Lily-pond wishes ~

Part I

You won,

 yet kept pounding 

   til defeat was futile

war games without battles won

   hanging crucifixes til they cursed

crushing white matter to gray dust

   watered down in holy water's baptism

visions of peace shattered

              principles of the pie bloodied

 pieces don't add up nor divides

  chanted prior to the apocalypse being stoked,

     sang Kumbaya in F sharp,    Jesus took a recess

Part II

Across dreams of lily-pond wishes,

   where fireflies' light prances

there is no hunger, devastation, 

           disease or babies crying....

children are laughing & singing,

 swaying on swings of immortality

poppies stand guard on old gravesides,

     reminders of the futility of war 

Author's Note

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

Poppies stand on guard...like generals who dole out the rules from the safe confines of their offices...the irony in that statement is overwhelming, and the most fitting end there could be...you just have a way of looking at things like no one else Mrs.R...this is a different kind of commentary for you, but who would ever notice the difference? You take every subject and make it your own...I think the irony of that ending is made all the more potent by the opener: you won...and from there you take us on the journey of how to win a war, and it isn't pretty...

You know, I never thought of this until just now, but it's almost like you were channelling War Pigs by Black Sabbath...the images you evoke are not unlike the images in that song...in fact, they're downright uncanny in some spots...when you're channelling Sabbath you know you've written something dark and unsavoury...you've done it again love...I am truly affected by this work...xo

[Frieda P]

I've been told that before Steve, but not in a good way....I'm thrilled this one touched you my sweet friend, and thanks for the formatting hints, I think it worked perfectly this way. :) xo

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure Frieda, I'm glad I could help in some way, and I'm grateful and touched that you liked my suggestions, not that they were needed for this to be such a gem ;) xo

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and sad poem. My favorite war poets were from World War one. Photo gave life and purpose to the poem. The terrible wars hurt the children, women and the old people. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much for your kind words John.

[Miranda Richard]

I loved the second part the best. Why didn't the first one rhyme? Ah well it was still a wonderful poem. You conveyed a lot of emotion with a very serious mood. Maybe too serious. But war does destroy lives, among other things, and expressing hate for it one must not speak too lightly. Beautifully written,

[Frieda P]

I'm not a rhymer, some poets are so good at it, it doesn't' flow naturally when I write it, I didn't think the second part rhymed either, if it should happen it's purely by accident most times. Thanks for your thoughts Rayne, glad you enjoyed this one.

[Ruth]

I am either very emotional this morning or the poetry I am reading today has hit a peek of poignant impact...Frieda - this is simply outstanding writing, seriously xo

[Frieda P]

Holy Poppy, you took my breath away gorgeous, thanks so much! xo

[Ruth]

Always my pleasure love xo

[Frieda P]

Coming from a talent such as yourself, that means a lot....enjoy your weekend lovely woman. xo

[Ruth]

And you gorgeous soul and thank you! xo

[Alfred Kukitz]

Nice write Frieda! I enjoy the structure of the poem, the wisdom in the words and your beautiful song that accompany the triumph of goodness.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much for your kind words Alfred, glad you enjoyed this one.

[anne]

excellent work....
Across dreams of lily-pond wishes,
where fireflies' light prances
there is no hunger, devastation,
disease or babies crying....
children are laughing & singing,
swaying on swings of immortality........loved it.....

[Frieda P]

Glad you enjoyed this one anne, thanks so much.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

I like the symbolism. Nicely penned. Somber.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much MAD.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

The first part Rings like what is happening
Foreigners being killed and Young Children
Christian boys being killed so much Blood being
Spilled like our Hearts being ripped from our chests
I know in those times God is feeling his Children's Pain
one single Tear would be Shedding from Jesus Cheek this
is what this music says to me and the First verse of pain and
blood Shed upon earth makes you cry.



And we hope that there will be a time he will
dry our tears and there will be no more dieses
nor sickness in the world some day it will happen
lets hope we are all ready for him to come.




I loved all of it but the first part put me to
tears was so sad yet so very beautiful as if
the Unbelievers and Hypocrites were Mocking
Jesus as he hung upon the Blood Cross again for
our sins and I see it all in my mind and how cruel
they were being towards him and puts me to tears.





Beautiful and sad Stanza's lines all together I loved them.



You won,

yet kept pounding

till defeat was futile

war games without battles won

hanging crucifixes till they cursed

crushing white matter to gray dust


Across dreams of lily-pond wishes,

where fireflies' light prances

there is no hunger, devastation,

disease or babies crying....

children are laughing & singing,

swaying on swings of immortality




poppies stand guard on old gravesides,

reminders of the futility of war



A time one day where war will end
and there will be peace and no hate
in one's eyes and they will love as God does
seems like just a Dream but one day it will be so.



Did you mean to leave the l off of till
and if it was a typo but if it was meant
for you to do it sorry if not I think you meant till.


Yes you made me cry and I saw all
what I said in my mind like a movie.


Blessings. Benita / kindred poet

[Frieda P]

Thanks for such an outstanding review Benita, muchly appreciate your kind words.

It's a variant of till, but I should have probably used a backward apostrophe, which I'm shocked I let one slide, although those with a serious apostrophe pet peeve are probably overjoyed ;)

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

You're welcome. it was a pleasure to read. Ah don't let it bother you I Just
thought I would let you know I am my own Worst Critic
when it comes to writing but I have had to learn not to be such a
Perfectionist my mom is that way with writing I am also but we are not perfect:)
get it form my mom being that way to myself from her Just a Jean that she passed on to me
I guess lol...

blessings. Benita/ Kindred poet

[Einstein Noodle]

i feel somber .. and so neededly reminded of war terrors .. written in Freida :) i remember someone talking about the miracle of fire flies being able to light up .. he compared it to an atomic reaction on a very small scale .. your poem reminded me of that and i thought how ironic ..

i love part two ... you leave me dreaming of better things ... thank you for that! :)
E.

[Frieda P]

Jazz'd you speak Frieda then. ;) Thanks so much E, I wasn't going to post them together, Steve suggested I do so, the genius was right of course, glad I did now...... :)

[Einstein Noodle]

well .. i am learning ;) never would have guessed them separate .. that was good advice you took ... had to read it again ..it is quite good if you ask me ..
E.

[Ayushi]

Life consists of such two parts indeed.
We all wish to always experience the second one though :p
Brilliantly written :)

[Frieda P]

Yes, if we could only rewrite life as we do poetry, thanks Ayushi. :)

[Tom]

Yes indeed Frieda, how many more times must we repeat and sing this song before mankind wises up once and for all ?

A stellar, compounding write on the futility of war, let the little children's laughter be our future!

[Frieda P]

Wish I knew the answer to that one, I think it will never end unfortunately Tom, thanks so much for your kind words coach.