, that when god closes a door, he opens a window. Just something to ponder.

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[.:Naiira Harlow:.]

Very personal and I like that. It has such honest feelings and a very strong emotion. This gives a new meaning to pour your heart out.

[Gordon]

Your emotions pour from your heart on this one. However, I felt the ryhming was forced a bit in some spots. For me the worst lines were the first two stanzas. I almost stopped reading it at that point. I pressed on and I think the rest got alot better.

Why me? What did I do?
Inside me no child would have grew. (It looks like you're forcing a ryhme here because it should be "have grown", but that doesn't ryhme with "do")

Even Mary the Virgin Mother had a baby.
So I though maybe I could, maybe, just maybe. (typo: "thought" not "though")

I will pray for you...

[Wildfleour]

This was very difficult to read. I am a mother and I can absolutely feel your grief spilling over into your words.

I am so sorry........

[Kris Tate]

Oh Hon, that made me cry. It is so sad. I love the organization of the piece. The music of it as well. This is one of those poems that will for ever be etched in my heart and soul

[~crazy Beautiful~]

such devastation, saddness
i feel your pain, and hope for you a future of happiness,
as a child that was adopted, my father is my blood
and you will be your childs blood
Nice work
it's often the most difficult poems to write about that are the deepest works
thank you for entering my contest

[PhoeniX]

a hard moment written on paper. an awful curse to bear for all your life. written like a jewel. i praise you for opening up so well with this piece. true life pieces like these make literature beautiful. its not all about the fantasy world or the world created in our minds, we must not forget the world we live in.

well done!

[poddar kushal]

this is hard! i know the feeling...atleast pretend to know.
now about your writing , it needs work..but again i shall prefer it to be this way. this untamed emotion is more than any great poet can ever yield.

[Emily Irene.]

Oh, that was so saddening.
I have a lot of health problems too but thankfully they haven't prevented me from having children if I do someday see myself fit to be a mother. I also can't understand abortion - not when there are so many people like yourself who crave the joy of having your own DNA mixed with someone else's to make an extension of yourself. Some say they can love an adopted child like their own, but I somehow find it hard to believe they wouldn't love them even more if they were their own flesh and blood.
Very well written and very sad.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Very personal.. well said, it is so true what you say of women who have abortions ... then those who so want and child and cannot have one.. i am truly sorry.. i hope a miracle happens for you..
The song , to me does not match the beauty of this poem.. one of fav g&r songs .. just not this poem, just my opinion.. i like music with poems, and if you feel it , then it is right ..
It does not distract me ..
I like the name Liam Xavvier.. i wish you the best.. your poem speaks to many women, both who can and cannot bear a child..

Chloe
xoxo