~EXpir'd Dance

untimely teeming downpours,

     my tears slid down your cheeks

as your heart bled unto my soul

    without concessions revelation's pulse,

alas, beating eyes speak in disclosure 

    proclamations etch'd in blood

envelop'd the yielding surface skin

    strapped to a behindhand'd watch

that read a confession of surrender

   at quarter past indignity and 

half past sinful indulgences

   rollback was warranted

but time had earlier run out

   faith expired on the second hand

dance end'd when the music laps'd

     love died an untimely death

...whilst the band play'd burning violins

Author's Note

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

Time dripped into the bottom of the hourglass at the same speed in which the rain poured, the tears fell, and the heart bled and dribbled down, only to have your lover realize far too late and try to fix things that can be repaired no longer. I quite enjoyed this one; it's a clever take on the hourglass concept presented uniquely with a metaphor twisted in delicately . . .

[Frieda P]

Grazie mille Tai, exactly, always jazz'd to read your reviews..

[Tam Warink]

OK, I admit to a snort and a chuckle with "the burning violins" thing. You DO go on, Frieda. :)

So a guy comes up to the first violinist and says, "Hey buddy, got a light?"

100 flaming lines

[Justine]

"quarter past indignity and
half past sinful indulgences"
- I love how you play with time ! A tragic end to a relationship told beautifully in this poem. The poem could have finished at "untimely death" but you gave us more and what an encore ! I like "burning violins" and it could be the start of a whole new poem?! Great writing as always, Justine

[emmajoy]

Umm... just a minute, shielding my eyes from the video.. seen Bambi so many times!

Superbly phrased, '.. .. that read a confession of surrender ~ at quarter past indignity and half past sinful indulgences.. ' but beauty positively gleams from that final sentence - is pathos wrapped in passion. Love your writing.

[Frieda P]

Oh petulia lamb, it'll be alright...ha, thanks so much my sweet friend x

[Alia ZJ.]

'Love died an untimely death'.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Ghalia.

[roarke]

Your writing examples a true and original sense of perspective. From title to last line you build a moment and emotional expression that obliterates anything, any cliche expression before it. Great stuff.

[Frieda P]

I'm humbled roarke, thanks for this glowing review, much appreciate all your kind words today.

[Lyn Anderson]

A goosebump giver for certain. I would like to curl up on your hearth and purr.

[Frieda P]

Anytime KL, serving warm milk and cookies. ;-)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hope that damned clock was still under warranty. Anyway you should not be clock watching when fu**ing one another's brains out. No wonder it ended lol. I don't know who is more ethereal in their writings you or Em! Very ethereal!

[Frieda P]

Haha John, always one thought in mind, you. We're sisters, that's why! Thanks so much..........!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Always been a fantasy of mine!

[Frieda P]

Oh I wish you could see my face right now!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Your face!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Ahh Freida it is such a joy to read your poems .I always anticipate the heartfelt lines and pure sweetness of your work :)

[Frieda P]

Ahh Vidya, I could kiss ya girl...thanks muchly! ;-)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome sweetie :)

[Frieda P]

Mwah, there you have it ha ;-)

[Vidya Bacchus]

...................:D

[MsJewel]

So many wonderful lines worth remembering and repeating...another masterpiece Frieda. I love how the last line just brought everything together.... This is one for my library. I poem I'll read again and again. :) Julie

[Frieda P]

Well thank you so much Julie, means a lot. :-)

[Leigh]

How you have related time and emotion is a masterstroke, love that twist that brought me right into this one in one go.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much, doing the happy dance to that remark Leigh!

[Leigh]

Lol good, I can imagine

[Frieda P]

haha it's not pretty but it makes me happy ;-)

[Leigh]

Do a Scottish jig than you can have a whiskey :-)

[Frieda P]

Oh I have no clue how that one goes...and I never acquired a taste for whiskey, but there's always time ;-)