The last stanza is the best part of this. I know you've used these first lines elsewhere, but it really has a lot of peace and summarized the essence of this entire write for you.
Be sure of what is full of
before being close or being far
These lines are a bit awkwardly phrased. I know what you mean, but they are not saying it in quite the right way and it interrupts the flow of your writing. I am struggling to give you a specific way to change except to take the easy way and add "it" after "What" so that the line reads correctly. Every description I think of right now is too harsh sounding for you poem full of soft sibilance and vowel sounds. This is just some thoughts on this, although I hate to reword and restructure work, especially my older work and will understand if you do not care to make changes. jc
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Yes sure I ll add it as u said ..u know having someone to live with the thoughts of ur writing gives.. read moreYes sure I ll add it as u said ..u know having someone to live with the thoughts of ur writing gives more power for the topic u re writing about especially when no coming intrest as what happen very often in living life which we are all in ..so writing could be an ascape from bluffing and cheating and others
Very well written!
{When winds come....
Some things stand others do fly
Once you fly..
ANY WIND WILL DIRECT YOUR LIFE}
inspiring stanza!! very, truely, well done.
i like the what you're trying to say with this piece : make sure you let the right things influence your life because if you let something take you away from your initial path, you could end up somewhere you didn't want to be. the way you put this into words with a poem is very interesting however, it's a little difficult to read. your words may need to be moved around a little bit, just some simple revising, so this piece can blossom and become an easier read. i found myself having to pause here and there due to the lack of flow and rhythm.
Ok i am a male , English is my second language, so it's hard for me to give a fair review sometimes, so dont expect a lot..
i am a sales manager and, had this attraction to writing more..