Liquid tranquility...

words fell upon the craft of deafness 

      a creation binned for lack of purpose 

grayness of rainbows after toxic rain dusted the earth

    puppet lies lifeless in a heap of bound strings  

manipulations written in fancy fonts of Greek braille 

   hard sound of consonants in a comatose state of mind 

occluded passages as effect of presupposition's cause 

giants gratuitously come to pass the communion plate

  shadows dance round a fire of indignation's morose code

   spinning tiny jeweled dancer on a pellucid box of locked despair

sounds reverted back to an inky womb's liquid tranquility

     change retains its shape in echoes of one constant syllable

   chambered where unconsciousness languished peaceably 

Author's Note

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

It's all here Mrs.R, all the elements that define a Frieda poem...of course your style is so fabulously unique that it's hard for me to define many of those elements in a review...among the things I can point out are the witty and usually mood-driven oxymorons (grayness of rainbows), the wordplay (morose code) which also usually is mood-driven, often to convey bittersweet sentiments...and a sense of irony that can either be subtle to the point of coyness (hard sound of consonants in a comatose state of mind) or as obvious as a punch in the face...those are just the ones I can define...but it's your imagery that makes your work so special...

words fell upon the craft of deafness
a creation binned for lack of purpose...well, you know I relate to that in spades, but I could never say it like that ;)

I know this is a rather technical review by my standards, and you know I do not give technical reviews as a rule, but this one is just so rich in poetic devices that it was my natural response...but it's not the devices that make your work brilliant, it's your voice, and there's no voice I enjoy 'hearing' more...what a poem...xo

[Frieda P]

Blew me away Benji, as your responses always do. I'm thrilled you felt this one, wasn't sure about it to begin with, so I feel muchly better now. :) I kind of like this technical side of you editor-in-chief...you've made my day! :) xo

[kublakhan27]

I think I'm equally blown away by the fact that you weren't sure about this one haha Don't get used to the technical stuff Mrs.R, I'll always make the odd observation here and there, but I really don't like reviewing poems that way, especially yours ;) So glad that I could make you smile :) xo

[Frieda P]

Ha it's one of those when you know the sentiment in your head but the words don't quite match up or hit the mark, at least that's how it felt. Jazz'd you felt otherwise Benji. ;) xo

[kublakhan27]

Ha That's exactly how I felt with my last one Mrs.R, that's why it took me so long to get it done...I think these two poems should hook up sometime...they do have some things in common even though our styles differ ;) xo

[Frieda P]

Are you asking my poem out on a date? ;)

[kublakhan27]

Haha No my poem is ;)

[Frieda P]

I think they might need a chaperon. :)

[Rossen]

love the way you sling words,always something new and enjoyable...100/100


"spinning tiny jeweled dancer on a pellucid box of locked despair"

Rossen

[Frieda P]

Thanks Rossen muchly appreciated, love 'sling words'....

[Dhaye]

I see this one with a satiric pen. Lol.
Oftentimes we feel like puppets when someone dominates or controls us. But a writer has always the control of penning his words...

It also reminds me of a saying that " Water is deep when it is quiet; shallow when it is noisy".

Lol. The truth is, you are so clever in this piece, Frieda! Did I mention to you that you write like Sir Jacob when it comes to metaphors? Wow! You are both great!

[Frieda P]

Wow, to be seen in the same caliber as Jacob brings joy to my heart, quite the compliment...Thank you!

Was my swag showing, perhaps, it was a bit satirical, my ink flows involuntarily that way a lot..... :)

[redflutterby]

Well your choice of music pulled me into this poem...I actually felt like I was the marionette on a brightly lit stage. Arms jerking...legs kicking...sort of creeped me out. And your poem well you know there are those that manipulate so subtly that you never even realize it. Best to avoid those types, they are often the devil incarnate. Just my daily piece of FBI wisdom...ha

[Frieda P]

Is that what they teach you in the FBI...I thought you were going to hunt me down or something ;)

[redflutterby]

Don't tempt me miss smarty pants...haha!!

[Frieda P]

I'm not even wearing pants ha ha

[redflutterby]

Great now every male writer (and a few female no doubt) are all excited because Frieda is pant less....can you hear the stampede headed your way??? ha....

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the creepy puppet music to go with the piece. My interpretation? Puppets don't even know when you pull their strings, because they have nothing about them that passes for human.
As for grammar I would say either puppets lie or puppet lies

[Frieda P]

You could be right about that KL, when we're being manipulated sometimes we don't even realize it...lie is an intransitive verb, why doesn't it work here dragon editor? ;)

[redflutterby]

KLis right...one or the other joisey!! Ha....

[Frieda P]

You're not splainin' why Lucy!

[redflutterby]

Pffftttt....it doesn't sound right the way you have it, don't expect technical answers from me. Im assuming puppet is singular so it would be puppet lies.

[Lyn Anderson]

Because grammatically, either the puppet(singular) lies or the puppets (plural) lie, otherwise you have created a new noun puppet lie, does that kind of make sense?

[Frieda P]

Not really, but I'll take your word for it since you probably know better than me....

[redflutterby]

Just fix it woman!!! ;-P

[Frieda P]

Zip your yapper, don't you have some FBI work to do or something?! :P

[redflutterby]

Im off duty trying to pretend im a poet.... heeheeheehee....

[Frieda P]

We're all pretending hon ;)

[redflutterby]

Some are better at it then others....lol!!!

[Frieda P]

Play nice Red! ;P

[redflutterby]

Me..... not place nice??? NEVER!!! Ha...

[realmwriter]

And you made that little puppet dance a graceful play around a soft romance. But I do believe the rain washed away the puppets heart as he tried to cut his strings but realized that he cannot disentangle himself enough to reach the scissors. Amazing write my friend.

[Frieda P]

I love your interpretation realmwriter, thanks so much.

[realmwriter]

You are most welcome.

[Lily Mae]

I love this.. you manipulate the words perfectly to create a masterpiece.. excellent write..xo

[Frieda P]

Wow thanks so much for your kind words Lily Mae, you've humbled me my friend. xo

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is wonderful. The music gave life to the words.
"shadows dance round a fire of indignation's morose code
spinning tiny jeweled dancer on a pellucid box of locked despair"
The poem left me with the want to know more. I love how you twist and organize thoughts. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Frieda P]

I'm tickled you enjoyed this one Coyote, means a lot coming from you, thanks my brilliantly poetic friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Frieda. You words make me want to write better.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

some words just stay in the subconscious and won't find their way to the surface...really like "indignation's morose code"---and the paradox of "grayness of rainbows"---

words fall, the deaf poet does not hear them...writes in a cloud.

[Frieda P]

It definitely does feel like writing in a cloud most days, thanks jacob.