Reliance

This is what you get for trusting him.

 She sat on the small bed in the corner of the musty room, waiting.

“I’ll come back.” He had said, and then the lock had clicked behind him.

That had been two week ago. Or so she thought. She had lost track of time, being there no clock in the room. She could hear the bats in the attic, hissing and flapping; too stupid to know the way they had come in. The rats scratched at the yellowing boards, inside the walls. And oddly enough, it was comforting to her; knowing that there was actually something alive here, besides her. If that was what she was. She was breathing, yes. But alive… that was a whole other concept.

She would die soon. Unless… She glanced at the wall, the scratches echoing inside her head. She stood, mechanically, her head spinning. She hadn’t moved from the bed since he left. The scratches got louder, interrupting her thoughts, taking over, pulling her under; and then she was kneeling in front of the wall. She clawed at the wood, coming up with nothing at first, but then finally, she peeled away at it. The wood splintered her fingers, stabbing at her flesh, but she didn’t even notice. And every time, it got harder. She grew weaker, her eyelids drooping, her arms becoming so heavy, she could do nothing but hold them limply at her side. She fell, just as the wall burst open with a crack, the rats spilling around her, crawling over her body, rasping shrill whispers in her ear. They scuttled on top of her, nibbling at her thin pale body. She tried to swat them away, but could do nothing. She could only lay there.

Why hadn’t she screamed and yelled for help from the beginning, once he had locked the door? She had trusted him completely, following everything he had said, blindly. She expected him to come back. And he would. She would just never know.  

Author's Note

Constructive Criticism?

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

What a terrific story. Stephen King like. A little more in the beginning would give it more completeness. Great imagination. Definately an abandonment theme here, which I can relate with very well.

Thanks for sharring Blaise, I'm glad I got to read it.
Antonio

[Gabriella]

I don't have any constructive criticism. I usually don't like really short stories, but I think this one stands fine on its own. A very interesting story that leaves plenty to the imagination of the reader, which I can certainly appreciate. Thanks for sharing.

[ebur™]

Simple, short story, but very deep. I liked the 3rd person p.o.v. I felt as if I could actually see the movie reeling in my head. The whole thing was sort of sad from the beginning when she was just sitting on the bed the whole time to the part where she was overcome by the rats. Interesting plot and great job! :)