Juxtaposition

Reflections on previous relationships at 3 am.

swapped saliva and innocent kisses.

there is a dark room:

sweat and condoms and cigarettes,

a cold November moon.

 

I open my eyes and a beautiful green one

is staring back at me.

Don't look at me like that,

he said.

Like what, I asked.

Like you love me.

 

You stuck an arrow in my heart

like the needle you stick in your arm.

Am I a little crazy for you?

 

Love bought with

the sharing of bodies and words.

Me, believing everything they say.

You don't taste like a penny.

 

"Love, it's what everyone's after"

Burned up cigarettes

broken promises

your hollow breath in an empty room.

Author's Note

please no critiques on non-sensical lines. they mean something to me.

Reviews

[wicked.wanderer]

It's so down to earth, and, at the same time, so very not.
I think you really captured that feeling in this, without even having to explain it.
It's just there.
That takes skill, love.
I'd have to say I liked the line:
"You don't taste like a penny."
I would normally expect myself to laugh at that, but I took it in stride with everything else and found the meaning very deep, but when I reread it, I laughed.
It's not silly, just slightly amusing.
I like this, a lot a lot.
So I guess "a lot" squared. :]

[wicked.wanderer]

I feel it necessary to point out that all markedly well-known poets publish things that are understandable only to them.
It helps when they present it to be taken ambiguously - while their interpretation is unique, it allows for many other views to be taken from the same set of words.
There are people who strive for this all their lives and never accomplish it.
You have this skill present in this poem.

What I'm saying is, as a side note, if you're a dickhead and think this is stupid because it was written with particular memories, cheese off, because you don't know what poetry is.

[Eagle Cruagh]

I can`t take my eyes off your photo, is that really
you ? Bigfoot ?

Your poem is great ! A little sad, the part about the
swapped saliva, cigarettes and condoms in some room.
I guess you achieved your objective, because it sets a
mood.
Like you said, "some of the words have meaning only to me".

The poem is generally very well written and the message is
strong. Well Done !

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Apryl Skies]

I like the "non-sensical", more than that, I identify with them. I really think this is kind of like looking back at a dream after you have woken up. Sort of trying to piece together the obscurities you are left with upon awakening. The obscure metaphors paired with the threading of thoughts seem appropriate. Also the language descriptions are simple yet strong which I think makes the piece work. Having said that I think that the last stanza falls a little short. As the poem ends I am left wanting clarity or at least conclusion.

"You don't taste like a penny"...this seems to me a metaphor for tasting someone's blood...hmmm? just curious.

[Blue Sky]

and lingers on...deep and meaningful (obviously to the writer)
a glimpse of your memories delve deep in the reader, I like this very much!!!

[East of Eden]

i think it effortlessly connects with the reader. so much depth despite the shallowness of the male figure. an entirely naked account of unrequited love. it doesn't try to winge or extract any empathy, it's just pure truth of the situation. great write!

[Spit_and_Prayers]

This poem is quite interesting for the very fact that it is real. It is not contrived or fake in any way, and displays in a sort of stream-of-consciousness way the subtle formations of love. I feel like pieces of the story are missing, this may have been intentional, for it surely draws me in, longing for more.

Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

[Emily B]

I didn't read any nonsense. Pretty strong words. Beautifully, wonderfully written.

[Charles R. Ciminokii]

I enjoyed this one. I have felt some of those things. What do they call it, Love? Haha, sorry I'm being stupid right now. You have a connection from the peices I've read from you before with the heroin point. That would be nice if you connected your work together in a book. Its a nice little line and foreshadows an end. It flows really well and you put your point out. Very well grounded story. Good work, keep it up!

[Legion]

I didn't find any non-sensical lines. This is pretty deep in the sense of the desperation of an acceptance that will not be. Very well done. Kudos.