~Disenchanted Sandcastles

Collaboration ~ Jack & Frieda

I averted my eyes so you would not see

the color of destiny fading to gray,

cobalt thunder bolts had dimmed

to a dingy shade of regrets

yesterday's fervor suspended mid flight

 

And I laughed, if not out of humor

but some odd sewn reason collecting

on the seams of my thoughts    

patterned after fracturing waves

finding their end on a zigzag shoreline

 

like driftwood washed upon the brink

our passion wave stood motionless

dulled beneath a brilliant sun 

blinded by halting dark clouds

 

digging in the sand, a shell held tightly

between shivering fingers, searching

for that which we had, moonlit sharing

reckless on flip flop hopes, and dance floor desires

 

quixotic footprints in the surf gave way

to dusty shadows upon broken sandcastles

flying kites were just an illusion

their flight plummeting into dark seas enveloping me

 

frantically reaching, nothing is found but salted air

an empty hand of slow motion wondering

scattering dreams like so many skipped stones

on blank surfaces, only to understand sinking ends the illusion

 

you held me in your sight one last time

guilt welled up dusky dreams in my tears

past written on elusive carbon copys 

of grievances that adulteraded my heart

  

on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights

 or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit

 alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days

 worn smooth of  memories, and as I know I am to blame

 a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her

Reviews

[s y e]

You two are my two favourite people on here! :) I love you both and when you do a collaboration it is utter perfection. You guys just seem to fit your work in all the right places. You both work so well with imagery and the emotion. This is really heart wrenching but an amazing write.

"on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights
or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit
alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days
worn smooth of memories, and as I know I am to blame
a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her"

This is an absolute tear-jerker but amazingly well written. I loved it all, it was so well structured.

My kiddiewinkles are all grown-up! (not sure why I said that but.... yeah)

[Frieda P]

Awh noodlebumble, you're too sweet hon, thanks muchly, and yeah, weird finish lol :-)

[s y e]

Haha, I'll take that out. :P

[icelandicblue]

You two work together seamlessly. I love the backdrop of the ocean in this especially the use of the sandcastles. The pall of sadness in this is palpable and your words cut to the heart of anyone to has loved and lost. Another wonderful piece from you both.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Anne, when we started, out wasn't sure where this one was going, but we each had the same idea of the ocean/sand, glad you enjoyed it!

[Jack...]

Thanks you so very much Anne. It was an honor to write with Frieda again. Your kind words always thrill me.