This Is Not a Poem

snippet 14

Don’t mistake my cynicism for wisdom

I’ve been to a dark place,

pegged to starless skyline.

                       

Under the sun, out of the gloom

The inspiration here is explosive

Athena bursts forth from the crown of the mighty Zeus 

on a bench in Prospect Park

Birds sing their songs while Athena

Her golden armor

Her ethereal white robes

Her sword pointing to the Pavilion across the street

striking a cloudless sky

Hovers over my shoulder

Guides my pen over the page

Beckons sparrows toward me

Author's Note

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Reviews

[Everett DeValle]

Mesmerizing eye candy that fondles my senses. Lovely metaphors.

[Man-Alive!]

Athena in Prospect park, sparrows--classic! Beautifully done, kid/ I haven't ben here in a year, obviously been missing out.

[Terrance Brown]

This poem is powerful, and your voice is strong. There is a compelling undercurrent of emotion in your words that leaves the reader in no doubt that you have seen the dark side. Although I must confess that I agree with Libby on the 'dark, dark, dark, place' line. There is one too many 'dark's. Perhaps the first 'dark' could be a 'very'? That aside though, very effective work. I like it.

[Libby McKeown]

I really like the last line. It's like the only reality to this allegory. It's like a dream, then the pinch to make sure you're not dreaming. One suggestion, however. The Dark, dark, dark part could use a refashioning with a metaphor. It kinda sounds like a fill-in phrase until you thought of something better. A mere humble suggestion. Please keep sharing!!