The last stanza is the best part of this. I know you've used these first lines elsewhere, but it really has a lot of peace and summarized the essence of this entire write for you.
Be sure of what is full of
before being close or being far
These lines are a bit awkwardly phrased. I know what you mean, but they are not saying it in quite the right way and it interrupts the flow of your writing. I am struggling to give you a specific way to change except to take the easy way and add "it" after "What" so that the line reads correctly. Every description I think of right now is too harsh sounding for you poem full of soft sibilance and vowel sounds. This is just some thoughts on this, although I hate to reword and restructure work, especially my older work and will understand if you do not care to make changes. jc
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Yes sure I ll add it as u said ..u know having someone to live with the thoughts of ur writing gives.. read moreYes sure I ll add it as u said ..u know having someone to live with the thoughts of ur writing gives more power for the topic u re writing about especially when no coming intrest as what happen very often in living life which we are all in ..so writing could be an ascape from bluffing and cheating and others
Life can, indeed, feel daunting and windswept. Yet, as we blow along, we’re guided by our own insights and perceptions. Nicely written. Keep it up, and let them flow!
Emily the last two stanzas are related to the ones before. i have explained what to be done in front of winds, then , after that i have gaved the warning that in case u fly and not stand still wind will control ur life , but if consider what been said in stanzas before , u wont fly with any wind unless it is the current that u have choose ( as what u said that u ll do in ur review)
the is our first debate , wish to have others
for me ,in debates, i dont look to win but i do look for best results even if it wasnt mine
I like the message here, the metaphore the wind represents. I do have to disagree with you though. (don't take offence, I love debating) Regarding your last two stanzas in particular, I feel that letting the wind sweep you along, carry you through life cannot be a fullfilling way to go through the days. I, for one, would much rather create my own current, or even fly against the breeze (keeping to your analogy) It seems like going with the flow would b a mediocre way to live, and a way to feel unfullfilled, unsatisfied instead of a way to find peace when it seems to be gone.
Anyway, as for he poem itself, I realy quite liked it, it wasn't repetative or amateur, it held underlying meanings which everyone can interpret to their own score which I feel is a huge necessity in any form of art. For your firstpoem on here, I have to say you are starting off with a good, lasting impression to the people on this site, and startingoff strong. Good job
-Em
Hmmm, I like this. Your imaged flowing through this were actually superb.. I read it twice.. And guess what? I'm going to save this as a fab, for that's what it is..
Ok i am a male , English is my second language, so it's hard for me to give a fair review sometimes, so dont expect a lot..
i am a sales manager and, had this attraction to writing more..