Reflections

Looking back before moving forward...

   The wind rustled through the branches of the trees, catching some old leaves and sending them fluttering away. Keogh felt the kiss of the wind as it tousled his hair gently. The sights, the smells, the sounds; everything was foreign to him! He closed his eyes, laying back in the grass trying to take it all in. The grass around him danced lazily in the wind, caressing and relaxing him. The sun had never felt so pure or so warm to him before...

   Birds singing in the distance, sun warm and gentle, he realized for the first time... he was free.

   “Wow, it's like he's never been outside before!” Aria laughed. She and Duke were watching from a safe distance.

   “That's because he hasn't,” Duke replied.

   “Oh...” she said to herself, saddened, “Poor guy...” Duke laughed.

   “Huh?” she said, “What's so funny?”

   “Sorry,” Duke smiled, “It's just...that look in his eyes...it reminds me of my daughter...”

   Aria gasped in surprise. “Your daughter?”

   “She was three at the time...” he continued, seemingly ignoring her, “We went camping for the first time. That look of joy in her eyes... I'll never forget it!”

   “How old is she now?” Aria asked.

   “Oh?” Duke said, returning to the present. “We should be going. I want to reach the river by nightfall.” As Duke started to walk away, he turned to her and smiled. “Don't forget to wake him up, now!”

   The sun was beginning to set in the distance, echoing their exhaustion in a cascade of red and orange. Duke, Keogh, and Amy had left Belsyning that morning, traveled due south, at last reaching the bank of the river Cath. From there, they planned to follow the river southwest until it passed through the town of the same name and emptied into the sea. With their destination about half a day's travel away, they decided to make camp and rest.

   Sleep can be a hard thing to come by when not accustomed to sleeping outdoors. The campfire danced and swirled, casting its light out into the encroaching darkness. Keogh sat, back against a tree, trying to doze off. No matter what he tried, he found himself reflecting on the events of the past few days, and the extraordinary turn his life had taken. Duke and Aria were the first people he could remember who were ever kind to him. His earliest memories in life included running errands for Elio, being hit and thrown around whenever he made a mistake or angered Elio in some delusional way. He found some escape from this once he was old enough to begin his sword training. Although his master was no kinder than Elio, he was still a man Keogh could respect. He took solace in the wisdom of his master, and immersed himself in his training. For so long, fighting was the only thing he had to live for. But now, he had found something else to live for...

   “Keogh?” a whisper called out from nearby. From a distance, Aria appeared to be asleep, but he could tell the whisper came from her.

   “You're awake?”

   Aria sat up and looked over at him. “Can I ask you something?”

   “Sure,” he said, “What's on your mind?”

   “The other day, in that alley, what do you remember?”

   Keogh thought it over a second. “Well, I remember a crazy blond chick trying to kill us...” he said.

   “No, besides that!”

   “Well, I remember you calling out to me, then...” His stomach lurched, recalling what happened.

   “Let me guess, you felt sick, but all your senses got sharper,” Aria interjected.

   “Wait, how did you...” sputtered Keogh, surprised, “Don't tell me...”

   “Yeah,” she replied, dejected, “The same thing happened to me...”

   “But why...” he muttered, head starting to throb, “I don't understand!”

   “Me neither...” she sighed. Silence fell over the camp once again, sporadically interrupted by the crackling and sputtering of the fire in its death throes. After a long pause, Aria spoke up again. “Can I ask you something else?”

   “Sure.”

   “You and Duke...why are you helping me?” she asked.

   Closing his eyes in thought, he began, “Well, I can't speak for Duke, but me...I don't have anything else. You see, you and Duke are the first people I can call my friends. So, I want to go with you and protect you.”

   “I see...” she smiled, blushing slightly, “Thanks...” Keogh found himself blushing as well. “Say, Keogh, when this is all over...” she said, “You and Duke could come stay with me if you want. I live at the orphanage up the river and, well, if you don't have anywhere to go...”

   “I'll think about it...” Keogh said, suddenly tired, “Get some sleep, k?”

Author's Note

Sorry for the abrupt ending, but I couldn't do any better than that. If I come up with something better, I will make the necessary changes. Also, this is a bit of an in-between chapter, so it's a little short. I'd like to make this better, if you have any suggestions...

Reviews

[James Watts]

“The other day...in that alley...what do you remember?”( try this :“The other day, in that alley, what do you remember?” same effect and saves from the over use of ellipses.)

“Well...I remember you calling out to me...then...” His stomach lurched recalling what happened next.(“Well, I remember you calling out to me, then...” His stomach lurched, recalling what happened. Same as above. Always be careful with ellipses. Their main purpose is for trailing off at the end of a sentence. They can be used to indicate a pause, but commas or short, quick sentences will also work. However, the comma is the better choice.)

Other than that, not to shabby. Flows well. The only other thing I can say, and I didn't notice many that could be removed, is the -ly adverb. Always avoid that when possible as it weakens the prose. The easiest way is just to rewrite the sentence read it aloud. The -ly can either be dropped from the word or omitted completely. If that doesn't work then the -ly stays in place.

[Alexanne Dauntless]

I like this as well. I apologize for a part of my review on the chapter "The Rescue Part One". I failed to realize that it is a chapter in the middle of the book. So the aspect of clarity is obviously resolved. :)

However in this chapter, as with the other; there are certain elements of language, sentence structure, and vocabulary, that just don't seem to fit in with the type of story and setting that you are building up. "Blond chick" doesn't fit in with the character's names and the story setting.