written on a night's chill

Written on night's chill

   patterned in  stillness's cruel shades

darkly bound of salted tear's sorrows

   inky desperate curses dripping

in moon's sighs of hopeless translations

   waiting for the sun to surrender

Sought your face in every shadow

     beyond misty cobalt promises

seething  of indulgent  prayers 

  contention of redemption's affirmations 

       deliverance on empty cloud's atonement

   exhaling a struggling final whisper...

                                            in the crying rain

   

Author's Note

Reviews

[s y e]

// seething of indulgent prayers
contention of redemption's affirmations
deliverance on empty cloud's atonement
exhaling a struggling final whisper... //

Oooooftt!!! I think I just got blown to some place in the US! This was mighty powerful and full of emotion. You know, I always thought of the rain as tears, so I loved this analogy.

Wellies & all that jazz! xoxoxo

[Frieda P]

Oooftt, what a stellar review, thanks muchly noodlebumble! That's why we have to dance in the rain....xo

[Zahra]

Despair is so affectively expressed here. Awesome write

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

OMG, Frieda once again another fantastic write.

Kaze~ xx :-)

[Baby Ricochet]

Wow.... Sad ending of loss. Good one Frieda

[Patricia]

Lovely poem, great lines, every one of them, can't pick just one but if I had to I would say the fifth line of the second stanza...that is amazing. Your poems never let me down, they always leave me humbled. :)

[Frieda P]

You humble me with your gracious review, thanks so much Pat. :)

[Deuces]

"Waiting for the sun to surrender" - that's a fine line right there. Would be an awesome title, as well.
This was a true submission to the darkness and loneliness of the night.
I love it.

[Frieda P]

Thanks, seem to be the consensus on that line....sounds like a plan G, grazie mille.

[Scott Metro]

A phantom with promise...elusive...
Very nice dear heart.

Scotty

[Frieda P]

I like elusive, thanks wolfie! ;)

[Scott Metro]

:)
S.........

[Frontier]

" waiting for the sun to surrender"...............interesting line, the sun which we can't live without, but somehow we wish would surrender...

[Frieda P]

Some things are clearer in the night, thanks Frontier.

[Kelly Scheppers]

There's something profound about your closing line...
"in the crying rain"

Funny, how I never thought of the rain as a metaphor of crying. What a brilliant analogy!

[Frieda P]

Thanks, that line seemed to jive with most people, jazz'd you enjoyed it Kelly!

[Kelly Scheppers]

Most people refer to rain as "pouring" or "hard"...but you poetically referred to it as "crying". That's just too damn cool! ; ) I mean, really...

[Frieda P]

I have my moments ha ;)