PMS, better known as Punish Men Severely...

Satire or Horror, you decide...

Of course I'm insane, I'm a woman!

Blame it on my reproductive track...

     & hormones out of whack

it's that time of the month

       like the perfect storm,

moods are fluctuating,

        could end up a bloody

     Potential Murder Suspect

steer clear if you want to keep

   your man parts intact,

they call it PMS because 

  Mad Cow Disease was already taken,

I'm fine, don't touch my breasts, I hate you

  I want chocolate, I need ice cream, 

      where's my AK-47, come here, 

                          go away...refrigerator

I'm not crying, I'm retaining water

   it's seeping out through my eyes...

Do I look bloated, what did you say???

    yes, girls are so much fun

      in the meantime unless you're not into

       estrogen induced mania

        prone to fits of psychopathic outbursts 

       of rage induced depression, keep a safe distance...

   meanwhile brace yourself it only lasts 

       till we're old and gray,

         then we finally get a break

           chillin' to the heat of the beat

                     of MEN o' PAUSE

 

This is why women know GOD is a man!

Author's Note

captcha-propene ha

Reviews

[redflutterby]

How about satirical horror...or horrifying satire... let me set down my AK-47 and my chocolate bar to say BRAVA you cunning poetess. I'm sure you have single handedly made every woman on wc cackle with glee and scared the crap out of every male. Hahahahaha.... did I mention last night that I loved this? Or was that one of my other personalities named raging Sybil. ;-P

100 semi lucid moments courtesy of hormonal chaos!!!

[Frieda P]

LOL love the review, Sybil at your service here too, we must be twins, and synced together as well in our 100% bat shyte craziness. ;)

[redflutterby]

Amen to that sister....the world better shudder if we both ever completely snap at the same time!!!! HA!!!

[Frieda P]

Ha sounds like the apocalypse to me !!

[Avinash]

....that is why I say treat women like nature when she is kind enjoy ..have a party and when she changes her mood better run for covers ;)

[Frieda P]

I always knew you were a smart man. ;)

[xDalliance]

Hahaha, this is a lovely read. Very well written too. I like it very much.

[Frieda P]

Thanks, jazz'd you enjoyed my silly scribbles.

[Kelly Scheppers]

"they call it PMS because
Mad Cow Disease was already taken..."

I truly believe the manufacturers of Midol should reconsider printing THIS as a consumer alert on their packaging!

Now, THIS is the Frieda I know and love!!! ; )


Kelly

[Frieda P]

Huge smile on my cranky face now! ;) Thanks Kelly....

[Lauriegirl]

This is cute and fun and ironically written! Good write!

[Frieda P]

Thanks Laurie, glad you enjoyed my crazy.

[R Smith]

Not fair, men are not to blame.....ok give me my arm back and a needle and thread, pissed myself laughing at Mad Cow Disease was already taken, best line ever and so true!!!!............help need another blood transfusion, mad woman attack, I need a nurse, OH! NO! it's APRIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Frieda P]

Silly man, we don't go for your arm! ;) Just saying, April might be able to do a reverse Bobbitt. haha

[R Smith]

does that come with an extension, just wondering.......

[Frieda P]

Don't look at me, I can hardly sew a button on right....

[R Smith]

bloody hell, APRIL HELP!!!! I need a surgeon!!!

[AprilRN1210]

haha!!! I did tell you if you ever came in my ER, I would show you I had a sense of HUMOR right?... Lmao... (just saying)....

[Frieda P]

OMG it's on your face! hahaha

[R Smith]

"I DID'ENT MEAN A NOSE EXTENSION" bloody women, now move it!!

[Frieda P]

April is tripping what did you expect? LOL

[AprilRN1210]

no take backs... haha... should be careful what you ask for... :P

[Frieda P]

That'll learn ya... ;P

[R Smith]

If I were not a gentleman I'd tell you where to stick it hahaha :P

[therisa]

You know, Frieda, people question my sanity for wanting, to have a monthly visitor, with all of the trouble associated with it. But it beats, having to deal with testosterone, on a daily basis, poisoning your body. I welcomed the day, with open arms, when I swallowed my first premarin pill, as part of my HRT.

Thank you, for this humorous take, on having PMS. Maybe, I am, the one, who is insane for wanting it. Oh well.

[Frieda P]

I'm sure not having it has it down side too...but it can surely make you nutters as a mad hatter.

[therisa]

Rather be nuts, then dead, Frieda.

[realmwriter]

I have met many woman who are exactly like this when they are "riding the cotton pony", kinda reminds me of my ex wife when she was out of smokes. You know, men can get like this too though. But I think women have us beat. Very good, I actually found it rather refreshing to read a woman admit to being insanely crazy and I think that's why so many men can identify. Well done. But still, I'll not pretend to be in your heads, I am forever lost on that one.

[Frieda P]

That's a new one on me...out of smokes will bring out the same kind of insanity...thanks for your thoughts...you'll never figure it out, don't even try!

[realmwriter]

I have given up trying, now I just enjoy women for the beauty and power they wield.

[TL Boehm]

Overshare time: I thought when I entered that time of existence wherein this cyclical BS stops cycling - life would be better. My body has moved into the bimonthly plan but rather than half the trouble - things make up for themselves and its TWICE the TERROR.
This made me laugh while examining the tines of my plastic fork and wondering about things like trajectory of tines and the softest part of a man's body...perhaps an eye....
Great humor here Miss Frieda. I would really never use a plastic fork to extract an eye.

[Frieda P]

UGH so I've been told...peri isn't a barrel of monkeys, I hardly believe you about the fookin' fork though haha :)

[TL Boehm]

hides fork behind back....sneaks out of room.

[Sindu]

Oh Frieda! i would say, a horrific comedy. So intrinsically and clearly warned all those out there who make a hell about it.
I would love me some popcorn and chocolate, and let the show begin with me as the audience..
Haha.. that would be some show..

[Frieda P]

Oh most definitely popcorn & chocolate! Thanks...

[Sindu]

welcome :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, okay then...yes, "be afraid, be very afraid"---

but hell, men go through their moods too...

we just don't show it physically with the same symptoms..ours are more psychosomatic...

ah yes...Men O' Pause...

c'mere c'mere c'mere, get away get away get away.

[Frieda P]

Yes I do agree Jacob, but you don't get the notoriety, nor a name to go with it....we're just lucky, go away, come here, apple pie. :)