A mother's anguish...

...just a simple thought

although unsettling ones persist,

from the center of my universe

unfolded of the heart

furled in golden ribbons

for you to behold

lemondrop kisses

apricot nectar'd hugs,

you were the sweet little boy

i bounced upon my knee

reminiscing when life was simpler

before the monkey on your back,

twisted addiction zapping your fortitude

pulsing false breaths of pleasure

can't you see past needle's eye/

deeply cutting into darkly dwelt fragility

at what cost will you defray this pain

tearful of ashes that curb this hook'd bag

you're killing us slowly with your fixation

where did my precious baby boy falter

or was it me?...

Author's Note

Reviews

[luviva]

this is a mother's cry...
and i felt for you even though i have no kids of my own
i understand the pain because i see the little boys waste away
on streets puffing away cigarette smoke as you as 12 year... and i cry a
deep cry. you might feel responsible but the son "baby boy" is at fault too
he had a choice, to remain the baby boy that mommy adored or to waste away to an addict.
but fear not... he will return to you!
time will come when he realises that addiction is no good.
everyone has a turning point and his will come.
nice write.. for all the parents and young boys here on WC.
enjoyed it as i always do

[Frieda P]

Thanks for reading this one luviva, hopefully you're right, before something tragic happens.

[luviva]

he will turn round.. just be receptive when the time comes

[Baby Ricochet]

Heavy and introspective. I'm so sorry frieda. This must be killing you

[Frieda P]

Thanks Baby, it's an ongoing battle, it's killing both of us it seems.

[Justine]

"you're killing us slowly with your fixation
where did my precious baby boy falter
or was it me"
No, it wasn't you. We are all responsible for our own actions and we can find creative ways to justify them, or crutches to give us excuses even permission to carry on self destructing. In the end, it's our decisions. But you know all this already I suspect. From this poem what comes across loud and clear is unconditional love. That's the greatest testament to a mom. I cringe when I think what I have put my parents through and still they stood with me, loving me. This write I am sure will help others. Excellent. Justine

[Frieda P]

Exactly Justine, I'm glad you got the sentiment behind it...we all put our parents through hell, part of the deal I guess. Addiction's an entirely different animal. Thanks so much for reading this one.

[lee von cleef]

Or was it me?
The weight in life,
Guilt,
layers of sediment in our foundations,
Broken,
Crustaceans , coral,whelks, Left or Right handed ones,
Broken ,
Seven Spanish Angles
Saddle bronc rider, Died.
Yesterday.
The window of my own mortality
Blew cold breath down my shirt collar .
Now he leaves a daughter and son.
Though I doubt anyone can really leave .
Look at us carting them along.
May you smile Frieda, May your son meet Bucky.
Bucky the Saddle Bronc rider who named his son " Who"
I 'll Bet they will have fun.

[Frieda P]

That's very eloquent Lee, and I have no clue who Bucky is, he may have met him already on one of his highs...thanks for your affecting words.

[lee von cleef]

Just a "A Buffalo Bill Rough Rider Type " who could do anything horse back, and forgot to learn how to say no,Naming his son "Who" to me was Rodeo genius at work, I can here the teachers reading the kids name, the announcer playing with it to the crowd .Ya I miss him, but his son will carry on. and yours will find Bucky a Hoot.

[Frieda P]

That's worse than a boy named Sue.....

[lee von cleef]

I hope the son "Who" learns to say No better then his dad did in life.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

A mother is always a mother first and their children will always be dear to their heart. Even though they have grown up, you want to be there with them in their time of need.
You hope that you have given them enough love and guidance to make them a good person with good values.
But you have to let them "FLY" and find out how to cope with the REAL world on their own.
I watched the uncut version of this film some time ago and it is raw and pulls no punches.
That scary world of addiction, and Not being able to do without the drugs.
I have been there with my second marriage and it is very ugly at times. The addict is not the person that you knew before the drugs, and it hurts both people and everyone around you.
The ugly monster that the drugs turn people into is scary and real.

[Frieda P]

So true Josie, they're ruled by their addiction and hard to see that person you once knew, you've dealt with it so you know this angst and pain well, thanks for your kind words.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Yes, I went through it and lived it with my second husband. I loved the person that I fell in love with, but not the addict. I had to let go after several years of dealing with it, and I still wake up in the middle of the night --wandering where or what has become of him. I went to sessions with him and I really tried to make it work, then he turned on me and my child. I had to leave him behind after that horrific event.

[Frieda P]

Sorry to hear that, can't turn my back on my son, he's part of me....freaking drugs, I hate them.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

I understand that is why I had to leave because of my daughter.

[Kimmie]

It's hard being a Mother sometimes Frieda, even I know that, we have our precious babies who make the wrong choices but they're older and we can't tell them what to do anymore; we kind of don't have control over them.

[Frieda P]

No we don't but hard to watch them destroy themselves.

[Kimmie]

It's painful.

[Rob Santana]

Aaww, Frieda this makes me sad. I can relate this to my baby sister. I recently seen here we haven't spoken in years. I wish I didnt see her that day. My heart goes out to you.

[Frieda P]

Very sad, addiction is certainly hell on earth...sorry to hear that Rob. xo

[Sarai Lee]

This is such a sad and truthful peice; heartbreaking really. You captured a mother's fear and worry very well, at watching her child destroy themselves and wondering always if there is something they could have done. This was very moving! Thanks for sharing!

[Frieda P]

Was a tough one to write but it had to come out, thanks for reading, and thanks again Sarai.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You are having a reflective and torrid time from Lee to your lost son. This is yet another elegant expression of your personal purgatory. My heart goes out to you but you have many people who send you karma.

[Frieda P]

Thanks John, holidays tend to stir up a lot of emotion for me, all that merriment and I just want to kick them in the shins and go hibernate, just saying...

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Indeed, can a Mother really ever turn her back, regardless of the crime/sin/hopelessness, I think not, a great piece.

[Frieda P]

Thanks for your kind words Thomas.

[redflutterby]

This makes me weepy...partly because of what I'm dealing with right now but also as a mother with four children. We blame ourselves...no matter what happens. This one comes from the deepest part of your heart. But you know they have to do it themselves.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Red, I know you're in the midst of it dealing with your own loss right now, yes, they do but it's heartbreaking watching them falter.