State

A journey through my mind rounded off with a passionate expression.

This state

This is not a good state.

That seems almost comicly spoken.
I feel inclined to say 'no s**t!', but that would be talking to myself...
Not good. Is it?

I wonder, how can a person vere so far of course?
Mentally that is... An emotional state of uselessness
A neurochemical state where nothing you do or have done seems to mean anything or matter much at all!

Everything seems cold...

My mind fluctuates between miserable depression and phenomenal ambision and creativity
It pisses me off... 

I wonder! Why can I not just be normal? Whatever normal is supposed to be.
My whole life structure is a twisted chunk of metal, overgrown with weeds and trampled upon by idiots, oblivious to what lies beneath their feet!
A rusted chain reaching to the outermost space in the known universe, from the innermost space in the known man...

It comes back to me every now and then... a secret that I would not share till the day I find success.
A secret eating away at my soul, impairing my progress.. So actively deminishing my ability to flow and create! To progress and advance in what I need... I really need... for success.

Of course it is all so complicated! And pathetic, as always.

Why need it be so hard!?
Why need it be so wasted!?

You! Your way is paved!
Your needs are paid for!
... You are in the system...

I... I dangle along in between, everywhere one would think I should'nt be.

I don't want to be here anymore...
I don't want to see these faces anymore...
I don't want to hear these voices anymore!
I don't want to fight these problems anymore!
I don't want to fix whats broken anymore!
I DON'T WANT TO BE SUBJECT TO PATHETIC, TWISTED IDIOCY ANYMORE!

I don't want to hear those screams anymore...
I don't want to stare into my nightmares anymore..
I don't want to say it is ok anymore..
I don't want to forgive and forget simply for the sake of sanity anymore!
I don't want to hear my god-forbidden name out of their mouths anymore!

I am sick of trying to make this work!
I am sick of living with mistakes I DID'NT MAKE!
I am sick of compromising for God's sake!!

These eyes have seen the truth...
They have been to the deepest place...
They seen many a broken face...
They have so much more to see!

This man has so much more to do.
So much more to create
so much more to share
So much more to dare

But here he is stuck in this mellow-destructive hole...
A refuge so sweet, so dark, void of comforting heat...
So stagnant, grabbing at your feet!
It's the best nightmare ever!
And its stuck on repeat...

Author's Note

The structure and sense of this might not be in good order, but that is part of what it is meant to describe.

Reviews

[Paige-Louise JessicaBun..]

wow.. urm. *speechless*

[Paige-Louise JessicaBun..]

OMGGGGG WIIICCKKKED PICTURE SWEETS!!! okok ima read your poem now .. ^___^