Battle Across the Pond ~ Dr Wood vs. Just Jack

Two grand poets on the WC take on the challenge ~ Battle across the Pond...Dr. Wood vs. just Jack...cast your votes now!!! The theme was 'Take a Walk on The Wild Side'

The Frieda challenge ~ Battle across the Pond~

...Just Jack vs. Dr Wood,  they have boldly taken on the mission to take a walk on the wild side!   These guys aren't afraid of a little friendly competition!

#1

THE WILD SIDE OF LIFE

 

Oh a young girl called Jane

was so boringly plain

that she knew she’d not be someone’s wife.

So she got out of bed

and to her mirror said;

“what you need is the Wild Side Of Life.”

So she packed her suitcase

and she dolled up her face;

but she could not disguise her plain looks.

Well the taxi came round

and she WAS airport bound

for a flight she’d so hurriedly booked.

And the Pilot, oh dear;

what a hunk, and SO near.

And he smiled as he passed by her seat.

Then he came back to speak

and her knees they went weak

and her heart seemed to skip several beats.

And the Pilot said, “Jane;

you’re incredibly plain;

guys like me won’t give YOU but a glance.

But the Steward’s ok

even though he is gay.

Chat him up girl you may have a chance.”

Well the plain looking Jane,

she just sat on that plane;

but the trip did not go as she’d planned.

For the plane was attacked;

by three Arabs in fact;

and in Africa came in to land.

But young Jane she escaped

with the help of an Ape;

and they ran for what seemed like a day.

Then she heard a strong voice;

and she stopped; she’d no choice.

As an Ape man was stood in her way.

And the Ape man said “My;

you’re incredibly shy.

But with YOUR looks I’m hardly surprised.

And he said, “I’m Tarzan.”

What a hunk; what a MAN’

and the girl tried to flutter her eyes.

Tarzan said “I’m a guy

who would catch a girl’s eye;

I am handsome and muscular too.

In this jungle I’ve found

there are no girls around.

So my dear you will just have to do.

And I know you’ll agree;

there are none out do ME.

I can climb I can hunt, I can shoot.

So please marry me Jane;

oh I know you’re quite plain.

But compared to the Apes you’re quite cute.”

So young Jane got her man

and her WILD life began;

it was SO wild she struggled to cope.

So if YOU are like Jane, and incredibly plain.

Just get out there and don’t give up hope!!!!

#2

Wild Thing

“Take a walk on the wide side”, she said with a smirk

Come on and be cool now, don’t be a jerk

I looked at her funny, so funny indeed

Not even sure if she’s talking to me

 

Red hair and nails, her lips just a glowing

Mini skirt, high heels, her lady thing showing

I kept to myself, didn’t pay her no mind

She shouted, “Hey buddy, you’ll like what you find”

 

I was feeling quite nervous, sweat on my brow

I know it is me she is talking to now

I strode a bit faster, my eyes straight ahead

She said “Come back mister”, yes that’s what she said

 

Fishnet her stockings, cleavage revealed

I reached for my wallet, make sure it’s concealed

Now I was running, the sidewalk a blur

But there was no way I was outrunning her

 

Clippity clop, her Pradas were banging

Earrings this long, I could hear the things clanging

The closer she got, the faster I ran

She screamed, “Please stay honey, for I need a man”

 

It’s then that she caught me, so out of breath

The smell of her perfume scared me to death

I said, “I’ve no money, not even a buck”

She answered, “No problem, that I was in luck”

 

Her teeth they were crooked, yes that I was seein’

She had no accent but looked European

It’s then that I noticed, then that I saw

She was no woman, no woman at all

 

Five o’clock shadow, of that I was sure

Something familiar, I’d seen her before

Those eyes and that nose, I said with a lurch

Aren’t you the preacher, that Methodist Church?

 

Now his look was funny, so funny indeed

He shouted “Amen” while running from me

I didn’t give chase, no there was no sense

He ran cross the street, jumped over the fence

 

I stood there and laughed for what I now saw

His right high heel broke, on his arse he did fall

His mini skirt flying, his wanker now free

It looked like a peanut, so small it could be

 

I stared as he disappeared clean out of sight

Red hair and fishnets, gone with the night

I laughed once again and now must confide

You’ll never catch me walking his wild side 

Author's Note

ALL IN GOOD FUN ~ CAST YOUR VOTES NOW FOLKS!!!

Reviews

[shallimarRose]

LMAO........ lolol

Well I am assuming this is a different Jack (just Jack?) Because neither of these were written by the jack I know and love I dont think...
While they were both pretty cute I have to go with #2 .. it was hysterical and the ending was priceless... shallimar

[Frieda P]

One of them was written by our Jack, not saying which, thanks shallimar!

[shallimarRose]

Wow neither are his style at all that I can see.. I know someone called "just Jack" lol thats why I said that.. xo

[Dr. Wood ?]

I vote for the good looking one.......YOU work it out

[Frieda P]

LOL!!! ..................................................................................

[shallimarRose]

lmao................................ have not seen Dr wood yet.. hmmmmm lol

[Frieda P]

He's cookin up sausages, the way to a woman's heart. hahahaha

[Dr. Wood ?]

I hear he's a handsome chap....Despite the burns from all that flying fat

[Jack...]

He looks great in Pradas

[Dr. Wood ?]

whatever THEY are..Us Backwoods Brits know NOTHING

[Frieda P]

Stop being a Groucho goose.....

[Dr. Wood ?]

Whoops...gotta get back to those BANGERS

[Jack...]

Don't forget the mash

[Frieda P]

You & your potatoes, I prefer the Bangers....

[Dr. Wood ?]

it were handsome................just like someone I know

[Jack...]

I prefer a nice hot soft tortilla to put my banger in, but that's an entirely different menu.

[shallimarRose]

lol I better stay outta here before i get into trouble.. I want to know who wrote what though so I keep coming back... lol

[Frieda P]

If we told you, we'd have to kill ya shallimar, sorry hahaha I think most people got it right....

[s y e]

This made me laugh quite a lot actually, I have to go for number two though, I thought that was hilarious. Although I'm not sure who's in who. xD

Can I guess? Jack is number 2 and Doc is number 1????

Both amazing pieces if you ask me, that was a tough vote.

[icelandicblue]

I liked finding out how Jane hooked up with Tarzan so I vote for #! although I thought they were both hysterical.

[kublakhan27]

Great work guys :) Sadly I'm too diplomatic to be the type to vote on one over the other, but if I did, I'd still have a hard time choosing one...I love both pieces and the different identities each one presents...great work :)

[Angi]

Ha! They both had me rolling, I couldn't stop when 'her lady parts' were showing and then his wanker got free!! All I could think of was 'Old Greg's mangina!!' (If you don't know it, you have to Google. OMG, stupid, stupid funny!) LOLOL!! Because of that, I have to go with #2. I have no clue who wrote what, I can see both of them with this kind of humor. Loved the fun Friday shenanigans! Angi~

[SyberRose]

Loved them both but i will go with two....:)

[Frieda P]

Thanks Rose :-)

[Rita L. Sev]

Ok, both are funny - but I have to go with #2. I've got the song "Lola" playing in my head...

My hunch is that Doc wrote #1, and Jack wrote #2...

[Frieda P]

Oh good, I was waiting for you Rita, you can be score keeper, since I only like words and can't count this high,..lol, thanks teach!

[Angel]

Oh, my!
Of the two, I prefer the first one...the second one is funny, too...but I guess I'm an old fashioned kind of angel. Sex is funny, and a guy being chased down the street by a bad drag queen even funnier...and hilarious that he turned out to be the preacher! Priceless, but too easy.
The first one took more imagination, and showed more...I dunno...pinache, I guess.

If I had to guess who did which one, I'd have to guess that the first one was our good Doctor Wood, and Just Jack did the second one? First, the first one just seems more the good Doctor's style, and then, I think it's in America we call experimenting with gay sex "a walk on the wild side"...but I'm not sure about that. I guess I ought to watch more Logo television...

[Frieda P]

Hmmm I thought you were out camping, thanks for stopping in Angel! lol

[Angel]

I have a laptop now, Dearie, so I can enjoy sitting by the seaside, and still keep up with shenanigans in the Cafe...
Besides, as you know...
I am a poet, after all
;-D

[Sami Khalil]

I will go with no. 2 for the same reasons as the others and also the first one has some stereotyping in although in a fun way. I like Jack's style alot but not in this genre for it is not the proper one that we know...:)

[Frieda P]

Ha there's nothing proper about frieday challenges hon. ;-) Grazie Sami

[Sami Khalil]

Grazie mille...:)

[Baby Ricochet]

#2. When it comes to funny it's hard to beat being chased up the street by a bad drag queen

[Frieda P]

....and you would know this how, Baby? Thanks!