steel and glass

ever thought of steel touching glass!!

A steel touching glass

will the glass last ?

 

Soft water hiding between gaps

coroding steel s corners

taking it to a crack. 

 

Melted paste sticking to sand

as two in one , even with some dirt

 

And she said " Why did he leave me? "

I gave him everything i have.

Author's Note

broken hearts , why ?

Reviews

[dan]

I echo the comment below from Olivia Marie. If there was more substance, more backstory to this piece I would have a better idea about which to comment. I realize that English is your second language, but you should try to give the readers a clearer idea, a better view of the feelings you experienced. Thank you! take care...dan

[highthought]

They say that the secret of the poem lays in the heart of the writer ....sometimes the writer wants the reader to swim in the sea of his lines hoping that the reader find the message in few lines
.Dan if u can be more specific I ll consider it as a favor you are offering it to me ...thanks

[dan]

The beginning and middle parts of the poem are talking about the contrast between steel and glass, then sand and dirt...nowhere is any mention of human life, "he" or "she." Then out of the blue, the last two lines say, "Why did he leave me?" I gave him everything I have. The last two lines seem as if you changed your mind about the steel and glass and sand and paste and dirt...and transitioned into writing about a broken relationship. I am just missing the connection. You have a good poem started then you seem to switch to a whole different idea midstream. I'm sorry that I cannot see "the secret in the sea of lines." take care...dan

[highthought]

The steel represent a bad man in this poem while a weak female is represented by the glass ....then I went on saying that soft water could take the steel toa crack .. I meant by that is when a woman treat her husband softly even if he is bad , one day he will lean as what the steel gets a crack because of the soft water ....carrying on the meltedast with sand as two in one even with some dirt ...it tells about a married couple with casual attitude in their society will me melted together even with some dirt since none of them is strong enough to face life problems .....why did he leave me ....that is to refere that what was writing was about he and she ....

[highthought]

i took example from actual things that we see in our actual life .. steel breaking glass with a slight touch ....steel being crack by soft water .. paste sticked to sand..as two in one ...thise things are seen by us .. we believe that this is true so image will be clearer for us what i did was that i did transfer it to he and she ...

[dan]

I think I'm losing something in the translation, different elements in each of our cultures. What I mean is that even with your explanations I'm missing the connection...how is "paste sticked to sand?" I don't even know what that means. I'm sorry, I'm trying...dan

[highthought]

the pieces of paste the kids play with and make forms they rub it with their hands and make forms since it is mushy ....if you put sand on it it will sticked together and never get off...surely with better English than mine this whole poem will be better than this ,,you know punctuation and others ...but this is the max so far from my part ..thanks dan ..i wouldn't ask u that favor if i didnt know that i ll learn from you

[Elisa]

Yeah I'd have to agree with Dan. It's a collection of beautiful lines, but it needs a little more cohesion. If a writer has to explain what they mean to the reader, it means that it doesn't come through in the writing. Like I said, the lines separately are good, it just needs to be put together so that they flow.

[dan]

Elisa, That is my point exactly. It's like Scrabble; a collection of tiles can be put together to form words, but if those words are hard as hell to decipher it is frustrating to those playing. I think highthought probably has a great idea but something is lost in the language differences. And that is not his fault.

[Olivia Marie]

I wish that this poem was actually longer. That I knew more of the background. That way I can get a better understand of emotion from what's behind the first line. Other wise, a beautiful piece :) I will say the last stanza gets me the most. Just because of the truth behind that question.

[rosemary keogh]

Beautiful heartfelt piece.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

a touching and moving piece, a well thought out prose that pluck the heart strings, well done, good read

[JanuaryDreamer♥]

very nice poem! i really liked it! its a great way to look at things.
well done!
~gabby

[~Lizzy♬]

Oh wow! I had to read it twice also, but it was beautiful. :)

~Lizzard~

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

another good poem had to read this one twice :)

[JulieNorell]

This is pretty and asks so many questions with only one...Good write :)

[highthought]

Magedelena you are pointing at the real problem here , you dont know how much i got benefit from your reviews xx