Red off rosewater's blush...

 Drowned in ten thousand 

                 ocean refrains

teeming blood rain, killing

             the red off rose's blush

lofty footprints on

          hardened sandbanks,

lost about misty mountain

               tops, defunct of air 

stepped towards a ledge of

           despair's crooked mile,

one foot in  graveyard's 

                  disparaging waves

plunged in a million

             deluged tides of poetry's

     disenchanted rhyme,

breached the haven of 

             lighthouse's beaches,

spied the trail left behind

       no impressions were tread,

drifting alone

        on this sea of 

              foamy indifference 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Adreamer's Bluejay]

The beginning of my comment is going to seem a bit off topic, but I love Tori Amos and this song fits your piece absolutely perfectly, well, beyond perfectly. I love how this piece uses descriptions almost like hers without being too closely alike and how you gave the piece your own unique voice (that kind of thing would make any influencing artist or musically paired artist proud). I really like the way you went about making your point in this write.

Drowned in ten thousand
ocean refrains

^ amazing introduction, you really got my attention here, without really giving away too much just yet.

teeming blood rain, killing
the red off rose's blush
lofty footprints on
hardened sandbanks,
lost about misty mountain
tops, defunct of air
stepped towards a ledge of
despair's crooked mile,

^ This is an amazing use of creativity to move along not only your story but develop the emotional undertones of this piece, which have been created and shared so masterfully. Great job, beautiful use of imagery.

one foot in graveyard's
disparaging waves

^ I love this transition and how it gives the reader not only a scene but some foreshadowing along with symbolism, depending on how they read it.

plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme,
breached the haven of
lighthouse's beaches,

^ The above lines are my favorite within this piece, they just sort of stuck with me, I can't even tell you why even though I swear I am trying to.

spied the trail left behind
no impressions were tread,
drifting alone
on this sea of
foamy indifference

^ Extraordinary conclusion. I love the way you wrapped up this entire piece of profound thought with something so completely simple.

Amazingly penned write.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"You got to fight every day to keep mediocrity away..." Van Morrison

I enjoyed this. It was a rather gloomy enjoyment but the phraseology was well crafted.

[Frieda P]

Great quote Fabian, thanks for your review and sharing that one...muchly appreciated.

[NeiL ArandA]

The silent killer " indifference " ... The recipe of defeat and destruction ... This word is a sister of hypocrisy in the church. Betrayal in marriage. It hides in many shapes and forms. It will kick you on your side when your down and out. Stab you in the back. .... whew .. This piece is thought provoking letting you blew all your steam .... Excellent write Ms Frieda. Its bringing my otherside ...:)

[Frieda P]

I think you just about covered it all Neil, thank you kindly. :)

[wordman]

loved the write the picture was great and the music was haunting

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Ron, jazz'd you enjoyed.

[Kelly Scheppers]

My tongue always get tied up whenever I attempt to review you, Mrs. P! I could just call this a "fricking amazing" poem, and leave it at that.

There are these two little boys, who are brothers, that come to visit me from time to time. I had them in my daycare since they were both 3 months old. Long story, short...they were here one day, and I heard the 5 year old use the word "fricking" in a sentence! I was shocked, but at the same time, it aroused a laugh out of me, which made him giggle even more.

I must admit, it certainly seems appropriate to say it here! ; )

sign me,
"fricking amazed"

[Frieda P]

OMG that made me laugh out loud! Ha...I didn't know you owned a childcare center too, those kids, I'll tell ya. Thanks for the frickin' review! ;)

[Kelly Scheppers]

...lol, you're quite welcome! ; )

[Lyn Anderson]

Drifting alone in a sea of foamy indifference. What a truly haunting and emotive piece.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much KL.

[ANM]

Dogs chasing tails round and round washing machine movements!!! Nothing mundane about your words though!!

[Frieda P]

Thanks ANM does feel that way some days.

[Matching Socks]

It has that feeling of wandering around on autopilot.
Things become routine, to stray from routine means to feel, to feel means to hurt.
Pleasure as always pretty momma.

[Frieda P]

Ahhh I like where you took this one Ana Sophia...thanks gorgeous!

[Matching Socks]

:) you're welcome.

[s y e]

// plunged in a million
deluged tides of poetry's
disenchanted rhyme, //

Ughhh, I just freaking love these 3 lines, for me, these lines made the poem. Honestly, this is one of my favourites from you for sure. You went all out here: wording, imagery, poetic techniques, everything... Absolutely perfect...xoxo

[Frieda P]

I'll take that a good Ughhh! Thanks muchly sweet noodlebumbe....xo

[s y e]

It's a good ughhh! ;-)

[Mark]

Disenchanted, disillusioned, indifferent. At times, this is life. Yet there is always tomorrow. Your prolific poetry shows that. Thanks for sharing.

Mark

[Frieda P]

Yes, always another day to be disenchanted :) Thanks so much Mark.

[Briana O'Connor]

Excellent guidance into the "sea of foamy indifference". I felt like I was falling with you. Palpable emotion and vivid imagery as always. Thank you for sharing.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much, jazz'd you felt this one..