Creeping Determinism ~ Einstein Noodle & Frieda COLLABORATION

this tragedy was so avoidable

all the dots were there

connected to a creeping feeling

clear like mosquitoes stuck in amber;

determinism held like muddied arrogance

trying desperately to dance

Reflecting back, 

like camera shutter winks

rippling within the eye's wisdom

twinkling blinks of  past reality's snapshots

everything looks better

swayed waves of sight

like heat rising over ocean sand

so simple to see when turning pages 

looking back

frozen memories 

thawing in currents demands

  digging in the ash to remember

how the road led to indecision's rhyme

   when windows of reason shut the mind

       moments in life seem to trickle down

as the clock ticks ticks quarter to hindsight

Author's Note

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

This is incredible feast of imagery...I was hooked at the connected dots, a fitting image in light of the poem's style...the major theme I take from this is media manipulation, and a search for the truth in visual propaganda...am I over-analyzing it with that interpretation? The clip suggests a less-serious piece than what I'm reading ;P But again, I can't stress enough how much I loved the imagery here...the windows of reason shutting the mind really got the wheels turning, possibly because I like window imagery, and a lot of my ideas come while looking out my window...congrats to both of you on a sterling work :)

[Frieda P]

Something along those lines, E read a book...we were trying to fill in a few chapters ;) I find windows enticing fodder for poetry too Dali, ain't that a coinkydink? Thanks for your glowing review sweet Benji, muchly appreciated! :) x

[kublakhan27]

Haha Okay good...I'm notorious for misinterpreting poems, except for yours ;) The list of coinkydinks is pretty long Mrs.R haha You're most welcome my sweet friend :) x

[Frieda P]

I love where you took it...it's mostly about hindsight, but that would fit too....in your brilliant Dali mind, it probably makes more sense ;) xo

[kublakhan27]

Haha Speechless now Mrs.R...I saw the hindsight element as well, among other things...I read it a few times so I collected a few ideas ;) xo

[Frieda P]

That's the best part about poetry, n'est-ce pas?

[kublakhan27]

No question ;)

[Einstein Noodle]

Kubla .. i love your take on this .. i wonder if this may help:
" creeping determinism, is the inclination, after an event has occurred, to see the event as having been predictable, despite there having been little or no objective basis for predicting it, prior to its occurrence.[1][2] It is a multifaceted phenomenon that can affect different stages of designs, processes, contexts, and situations." from the Wikipedia .. :) i was beginnign to think this was a flopper .. you give me hope Kubla .. so glad you read and left tracks :)
E.

[kublakhan27]

It does help indeed E, I learned something that I did not know before...many thanks :)

[Nusquam Esse]

I personally feel that the first line would be better without 'so', since it is such a bland adverb.
I am also thinking that a comma after clear on the fourth line would make sense; when I read the line, I naturally wanted to pause at that point.
I like the last part of this stanza; the combination of a philosophy such as determinism with muddled arrogance, as one tries to tear free from prescribed destiny.
I would add a hyphen to make a compound word out of camera-winks; if nothing else, to make the sentence's meaning more clear.
The fourth line of the third stanza feels like it could use a comma after 'see' and 'pages'.
Likewise, the last line feels like it needs some form of punctuation between the ticks.
You two's styles of poetry are quite different and it is really clear how different from looking at this piece. They make for a rather interesting contrast. If you wanted it to read as one fluid piece, in which the reader couldn't tell it was written by two people, they you may want to revise. But if you are fine with the inconsistent style, or even want to emphasize it, then this is fine as it is! Great job you two; I always enjoy seeing collaborative efforts between people on here.
PS. Love Captain Hindsight!

[Frieda P]

Thanks muchly for your insightful and in-depth review, will have to see what E thinks, you know he's the difficult one. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

leave to you Esse .. great review and advice .. for me (being the difficult one) i vote to leave it .. we made no attempt to further blend our styles .. cant say it was conscious or not .. we just wrote it ... as for punctuation .. i am worse at that than i am at cross word puzzles .. and the little i attempted ... Freida made me take out :))) .. thanks again for taking time to read and give such a thorough review .. much appreciated!
E.

[Frieda P]

Ha, I thought I heard my ears buzzin'...you went all semi-colon berserk E! ;P

[Einstein Noodle]

yah right!

[Jack Cassidy]

The first stanza's imagery is really beautiful. It really serves the topic very well... Cool collab... K.

[Frieda P]

Jazz'd you enjoyed Kusa, thanks...

[anne]

A wonderful one......its wow.........

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much anne...

[NoelHC]

Hindsight is always 20/20, and I give this 10/10 x 2, 20/20 total. Nicely written both of you, insightful hindsight.

[Frieda P]

Clever Noel, thanks so much....

[stars are far]

That was very amazingly done.,.i loved this work..
great job from both of you friends :)

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much star. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

same here stars! really appreciate you taking time
E.

[stars are far]

my pleasure dears :)

[Spaceman26]

Creepy! Ewww so creepy for some reason!

[Einstein Noodle]

what an interesting .. and exciting (for some reason) reaction .. i love it! :)
E.

[Frieda P]

I don't know what that means....

[Einstein Noodle]

but for some reason arent you excited :))

[Rita L. Sev]

With collaboration, the reader can see the individual poets in the lines; this collaboration created a new poet entirely - Freinstein? The best of both artists, creating some great images!

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha Rita i love it .. Freinstein i hope that we can use it for future creations .. what do your say Freida? ... and thanks for reading .. always appreciate!
E.

[Frieda P]

Leave it to Rita...it's better thank Brangelina, grazi mille Rita!

[willweb]

This was great, both of you. This is what a poetic collaboration should look like. The poem was outstanding. They can package it, make it look good, but when it comes time to deliver, reality steps in to connect the dots. I realy enjoyed this today. Very, very good Frieda P. and Einstein Noodle.

[Frieda P]

Wow thanks Will, muchly appreciated...

[Einstein Noodle]

yes, willweb .. thank you very much
E.

[Kayleigh]

I am not familiar with Einstein Noodle but this was definitely a cracker. You guys write so beautifully together. This is my favourite poem to date.

Is Einstein Noodle related to Noodlehead? I apologise profusely if not...

[Einstein Noodle]

no .. not related but i would adopt her in a minute if she would have me! she is creative wise beyond her years and beautiful too :)
thank you for reading and your kind words
E.

[s y e]

You can adopt me any day, EN! You're so sweet and kind. You know you have a place in my heart. :) You're the best!!

[Kayleigh]

That is sweet of you to say about her Einstein Noodle and Noodlehead you're the sweetest, I hear from Dale you already have a little family here at writerscafe. That's lovely... He says you're so loved.

[s y e]

Yes I have my own little family for sure... I love everyone here! I am sure you will too.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Don't know who wrote what parts cause the words blended wonderfully… nice work you two.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Dale.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are welcome Moonbeam :)