I AM THE ONE WHO BROKE THE GLASS

YEA I DID IT

 Roads are long

For me are short

Mountains are high

For me, easy to be climbed

 

Winter and its winds

That is spring for me

Reason for all this!

With you, I will be my dear…

 

After a long, now that we meet

Words crying for missed time

Went out but not clear

 

Souls gladly intervened

“Shh

“Let’s use time

 Now, that we are near”

 

Time came for souls in chat.

“I am the one who broke the glass

I am the one who let the ball roll

But

Kindly help me in control

 

 Let us not care about the rest

Ties now

 Are different than before

 

At our shore……

Once, we use all our feet

 Stones will be buried in deep

After that

 Our caring hands will build a tree.

With warmth

We shall live under its leaves”

 

“Another chance you mean?

How can I believe you with no tears?

About tears!

 Ask me….

You work for it, and I will see”

Author's Note

hope u like it

Reviews

[Nicole]

As I've said on more than one occasion, I'm not a poet. That said, you shouldn’t have to explain something you wrote in order for people to understand it because, let’s face it, you won’t be able to explain it to everyone.

I did understand what the poem was about, but I find it jarring and unnecessarily confusing. Still, I liked the subject matter and do agree with it. How could she trust what he says if he doesn’t feel enough emotion about it to cry?

[highthought]

i agree after a long was wrong , i meant to say after long time , and it would be better to put it "after long" but do see the next line "now that we meet "this line is related to the one before .therefor it is clear that i am talking about time
reason for all this ...ok i ll put it "The reason for all this"
anything else is missing ?
the question for you all is.. do u agree with her when she asked for tears
second ..is it enough to hear him saying what he said ? or do u ask for more
i am not a female so do explain

[GrownUpTime]

Reason for all this!

With you, I’ll be my dear…

After a long, now that we meet
~theses are some of the lines that i was either confused about or felt that there was something vital that was missing. i cant tell you exactly what because it is your writing and for only you to interpret.

[Anna]

Okay, so I am going to comment on the flow and writing, not on the content because poetry is based on interpretation. I have read some of the other comments and you do have a common subject of missing words. I also saw your comment on how you omit words to create suspense. I read it several times, and there is no suspense in this piece, not that I saw. I think the words omitted may actually improve the quality of the poem by making it easier to read and therefore more insightful and have a deeper meaning. The word choice is intriguing but I feel that the missing words are too important to omit. If the object is to jarr the reader into thought through confusion by decreasing the fluidity of the words then well done. I really got nothing from this because it was more than just putting the regular pieces of the poetry puzzle to the point that I didn't even want to wrap my mind around it. But then again, I am not much of a poetry person. Take it as you will and good luck with your writing.
-Anna

[MichelleClay]

Ok I think the thing people are getting confused on are these sections below. I understand that you may have left words blank on purpose so that the reader has to think but without further information the reader can only form their own conclusion and not one that you may have intended. For example



Winter and its winds
That’s spring for me
Reason for all this!
With you, I’ll be my dear…

Reason for all this? Perhaps if you said ‘The’ reason for all this, with you I’ll be my dear. Or Reason for all this ‘is’ with you, I’ll be my dear.

After a long, now that we meet
Words crying for missed time
Went out but not clear
About tears!
Ask me….
You work for it, and I’ll see
After a long? A long what? time? Pause? Or you could say is ‘After long’
Words ‘we’ cried or ‘I’ cried for missed time went out but ‘were’ not clear

Of course this is just my interpretation of your work. I am not a poet myself so I could be very wrong about all of this. I personally would look at the feedback everyone has given as a positive thing. Anything (in my opinion) that causes debate or conversation about a piece is a good thing. What would be worse is no one saying anything at all!

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I do see some meaning but yes, you have hidden some -
I am thinking English is not your first language so maybe this is why
it seems some words are left out.. tho they are not here i do know what you mean .. it would make the poem smoother if you added some of the missing words.
I am not and would not judge you. I like this poem .. as is ...

Chloe

[highthought]

i hide meaning so reader goes into suspense searching for it

we all say that the meaning is in the heart of the writer
whenever you wish i ll give details than after that u ll judge me

[Ecnelis]

Your use of description is interesting. I enjoyed how it flowed from one thing to the next.

I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but it seems like you are missing some words. If it was intentional than I'm interested in why you chose to leave them out. It disrupts the rhythm a bit. If it wasn't intentional, I'd love to read it fixed!

I love the first few stanza's the most!

Nice poem! Keep up the good work!

[Julie Deshtor]

I have already written to you regarding this poem. It is not my favorite one of yours, thus far... The rhythm jumps too much for me, from line to line and so the flow is constantly interrupted. I agree with the comments of others. It seems like some words could be added for better balance of your lines. I am not going to line edit. If you are interested in suggestions, write me. I already posted my review on the poem of yours that I really liked :)

[Rhonda]

nice poem :) keep up the good work ;)