WAVES & SEA (PART 2)

join them in thier trip of love

His troubles in life...

get destroyed at the shore of her eyes...

waves were replaced by his tears

proving that his love is deep as sea.

 

He swam in his secret joy,

as he sees her more and more ...

 

 

Responding to his storm of love,

her wings moved up and down

flying all over his sea,

enjoying love, care and peace.

 

He was poor but a cousin,

constantly, he pleaded to her father

requesting his daughters hand

so dreams will be joined with facts.

 

The father with greed in his heart!

gave his poor nephew a lie after a lie

but, making him believe that she will be his pride.

 

With her image in mind,

he went in a fruitful ride;

he worked days and nights,

assuming that his net is strongly tight..

Author's Note

Yea three more parts to come

Reviews

[Elisa]

Oooooh! Left us on a cliffhanger! I loved the imagery of the ocean depths in the eyes of the lover. I feel like your writing is getting richer and richer as the story goes on! Nicely done!

[EileenMarie]

A romantic heart....... sad story, very well written :)

[Anne Martin]

Yes, this is much better than part one. You use metaphor in the first three stanzas, but don't return to it until the last line. It's a good metaphor, too, but I think it needs more preparation. He is trying to catch the girl in his net, which is a traditional metaphor, but I think you could establish it better, considering you use the sea and storm earlier. Your protagonist is a fisherman - a fisherman of love. Saying that, if he is casting a net, he isn't too picky. He'll catch all kinds of things. A single hook and line maybe all he needs.

Now, concerning your English, you do have an issue with vocabulary. When wings move up and down, they flap. Better yet you might try to find something more descriptive about flight --

Enraptured by his storm of love
she soared high over the sea
riding the wind
buoyed by love, care and peace.

Find the words that mean exactly what you want to say. Don't just say "her wings moved up and down." You occasionally skip words "his love is AS deep as THE sea." I suggest you have someone look over your poems for grammar before you post.

[Cassiopia Summers]

It's tragic when we cannot Love the one we already Love with marriage. Great write. It's a painful story I hope nobody ever has to feel.

[Gypsie]

Hmm, the hints of a tragic story unfold within the prose giving way to the promise of love to be denied. In the mood that I am in this subject bleeds wonderfully across the page.

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

beautiful

[highthought]

yes joiedevivivre he is her uncle s son
d will be removed

[Joiedevivre]

Excellent use of metaphor, beautiful imagery, passionate writing.
Just a couple of things. You have left a lonely d in this line
gave d his poor nephew a lie after a lie
and I am not entirely sure what you mean by
He was poor but a cousin (as in her uncles son?)
Overall,my favourite of yours, really good read.

[?]

Beautiful, romantic piece

[LA Lorena]

You express your thoughts most beautifully!