start of a real man

At the time i was only twenty with no cent to my name
Head stuck up in the clouds, feeling on top of my game
Mind poisoned with all the sick notions, like if you aint been on 'top' you're lame
Grading being a man, by how many times you got laid
Living off my parents money, stressing on how the hell to get paid
Then she came up, saying she missed her period, typos
She got me panicking, stammering, repeating words, recitals
Thinking, 'hospital bills, how the hell am i gon' pay those'
'should i spend my savings on abortion or my baby future?'
It hit me so hard it knocked me right off cloud nine and put me in my place
You never know what you're made of, till the one thing you fear is right before your face
The news shook me off my zone, more like a wake up call
Made me realise there's more to being a man
I'm out hear tryna own up to my mistakes, a straineous start to my growth