Final Goodbyes

A tale of life and death.....and the occasional halucination.

               My head came to conciseness way  before I could move. My first thaught was, I'm Alive! But then I noticed somthing was wrong. There was no pain. I felt pristine, whole. I'm shock, I tried to reason with myself. I slowly opend my eyes, shocked that I could still see. I banged my head on the steering wheel so hard, I was sure it would knock my eyes right out of their sockets. But what I saw almost shoved me back into unconciseness. Everything was piercing white, everything. there was no mangled cars, no freeway. Instinctivly raised my hands to cover my eyes from the blinding glare. And that's when total realization hit me.  My hands should be broken, by all rights every bone in my body should be broken. "I am dead" I said in a choked whisper.

             NO! I was screaming in my head. I can't be dead! This isn't fair, it wasn't my turn! I didn't realize my body was shaking with sobs. dead at 22 years old, cause of death, A STUPID CAR CRASH. I was crieng so hard It felt like I was having a seisure. I had no idea how long I stayed like that, crieng myself out. When the sobs subsided and the tears dried in streaks down my face, I sat up. Leaning my back against a massive white wall, and realy looked around at where I was. The room was lit by an unseen source that cast no shadows. It looked like the walls themselves where radiating the light. I couldn't tell how high the celling was, but it too was white, and seemed to strech out for miles and miles. I looked at my hands, they where pristine, with no trace of the scars I had had since I was a child. I was dressed in a white longsleeved tunic, and white pants, both made of a silky lightweight material that I couldn't name. My chesnut colored hair felt silky smooth, and hung freely down my back.

         So this is death, I thaught grimly to myself. No golden gates of heaven, nor the fiery depths of hell. So much to devoting my life to Catholosisom in exchange for eternal life with god. Well, they kept the "eternal life" part of the bargin. I got up onto my feet, not sure of what to expect, but I felt perfectly normal. I started to walk. not going anywhere, not expecting anything. Just letting my feet wander, I cleared my mind. I walked and walked, not thinking, not feeling. Walking numbed the pain and sadness I felt in my chest. My legs didn't tire as they normaly would, so I intended to keep walking. I would walk and walk forever, and nobody could stop me. I continued in that state of mind for a while, until somthing took me by complete surprise.

            A young girl apeared. Out of thin air, it wasn't like she slowly materialized. I blinked and she was was sudenly there, completly solid. "um...hello" I said in a unsure voice. She turned and looked at me. She was too dressed in white, a long dress. She was sitting against a wall, her hands wrapped around her knees. Her dress gatherd on the floor like a sattin pool. Her long dark brown, almost black hair was pulled away from her beautiful face into a long French braid. Her hair was startalingly contrasted to her pale complection.

          But most shocking was her eyes. They where a bright ice-blue, and full of wisdom, passion, sadness and knolage all at the same time. They where the eyes you'd expect to see on a 100 year old man, who has seen every thing. "hello" she answerd in a clear voice. "Can I sit with you", I asked. The girl nodded and patted the floor next to her. I plopped down, and assumed the same position as her. "Wat's your name?" I asked her. "My name is Angela, whats yours?" she replied.

"Catherine"

"hello Catherine"

And without my permission, tears streaked down my face. Breaking down all the barriors I put up while walking.

Angela wrapped her arms around me to comfort me, and I stroked her her hair until I was all cried out again. When I recoverd, I asked her why she was here. "I'm waiting" Angela said in a serene voice. She was totaly at peace with herself. And with another blink of my eyes, she dissapeared. All I could do now was wait. I don't know what for. But I settle myself in against the wall, and wait.

                       I don't know how long it took, but I was drifting. In complete darkness. Normally, this would just about make me pee my pants, but it didn't. It was impossible to feel fear, impossible to feel anything else but calm. I couldn't move or anything. It was complete sensory failure, But somehow, I didn't care. My mind was becoming groggier by the second. And that's when I realized what was going on. I tried to feel panic, I really did, but I was dissapearing. Ceasing to exist was one thing I couldn't deal with. But the grogginess kept growing. It was a thick veil of fog surrounding every thaught. And that's when I heard the voice.

          It was impossible not to reconize. My mom was speaking to me. And my senses came back in a rush, including the pain. The pain was so much it almost knocked me back over the edge. It felt like I was bieng clubed ny a sledge hammer, then thrown into a pot of boiling water.

Someone had their hand on my forhead, One of my own hands where bieng held by someone else.

The air smelled like a hospitol. A HOSPITAL! My eyes flutterd open, and my mom was leaning over me. Next to her was my sister. It was obvious  their red rimmed eyes and wet cheeks, that they had both been crieng. My mom grabbed the call button, and my sister ran to the door and yelled somthing. "Welcome back honey" my mom said croaked. I forced a smile, I was alive after all. The nurse came to the door, along with my sister. The nurse was followed by my doctor. "Glad to see you awake" he said.

                       After he explained what happend, that I was in a car crash, hit my head, and was unconscience for five days. And at first I was dead, until the paramedic shocked me back to life. It looks like I will have time to say goodbye to everyone afterall. I gave them a wry smile. Then I couldn't hold on anylonger. Unconcienessness washed over me like a tidal wave. Like scissors cutting a piano wire, my life-line was severed. The last thing I knew was my heart rate moniter flatlinning.