Jump

I took a sheet of paper and wrote down the first words in mind, and then I *tried* to make a poem out of it.

We're spinning-

breaking-

Spiraling out of

control.

We're falling-

crashing-

Hurtling towards-

danger.

Your eyes are bright.

You give me

your hand.

Trust me.

We jump.

Flying-

falling-

Free into

the sky.

Wind is

picking up.

My heart is

thumping-

crashing in

my chest.

Your hand is warm.

I smile.

 

Author's Note

This is purely an experiment. Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Meradee]

I like it. I really do. It gives off a...I don't know how to describe it. It's unique. I believe that's what makes it wonderful. To me it feels like you have to be willing to make the jump and take the other person's hand in yours and smile the whole way down. You just have to be ready, you have to love them and care for them enough to do. Trust plays into it too.
Nicely done. :)
Pepper...

[James K. Blaylock]

This is very nice. I greatly enjoyed the fact that it was built upon a ramble of written words, too. Be blessed.

jkb

[Clarisse Nanoit]

GREAT metaphor, one that's been used time after time. Your ending, though, was so spectacular. I ADORE the fact that it doesn't mention fear. While it may not be accurate that someone NOT be scared to take that plunge, it says a lot for your guy there. "You give me/your hand./[i]Trust me[/i]./We jump." That's all he has to do?! Say trust me and take your hand?! Amazing. I love the picture this paints. Beautiful piece here!
KH

[Poeticpiers]

the short sharp lines add to the sense of falling fast and uncontrolled

[NightDream]

I love the image. great way to foretell the fall or leap into love.
This is really a smooth flow and great use of words.