Sun's dim betrayal...

Rushing towards 

         placating shadows,

resolved in empty

               hushes' recessed corners

strangling in translation,

light shatters

                        prism's safety

   blindly perplexed

             in shade's hazy view,

frozen memories

          thawed to embers

  digging in the ash

                to remember,

how the gleam led

                to such dark detours

   when windows of reason

       abruptly closed

moments of sanity seem to

             trickle down,

dancing faster

               to catch up with dawn,

closed my eyes in shallow

        depth's recall, 

  asylum harbors

           taunting deceptions

   setting fire to denial's 

                   flared up insides,

                blistering under a sun's

                              dim betrayal

Author's Note

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

first let me say, what an awesome damn song.. I haven't ever heard it before.. oh wow... I love it... get lost in the beat, then she starts singing and holy hell.. ooooh yes...

ok, on to your writing... girl... you took me on a downward spiral, that seduced me lower and lower... shadows seducing me from the darkness.. cooling contrasts from the sweltering heat... beckoning me to quench what my soul desires... too bad once I give in, I see the betrayal... but what a ride...

[Frieda P]

I adore Jill Tracy, she is beyond talented...jazz'd you enjoyed the music April.

Seductive shadows, I quite like that description...and yes OH what a ride....thanks so much, I know you get the dark side too....

[AprilRN1210]

oh yea... caught the anger in here well.... betrayal will do that to ya... this one doesn't punch, it scratches deep a wound that oozes on the page... and yes... I like her...

[Frieda P]

Ha I should file down my claws before someone gets maimed. :)

[AprilRN1210]

sharp precision is deadly... but necessary sometimes... I wouldn't... :)

[Frieda P]

You know I was just kidding ;)

[AprilRN1210]

no really?.... couldn't tell AT ALL... :P

[Frieda P]

They need a sarcasm button at the cafe.... ;P

[AprilRN1210]

ha, when dealing with smartasses like you and me, definitely... I get it easily, but that is because that is where my brain was to begin with... lol
gotten me in plenty of trouble but oh well.. just me... can't help it.. button would help... big blaring red one that says, DUUUH.... lol

[Frieda P]

HA exactly, I just consider anything that comes with that southern drawl as sass. ;)

[AprilRN1210]

haha... yuuup.... just cute enough to get away with it... but like you... those claws are needed sometimes... keep em sharp:)

[redzone]

Sharp claws.. er.. nails. Frieda, April!!?? HA!! I never would have guessed... nope, never. :-p. How could I resist these comments.. lol. But I always love to intrude..
~~redzone

[Frieda P]

Only when absolutely necessary, or for fun!! haha ;)

[AprilRN1210]

well hey there! yea... watch out for her claws... apparently i don't though. haha.. not going there again... else she makes me blush again... :P

[Kelly Scheppers]

Wowsers, girlie friend! This song kicked my a*s, and I'm sitting down! I MUST look into this one!!

There are poets on this site that defy the superlatives needed to review the caliber of their work. YOU are most definetly one of them...at least in my book!

[Frieda P]

Holy wooo...doing the happy dance, you knocked me over with your humbling words my friend.
read moreHoly wooo...doing the happy dance, you knocked me over with your humbling words my friend.

As for Jill Tracy, you'll adore her stuff, listen to Haunted by the thought of you...it's superb.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Wonderful writing, my friend!
Amazing insight in select words that flow off my tongue so well.
You are conveying all the emotions and making it come to life.

[Frieda P]

Nice to see your face at the cafe again Josie! Thanks so much for your kind words.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You are welcome!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such a fine line between insanity and denial...

i guess they overlap...this poem is deep and affected with shadows and detours to normalcy....

another great write, Frieda.

jacob

[Frieda P]

Thanks muchly for your kind words jacob, always appreciate your thoughts.

[Lyn Anderson]

For me, this is about being betrayed by someone that should be above betrayal. The sun should be bright, not dim, and above treachery. Sometimes those who are most supposed to love us are both dim and treacherous,

[Frieda P]

You're feeling me KL, I knew you would....

[Kai Rollins]

I don't even think I'm qualified to review this. But to say the least, I drank in, oh so deeply, this betrayal. It was suffocating truly. A lovely write with words beyond my time.

[Frieda P]

I don't think there are any qualifications needed, if you 'felt' it, that's the best a poet could ever hope for, thanks for your kind words Kai.

[s y e]

//talks jibberish// holy fudgin moly sauce, Mama F. What the heck can I say about this that I have not mentioned in any write before??? Like damn, I think I just got blown to my own planet, Noodleville. The contrast in this one was beyond awesomeblossom. Like, wow!!

// when windows of reason
abruptly closed
moments of sanity seem to
trickle down, //

These four lines made the write for me, I loved it and how they read, the imagery, the wording, the power. Phwooar!!

100 flip flops & all that jazz for youuuu xoxo

[Frieda P]

WOW now this made my day sweet pea....grazie mille, love a phwooar! & flip flops, oh my. :) xo

[An owl on the moon]

Falling so far into your words.. your emotional reflections... the darkness of shadows so suffocating...

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Craig, they feel as such some days....

[Sophy Freebirds]

"Moments of sanity trickle down,dancing faster to catch up with the dawn"- how desperately you try to hold on to sanity. But drowning lower and lower into the deception.. i really liked it cause i was able to connect to it.. your words beckon me to leap in and taste the sheer darkness.. :) well done dearheart...

~Sophy

[Frieda P]

That's what we do with our words, connect the dots. :) Grazie mille cara....

[Ruth]

Served Frieda style...you bring the volcano to the surface and let it erupt with insight and full worth xo

[Frieda P]

Ha, that's pretty funny gorgeous. :) xo

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Your poetry never ceases to amaze me… even when talking bout pain your words still have a positive vibe of hope…

really love this part…

frozen memories
thawed to embers
digging in the ash
to remember,

[Frieda P]

You're too kind cowboy, thanks muchly my friend....

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I am just being truthful Moonbeam.

[Frieda P]

So, you still love me then? ;)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Of course i do, but you are on probation. :)

[Frieda P]

LOL so what else if flippin new? ;P

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I don't know Scooby Doo.