What A Beautiful Mess I'm In...

I wrote this about my ex, whom I am still madly in love with. We have always been a bit complicated and eventually it drove us apart. This is my attempt at explaining why we were the way we were.. and how that was enough.

Here I am, once again, alone in my room. As I look around I notice the disgusting mess I am surrounded in. The clothes strewn everywhere. The overflowing garbage pail. The scattered papers across my floor. The posters barely hanging off the walls. As I look around at this catastrophe i’ve surrounded myself in I am beginning to realize that this is just the way I like it. This is the way I like things. Messy, imperfect and unknown. Simplicity was never really my thing. I always found life to be quite boring if there were never any complications and that’s just the way we were. A roller coaster of love. For all the times I bitched and chewed about the never ending ups and downs, I secretly loved it. I wouldn’t have had it any other way and I don’t think you would have either. There’s something about our strong personalities that drove me wild, in a good way though. We clashed, head first like a pair of rams. I wasn’t afraid to hurt your feelings and you weren’t afraid to be honest with me. Call it opposites attract or whatever you want, but it was pure burning passion. Like you said; we were addicted to each other. 

 

The angrier I became, the worse I wanted you. I had it bad. Real bad. That’s why when I lost it, I didn’t know how to counteract. So I did what I do best; put on a mask. Spent my days filling my text inbox with worthless messages from boys who meant nothing. Just trying to fill the void that you left me. Drowning sorrows in a bottle that had become my latest best friend. Yet, every time that last single drop of alcohol hit my lips, there you were. It’s almost as though I was being chased by a deranged serial killer. One more drink and i’ll be able to get away. One more drink and i’ll be safe, but just like in the movies; I could never get out alive. Pitiful isn’t it? That you follow me everywhere I go. Dragging behind me in chains, wearing me down. Cutting into my leg with every step I take. I think I threw the key away about a month ago when I decided I couldn’t let you go. 

 

Maybe this is the way it’s suppose to be. A lesson well learned. A discovery that never would have been unveiled had I not met him. The hope for tomorrow is that these chains will weaken per step I take. The hope for down the road is to break free entirely until you are nothing more than a distant memory.

 

Memory.

 

Remember Me.

 

Memory.

 

That’ll never be.

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love this your honesty and truth I go the same way too raw honest beautiful ugly truth it's the only way to write I like this one of yours I can relate

[zach h.]

So I liked the openness of this. How everything is sitting there out in the open, unashamed that this was the way it was. It's a refreshing style of writing. It has some intense visuals as well. Things struck a cord in me. You ended it nicely too. I like how those seven words pack so much punch to them. Nicely done. My only this is that you have this as a poem, and, to me, it really doesn't fit that description. It's more of a story. All in all, great job.