Remember the Little Things

I don't write that often anymore. Its frustrating, actually. I have so many words and feelings built up inside me but no words can properly explain them. No combination of twenty-six letters can decipher the codes written underneath my heart. What's even worse is that its so hard for me to express myself to you. The best I can do is show you my intentions, like when I rub your back as you fall asleep or how I kiss your neck when you're driving. I put more detail into the little things. I hope you notice them. You have your own little things, like when you hug me from behind and bury your face in my hair, murmuring how you think I look lovely. You're so sweet; like sour candy. I can only have so much of you until I get sick.

Its not what you think though. I could never get tired of you. I just know you get impatient with me and you're tenderness turns to shielded distance. Something in your eyes shift and your smile gets a little bit crooked. I'm a mess -- so are you. But maybe, just maybe, that's not such a bad thing. Of all the pains in the world, love is the most fatal. It rips you apart piece by piece, and you're left to try and sew everything back together. Once you love someone; really truly and hopelessly love someone you never stop loving them; I'll never stop loving you. I would even say you're the love of my life, but its silly to say such a thing if I don't know you think the same. You're thorns are less sharp nowadays. You still don't apologize.

That's not completely true though. You apologized the other day, when we were smoking in our usual spot and holding each other. When you said it your voice was soft and quiet and you were staring out the front of the windshield of your car, your brow somewhat wrinkled. I knew you meant it. I knew you meant it when you kissed me afterwards. I knew you meant it when you pulled me closer, sighing about how much you missed me when you went away. I'm nothing going anywhere. Just promise me you won't wander; think of me from time to time. Words are failing me. Just like my heart my mind my body is failing because I love you and it's killing me but I think you could save me. Just hold me. You don't even have to say anything. We can let our warm bodies and the silence speak for us.

Do you remember that night...