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 ‘If I have to get up there is going to be trouble.’ The threat sounded real enough but still remained hollow. Duggan backed out of the room watching with curiosity from the kitchen as Lazarus remained motionless. A sallow, pale and insipid man, with paper thin features he was merely a husk in good tailoring. Cradled in his right hand was a gun of indiscriminate make which he seemed unable to lift, let alone threaten anyone with.

  

‘Game’s up Lazlo; cup of tea?’ There was no response.

 

‘How old are you Jack ‘came the eventually whispered inquiry.

 

‘Thirty five and change; why?’

 

A smile crept across Lazlo’s face accentuated into a sinister grin by the stainless steel uplighter.

 

‘Not long now then’

 

Duggan looked up as the kettle boiled to a whistling crescendo.

 

‘Excuse me.’

 

Lazlo turned his head almost imperceptibly displaying a set of teeth like polished ivory.

 

‘Do I have your attention now Jack?’

 

A silent acknowledgement filled the distance between them, punctuated by the grating of metal on metal as Duggan slid the kettle off the flame.

 

‘What do ya mean by that?’ His inquiry sounded nervous; the balance had shifted. 

 

‘What do you mean surely Jack. Let us not forget our grammar; it’s one of the few things about you which I admire’

 

Lazlo turned his head away as Duggan re-entered the room.

 

‘Don’t be facetious it’s unbecoming.’

 

‘Defensive? That does surprise me. Normally so self assured and yet…’

 

Duggan sat across the room and pondered the circumstances. Lazlo was a man on the verge of death, if not right then and there, definitely a few months down the line. You didn’t steal from these people; there were rules, but that was for another time.

 

‘How’s business Lazlo?’

 

‘Don’t change the subject Jack; we’re known each other too long for games’

 

Jack smiled.

‘Always had a taste for the melodramatic didn’t you.’ There was an intentional pause before Jack continued.  ‘I’m a side note at best my friend. A hired hand to fetch, find and make sure you get to where you’re going nothing more.’

 

Once more the waxen smile encompassed Lazlo’s features.

 

‘So they want me holed up in a dingy basement flat with bad plumbing do they?’

 

‘I’m waiting on a phone call’

 

‘I’m sure you know what you’re doing Jack. Always were so dependable. We considered you a good bet when it came to jobs of this nature…in the past I mean obviously’

 

‘Meaning?’

 

‘Nothing. Just that in the past you were always highly efficient, reliable; tough to find better in all honesty’

 

Lazlo had relaxed, uncrossing his legs and rotating his ankles in circular motions trying to alleviate the apparent cramp.

 

‘You making anymore of that’ he said casually gesturing towards Jack’s tea cup with scrawny digits.

 

‘Didn’t realise you were fan…how do you take it?’ he said setting his tea down by the sofa and covering the distance between lounge and kitchen in a few steps.

 

‘White no sugar’ said Lazlo taking his gun and laying it on the arm rest, caressing the weapon absentmindedly while he waited.  

 

A few moments later Lazlo was inhaling the sweet aroma with fondness which flushed his face with colour, before tentatively taking a sip.

 

‘I would have thought that you’d want as much sugar as possible. Considering….’

 

Lazlo spoke over the lip of the cup, as if through the liquid itself.

 

‘Considering what?’

‘Well….’ Jack seemed nervous realising only after the fact that this was not possibly the best thing to have said.

 

‘You’re quite thin…aren’t you.’

 

He smiled; his eyes barely veiling an abject contempt and less than sunny disposition.

 

‘I am now.’

 

Lazlo’s eyes weakened for a second as he ran skeletal fingers through the thinning crown of hair which barely covered his scalp. The eyes had fixed themselves to the small window which drew his attention beyond the room to a time and place Jack had no right to intrude upon.

  In the few moments that passed time seemed to slow and stretch as Lazlo finished his tea, glanced at his watch and rose from the chair. Only with their faces mere millimetres apart did Jack get the sickly sweet aroma of Lazlo’s breathe as he lent in close to Duggan’s face.  Frozen for a split second Jack could see every scar, indentation, and indiscretion etched on the face of this marked man.

 

‘Shall we go’

 

‘But I am waiting for…….’

 

Jack froze and closed his eyes mid sentence. A mobile phone dormant until now vibrated as the silent alarm activated. In the moments between Jack dropping the cup and its impact Lazlo had moved over two feet; his aroma had left with him. Framed by the doorway, his suit jacket being whipped by an unforeseen through draft and motionless as a statue, Lazlo assessed him quietly.

 

‘They’re waiting for us…aren’t they?’

  

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Very well written piece. I'm intrigued by the characters, which is always a good thing, and I'm comforted by the fact that you obviously have writing talent that allows you to use great phrasing, description and momentum to propell your work forward. As I said, I'm intrigued, so I will be reading more--normally I'm a poetry reader, but this one got me for some reason. Well done.

[Christian Carr]

Thank you young lady. It is always good to know that things work and people are drawn in by it. Please let your friends know about it as I am new to the site and want as much input as possible. Blinding news..!

Christian

[gcp]

Intriguing - great use of dialog to keep the pace up - and good, tight prose. :)

I felt that this line was a little verbose:

The inquiry sounded nervous; a sign to all but the most ignorant that the balance had shifted.

Nothing technically wrong with it, exactly - but given the overall quality of prose, this line quirked. It makes me ask - who are these, 'most ignorant' people here to witness the nervousness? As far as I could tell, the two were alone - which only leaves us, the readers. The assumption then comes round. Do you think that some of your readers are ignorant and won't understand why he is nervous? ;) I think it could be improved by simply omitting the ignorance comment and getting straight to the fact:

The inquiry sounded nervous; the balance had shifted.

Or - if you trust your readers, drop the comment of balance entirely and have your POV character react to the change in the balance of power to confirm it?

sorry - tiny niggle on an otherwise superb piece - feel free to ignore me ;)

[Christian Carr]

Hi gcp,

I take your point about the sentence and the potentially underlying implication which is made by me about the reader. It was a minor slip into third person narrator which is why it feels at odds with the rest of the piece. An unknown consciousness underlining what is blatantly obvious and an unnecessary bit of literary spoon feeding on my part. Really glad youenjoyed the rest. Please feel free to read the other two chapters if you want as they are part of a whole, which I intend to edit in bits and publish gradually. Again thank you for pointing out something which actually improves my opening further....M