A No B.S. Guide to Finding Your Purpose Today

By Matthew Coleman

I’ve been through it.

If you’re reading this, you probably have too.

Everything’s so fast. So loud. We get caught up in school, work, and managing our social life, all while dealing with personal issues we would rather keep private.

It can be tough.

You’ve most likely watched some videos or read articles about finding purpose by now. Your family or friends may have even pitched in some golden pieces of advice like “Follow your heart” or “Just be yourself and have faith!”.

“Thanks. I’ll do that.”

It’s what you say, but you know their advice doesn’t help much. When I felt lost, I searched and searched and couldn’t find any conclusive article about finding purpose that wasn’t “fluffed up” or- put bluntly- full of sh*t.

Sure, they may have helped me feel a little better. I may have gotten a jolt of motivation. But they didn’t help me find the answers I was really looking for.

And so, this blog was made.

The following is a no B.S. guide to finding your purpose. If you read the whole thing, and actually do the writing exercises, you will find your purpose TODAY. No fine print. No hidden fees. Just solid, applicable answers that actually work.

…accompanied by aliens, armadillos, and dogs doing handstands.

For real. Read on to learn more.

Why You Haven’t Found the Answers You Are Looking For-- Until Now

The real reason you haven’t found purpose is that the advice you were given had nothing to do with purpose. And if it did, it was only partly true. There seems to be mass confusion in this area of self-improvement and it has kept many from getting the right answers.

What comes next may shock you.

A purpose is NOT a passion.

They are two completely different subjects!

This all-too-common misconception is the main reason people get lost in the internet searching for answers (myself included).

A passion is an activity, art form or study that one loves doing. It’s something they would do even if they didn’t get paid to do it. Time seems to disappear, food becomes irrelevant, and energy never seems to dissipate when they are caught up in that special something.

While figuring out what you love to do may make you feel better, it is not going to solve the real issue at hand- lack of reason.

When one searches for purpose, they are looking for a reason to get out of bed in the morning. They are looking for some driving force, aside from pure willpower, that gives them fuel to continue in the face of adversity.

This is why questions like “What have you always loved doing?” and “What energizes you?” don’t seem to help when one feels lost in life.

These questions are geared toward helping them find their passions. They have nothing to do with purpose. And even if they feel better in the short-term, their answers don’t seem to provide that lasting inner fire they were searching for.

In summary, a purpose is someone’s “why”. It is the reason they begin and the reason they continue. A passion is someone’s “how” and it can be used as an avenue to achieve one’s purpose.

More on that later.

A purpose is NOT a goal.

This is a half-truth.

A goal and purpose do have one thing in common, and that is a sense of direction. If someone feels completely lost in life, establishing any type of goal is a quick fix.

Taking the time to write down what one wants- instead of moping about their current conditions-gives them a destination to start working towards. This is waaayy better than not having any goals at all.

But it’s still not a purpose.

Someone may have a goal to own a luxury sports car. While this might be far more compelling than waking up just to pay the bills, the fire is bound to wear off. Sooner or later they will feel gassed out.

And even if they continue on with nothing but self-discipline and grit- even if they ACHIEVE their goal- a sense of purpose may still evade them. Taking inventory of your own network, you can probably think of a few successful individuals who have achieved great things but still feel sad and lost on the inside.

Do you know why?

Because there is still one very crucial element that is missing

The Missing Link

The one-size-fits-all answer: CONTRIBUTION

A goal based on selfish desire isn’t necessarily a bad thing (as long as you aren’t harming anyone else in the process).

Someone might want to be a millionaire solely because they grew up in poverty and promised that they would make something better of themselves.

While this is good, it could be a lot better. If we take this same goal and add an element of contribution, it suddenly becomes magic!

Maybe the future millionaire wants to be a role model for all of those who grow up in poverty. They want to start organizations that help low-income households handle their finances. They want to create programs to show others how to succeed coming from nothing.

This little shift in focus makes a huge difference. There is something about serving others that helps us continue in the face of all adversity. It helps us overcome our own tiredness, fatigue, doubts and much more, because we believe we are working on something bigger than ourselves.

The same can be done with passion. After you have spent time discovering what you love to do, you can ask how you want to contribute to others through this outlet. Regardless of what your interests are, you can always find a way to turn it into a purpose.

The Short Answer You are Looking for

A purpose involves helping improve the lives of others and/ or the world as a whole. Using this definition, one could turn any passion or goal into a purpose by asking one simple question:

“How do I want to help others?”

This is something you should always keep in mind when searching for purpose. This is the key to igniting your inner fire and starting the wheels of physical action. This is the missing link!

No light bulb moment yet? Don’t worry. There’s more.

Ask Yourself this Million Dollar Question

Asking yourself “How do I want to help others?” will certainly get you moving in the right direction. But for some, it is still too general.

It pretty much covers everything from helping your neighbor across the street to ending world hunger. This makes things challenging.

We can all fight for good causes and make our goals nobler. While this might give us a sense of purpose, it still might not provide the fuel we are looking for.

As always, there is a solution. There seems to be one question in particular that is pure gold for figuring out your specific purpose.

The trick is to find a purpose that is relatable. It must be something that resonates with our own experiences, wants, and needs. You can easily do this by asking yourself the million-dollar question:

“How do I wish someone would have helped me?”

Take a moment and think about your answer. Think back to your childhood. Your teenage years. College years. And so on. Is there any area you wish someone would have helped you with? Maybe:

• Your health

• Your state of mind

• Your wealth

• Your finances

• Your relationships (friends, family, intimate, etc.)

• Your spirituality

• Your inner peace and fulfillment

• General guidance and support

• Specific guidance (sports, the arts, industry, etc.)

How do you wish someone would have helped you?

One or two answers should stick out among the rest. Keep these in mind.

Another alternative is to think about someone you love deeply. How do you wish someone would have helped them? What do you wish you could have done for them during their time of need?

Pen and Paper Time

Uuuugh! Do I really have to write it down? I’m comfortable. The pen is across the room. Besides, I can just read it and be fine. It’s like the same thing, right?

Wrong. I am not going to bore you with all the statistics and studies showing the benefits of physically writing things down- all of which are very true. You are an adult and have the right to enjoy that oh-so-dreamy couch of yours. But I will say this:

If you take the few minutes to actually write these answers down, you will know your purpose before the end of this article.

If not, I can’t promise the same results.

The following is a list of specific questions dealing with pain and pleasure. They are designed to stimulate your emotions. So, if you feel any tingles in your belly, don’t be alarmed. It’s part of the process.

For every question write as many answers as you can as soon as they come to your mind.

Think of it as word vomiting- just let it all out! Do not filter any answers or refrain from writing something down. You can always cross it out later.

If you find yourself stuck on a particular question, feel free to move on to the next and come back to it later. Lastly, this is not a quiz- let your test anxiety know everything is going to be just fine. Think of it as a casual experiment to learn a little more about yourself.

Here’s the lineup.

Personal:

• “What pain have I gone through that I don’t want anyone else to go through?”

• “What feelings have I felt that I don’t want anyone else to feel?”

• “What I have achieved (big or small) that I want others to achieve?”

• “What feelings have I felt that I want others to feel?”

Someone you love:

• “What pain did they go through that I don’t want anyone else to go through?”

• “What feelings have they felt that I don’t want anyone else to feel?”

• “What have they achieved (big or small) that I want others to achieve?”

• “What feelings have they felt that I want others to feel?”

The world:

• “What pain have I witnessed that hurts my soul when I think about it?”

• “If I had the power, what things would I completely get rid of on this earth?”

• “What things make me smile and laugh just from thinking about it?

• “If I had the power, what would I want to do to improve the conditions of the earth?”

General:

• “How do I want to help others?”

Just for fun:

• “If you had two minutes to talk to an alien, what would you ask?”

• “What would you rather be: a platypus or an armadillo?”

How to Use Your Answers

Be on the lookout for repetition and emotional ‘weight’.

If there is any trend that repeats itself, it’s likely important to you. This is obvious and easily seen when on paper.

Also, pay attention to the ones that feel right. Some will seem to penetrate your soul, while others only scratch the surface. Certain answers will have an aura about them. They may seem more compelling than the others.

Put a star next to the ones that stick out.

Forget About The One

No matter how hard you look, no matter how hard you try, you will never find purpose.

Am I fibbing? Yes, and no.

The reason you will you never find purpose is because it can’t be found. It’s not between the couch cushions. It’s not under the car seat, in the junk drawer…NOWHERE.

Here’s why.

Everyone that has purpose in life didn’t find it; they chose it.

Their purpose wasn’t behind a magic door or under an infamous rock. Its roots can be traced back to a decision.

This decision often is the result of specific circumstances and life events that they encountered. Whether good or bad, they experienced something that touched them deeply, and either immediately or over time, developed this purpose from the decision they made.

A decision sounds like this:

“I will no longer tolerate [example]!”

“More people need [example] and I am going to help!”

Anyone with a definite purpose will admit, when they travel back in time, that their purpose began with a specific decision: either to get rid of pain or spread some type of good.

Aliens and armadillos aside, the writing exercise you did above helps you make a decision easier by accurately showing you what you like and dislike.

The next step is sorting through your answers, finding the best one…and choosing. This can be daunting for some.

Many have an idea of what they want but never act. They don’t want to risk dedicating themselves to something that isn’t “meant to be”.

*Eerie music begins*

In comes The One.

When I talk about ‘the one’, I am referring to an idea that has plagued the innocent knowledge seekers for years. It is a belief that states every individual only has one purpose in life, and they should spend their days and nights looking for that purpose.

As we discussed earlier, no one ever finds purpose. They choose it. Knowing this, we can disprove the second part of the statement above.

But what else does this tell us about The One?

You Can Change It- or Even Have a Few

If you have the ability to choose your purpose (which you do), you also have the ability to change it. Translation: you get more than one chance!

You might think you really want to do something but find out you don’t like it after all.

You wouldn’t have known if you never tried. And now you have a more accurate gauge for finding what you do like. Maybe you choose one on your list that sticks out now, but in a few months, you develop a love for something else. You are still fine.

Changing your purpose multiple times is not a sin.

You could even have more than one. You might want to help abused dogs find caring homes and also help college graduates better handle their student debt. This is totally acceptable.

Here’s the takeaway:

Don’t feel pressured to only pick one thing and spend your whole life pursuing it. You are so much more than a rigid mission statement, and your purpose should grow and evolve alongside you.

Ready or Not, Time to Decide

The moment you have been waiting for! Or slightly dreading…if you hate making decisions. Either way, it is that time.

I know it can be scary.

Choosing a purpose means you actually have to act, learn, improve, and be able to contribute to others. This can seem intimidating for someone who has been questioning their own existence and struggling to get out of bed just to eat. Trust me, I’ve been there.

But you asked. And I delivered.

This is where you must pick up the pen and do your part. I can do everything I can to help, but I cannot take the steps for you. If you want to know your purpose RIGHT NOW, continue reading.

You will be fine. I promise.

How to Put It into Words

Your purpose is either going to involve getting rid of some type of pain or spreading some type of good. Use the answers you have written down to assist with this part. Choose one to work with for now, and later you can repeat the process if necessary.

If your purpose involves getting rid of pain, it should look similar to these examples:

· “I want to get rid of [example].”

· “I want to end [example].”

· “I want to help others who [example].”

If it involves spreading good, your written statement should look like these:

· “I want to spread [example].”

· “I want to create more [example].”

· “I want to help others become/ achieve [example].”

Usually, I encourage to rephrase goals into affirmative statements like ‘I am going to’ or ‘I will’. But for now, you can stick with using ‘I want’. It makes the process easier and less overwhelming.

Let Go of the Vastness

Here you are.

A few minutes ago you were surfing the web. Now you’re looking at this massive project ahead of you with no idea of how to achieve it- let alone how to start! I get it.

It seems like a huge task. And for some of you, it most likely is. Things like ending world hunger or saving the ozone layer are not simple side gigs for the majority of us.

The first step is letting go of the vastness.

If your purpose is to end all war in the world, you don’t have to do it in a day. You may not even achieve it in a lifetime.

The solution to this immensity is NOT to make your purpose smaller or ‘more achievable’. From personal experience, I have found that the bigger the purpose, the bigger the internal fire. Meaning, people are less motivated by smaller goals.

Don’t be discouraged by the vastness. Rather, take on the mindset of helping with a cause instead of feeling like you are going to do it all by yourself. A simple change of words will make a big difference. For example:

· “I want to establish world peace.”

· “I want to help establish world peace.”

When you do this, it allows you to focus on the movement towards your purpose, not just the achievement of it. This ‘movement’ is actually the secret.

Feeling purposeful is not about succeeding. It is about contributing to something bigger than ourselves- regardless of how small our actions may seem.

Time to shine

It is officially your turn!

Go ahead and write your purpose down on a separate sheet of paper. Make it colorful. Draw a stick figure popping champagne. A dog doing a handstand. Whatever floats your boat, because this is a big moment!

It should look like such:

“I want to help ____________________________________”

[insert your purpose]

Your congratulations present, Wilford the Puppo =)

The Next Step

There’s your purpose.

Written neatly on a piece of paper (or covered with stick figures and Cristal). Either way, you probably have one question lingering in your mind:

Uhm…now what?

We could end the blog here, but that would be a dick move. Like a good movie that ends abruptly.

If you’re like me, you want answers.

Where do I go from here? How am I even supposed to start? What if feel lost again? Don’t worry. All of these questions are answered in the sections below.

Shall we continue?

Which Avenue is Best for You?

After deciding on your purpose, you are ahead of 90% of the population. The next step is choosing the best avenues to achieve it.

There are no incorrect answers. Just ways that are more or less enjoyable in your personal opinion. With virtually an infinite number of avenues to achieve any given purpose, the fun part is choosing the right one.

Some examples:

If you wrote down, “I want to help end obesity in my country”, possible avenues could be:

1. Creating healthy premade meals that are affordable and accessible everywhere

2. Becoming a personal trainer

3. Writing a book about overcoming obesity

If you wrote down, “I want to help get rid of the pollution in the world”, possible avenue could be:

1. Creating biodegradable every-day products that are affordable and reliable

2. Becoming a local volunteer and helping pick up trash

3. Taking eye-opening pictures of pollution and submitting them to big news companies

The avenue you choose is entirely up to you. And like your purpose, you don’t have to stick to just one. Work towards achieving your purpose with as many ways you feel comfortable with.

If you have researched how to find your passions, you can use them as your avenues. This makes for a truly ideal circumstance- helping the people you want, in the way you want, while doing what you love.

If you don’t know your passions, it is time to start experimenting. The best way to find the avenues you like is to start acting today and adjusting your path accordingly.

This may seem like some haphazard ‘wing-it’ technique, but it is actually the fastest and most efficient way to discover what you really love doing. You just gotta start!

How You Can Start Today

Yes. Today.

The first action you take is always the most important. It builds momentum and paves the road for future action. Waiting just one day could kill your chances of getting the ball rolling.

We don’t want this.

So, I am going to help you take a tiny step today. You won’t need to stretch. You don’t need to tie your shoes up. We’re just going to take one little baby stride- a penguin shuffle.

Your challenge:

Take the First Step.

Choose an avenue that helps you achieve your purpose and start doing something today. Begin moving towards your purpose in any way you can and alter your course as you go. Remember, you can always change it if it doesn’t sit well with you.

The following examples may be used as a guide:

Chosen Purpose:	I want to help teens learn more about handling their finances.
Avenue:	Drawing; creating entertaining comics about money
First Step:	Start drawing something; anything

Chosen Purpose:	I want to help single mothers handle everyday-issues.
Avenue:	Writing; start a blog for single mothers
First Step	Buy web domain; start writing the first post

Often the very first step involves research. Do this as the bare minimum. If possible, try to take some form of physical action.

The more action you take now, the easier it will be to continue later on.

As a part of your challenge, tell us about the purpose you chose and the first step you took in the comment section below. We love to hear from you all and will be personally replying to offer our love and support.

Wrapping It All Up

The secret to purpose is giving.

It transforms a goal into something much bigger; something that changes the world. It turns a passion into something that not only brings you happiness but also lasting fulfillment

It is the one cure-all solution.

Switch your mindset from 'what can I get’ to ‘what can I give’ and witness the magic that takes place in your life. I once read that if you feel depressed, you should find someone who is worse off than you and do anything you can to help them. I’ve followed this advice personally.

The depression disappears almost immediately.

Even something as simple as helping an animal in need or giving your meal to someone who hasn’t eaten makes a difference. You will notice the void inside of you begin to fill.

You don’t have to single-handedly change the world. Just try to make a small difference in the people around you. This is enough to feel purposeful.

Realize You Can Make a Difference

As you move forward, keep in mind that you may not change the world. But if you can improve the life of just one individual, you will have completely changed their world.

Imagine someone you love falls and ends up dangling off the side of a cliff. A nearby person drops all of their things and rushes to their rescue.

No one gets hurt and you all go your separate ways after everything is said and done.

That brave stranger might not have saved the world. They did change the world for your loved one though. And you…and everyone your loved one tells about it…and so on.

Whether you believe it or not, there is a ripple effect. You helping one person seems small. But what if they go out and help two? What if those two end up helping two more?

Can you see the pattern?

We have no idea how far our actions ripple out into the universe. And if this seems to new-age or esoteric for you, the next example serves as enough evidence that you can truly make a difference.

Imagine someone you know down and out. They feel completely lost and on the verge of taking their own life. Then an angel comes their way.

A stranger walks by and smiles. Not only do they smile, but they also say “Hello”.

Until that moment, the person you are thinking of felt like people saw right through them. They felt like they were invisible, and that no one would care if they disappeared forever. But the one small action from a kind stranger-- something so insignificant to them-- might just be your friend’s saving grace. It might be the thing that gives them hope.

Your actions matter more than you think.

Start a little ripple in the pond today and be in awe of how far the waves go.

Always Keep the Magic Question in Mind

There may come a time when you feel lost again.

Life can be overwhelming. Routines begin to take over and our focus drifts away from what really brings us lasting fulfillment.

Do a purpose-check every few months. Ask yourself if you feel on fire. If you feel alive. If you feel fulfilled. If not, ask yourself if your focus has been on helping others.

The answer is almost always no.

Go through this blog again and think about how you really want to contribute to others in this new point of your life. More specifically, ask yourself:

1. “What pain do I want to take away?”

2. “What good do I want to spread?”

From here, form an organized plan and take a small step TODAY in the right direction. Repeat this process accordingly while always being open to more ideas and potential ways you could be helping others.

And that’s it!

If you made it this far, I would like to personally give you a virtual high-five.

You done did good.

It is that time though.

It is time for you to start getting to work, and for me to go eat a vegan protein cookie. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and hope to assist you in any way I can

As always…

Live free my friends,

M.C.

P.S. Was this blog helpful? Did you find your purpose? Let us know in the comments below.