Lily-pond wishes ~

Part I

You won,

 yet kept pounding 

   til defeat was futile

war games without battles won

   hanging crucifixes til they cursed

crushing white matter to gray dust

   watered down in holy water's baptism

visions of peace shattered

              principles of the pie bloodied

 pieces don't add up nor divides

  chanted prior to the apocalypse being stoked,

     sang Kumbaya in F sharp,    Jesus took a recess

Part II

Across dreams of lily-pond wishes,

   where fireflies' light prances

there is no hunger, devastation, 

           disease or babies crying....

children are laughing & singing,

 swaying on swings of immortality

poppies stand guard on old gravesides,

     reminders of the futility of war 

Author's Note

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

Poppies stand on guard...like generals who dole out the rules from the safe confines of their offices...the irony in that statement is overwhelming, and the most fitting end there could be...you just have a way of looking at things like no one else Mrs.R...this is a different kind of commentary for you, but who would ever notice the difference? You take every subject and make it your own...I think the irony of that ending is made all the more potent by the opener: you won...and from there you take us on the journey of how to win a war, and it isn't pretty...

You know, I never thought of this until just now, but it's almost like you were channelling War Pigs by Black Sabbath...the images you evoke are not unlike the images in that song...in fact, they're downright uncanny in some spots...when you're channelling Sabbath you know you've written something dark and unsavoury...you've done it again love...I am truly affected by this work...xo

[Frieda P]

I've been told that before Steve, but not in a good way....I'm thrilled this one touched you my sweet friend, and thanks for the formatting hints, I think it worked perfectly this way. :) xo

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure Frieda, I'm glad I could help in some way, and I'm grateful and touched that you liked my suggestions, not that they were needed for this to be such a gem ;) xo

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Frieda your an amazing poet. Every line was brilliant.

[Moonie]

This is real good poetry. From the title to the beginning sentence to the curtain. Every phrase speaks its part brilliantly!

[Rita L. Sev]

Someone needs to tell Jesus that recess is over... Your concluding image is simple yet so affecting, Frieda.

[Tai Ryens]

Speaking of war while your speaker appears to be residing in the pond of reality in which no war has rippled across its surface recently, only recalling the profound effects of it and the way nothing looked clear while the ripples had taken place. Wishes they are indeed that the pond shall forever remain peaceful adn calm. Well portrayed.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Two different contrasts...in each their development here --- Frieda...night and day...the funeral and the wedding...yet we all would like to deny the first and celebrate the second...
yet life is not fair...we all differ in our thoughts and judgment...and at times judgment leads to the unthinkable in the first...
both side die and for what we all say after words...if not conflict --- then have we not learned from aggression...in the second when we mend --- do we talk about the first...not to repeat it...
yet the cycle is inevitable --- since there are always two sides to a coin...evenly balanced --- there is peace --- should it fall to one side or another...conflict strikes or agreement is written...
facts are that we are the outcome either way...one holds those flowers as a sign of peace --- yet like the petals fade --- war is fleeting...but finds its way back --- no matter how we engage ---
there two sides to a story --- we only hope the happiness continues to prosper and not decline its nature...

[SquinklaPsyOps]

I like the title, draws a reader in! So full of fantasy and delight. The flow is so rhythmic and the words so beautifully done!

[Sophy Freebirds]

Freida... !! You have hit it out of the park i must say.The futility of continuation of war after emerging victorious is well depicted."Jesus took a recess" ha.. o yea,by watching all these terror in earth he might be tired of us- fools.. Your this poem was remarkable ,powerful and thought evoking- just my cup of tea. You are versatile babes.Keep writing.

~Sophy

[Sarabelle]

Great job, I'll have to say, I really loved this, how you used the words that made me feel like I was actually feeling wind and smelling the smells of war and pain and flowers, and I just thought it was a great poem. Awesome job, and I'm so so glad that I was able to read this! I really like the faint spring theme, and if you stick to metaphors and similes like that then the reader really will be able to feel your poem in literal terms, and they could possibly become more popular, but great job, and awesome wright! I can't wait to read more!!

♥Sarabelle♥

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Wow!...I'm speechless, Friedalicious...

You bore a hole in my brain with this one!...

All I know is this is the epitome of evil....

Powerfully penned... I'm stunned! xxxxx

[Frieda P]

Those were my sentiments when I was writing this one Robbie, so much evil indeed, thrilled you were affected in the same way...thanks so much for your kind words my sweet friend. xo

[just Penny]

This is brilliant !!! Having felt jaded for a while and losing my perspective on what makes something "good poetry" I can now see - this is it. Penny

[Frieda P]

Wow Penny, you floored me, thanks so much, I think 'good poetry' is anything that makes you 'feel' something, that's my gauge anyway...muchly appreciated!

[just Penny]

I'll remember that, thanks :)

[Frieda P]

I think it means something different to everyone, some people are real sticklers for form and meter, and don't care if the content is affecting, to each his own. :)