~Disenchanted Sandcastles

Collaboration ~ Jack & Frieda

I averted my eyes so you would not see

the color of destiny fading to gray,

cobalt thunder bolts had dimmed

to a dingy shade of regrets

yesterday's fervor suspended mid flight

 

And I laughed, if not out of humor

but some odd sewn reason collecting

on the seams of my thoughts    

patterned after fracturing waves

finding their end on a zigzag shoreline

 

like driftwood washed upon the brink

our passion wave stood motionless

dulled beneath a brilliant sun 

blinded by halting dark clouds

 

digging in the sand, a shell held tightly

between shivering fingers, searching

for that which we had, moonlit sharing

reckless on flip flop hopes, and dance floor desires

 

quixotic footprints in the surf gave way

to dusty shadows upon broken sandcastles

flying kites were just an illusion

their flight plummeting into dark seas enveloping me

 

frantically reaching, nothing is found but salted air

an empty hand of slow motion wondering

scattering dreams like so many skipped stones

on blank surfaces, only to understand sinking ends the illusion

 

you held me in your sight one last time

guilt welled up dusky dreams in my tears

past written on elusive carbon copys 

of grievances that adulteraded my heart

  

on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights

 or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit

 alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days

 worn smooth of  memories, and as I know I am to blame

 a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her

Reviews

[s y e]

You two are my two favourite people on here! :) I love you both and when you do a collaboration it is utter perfection. You guys just seem to fit your work in all the right places. You both work so well with imagery and the emotion. This is really heart wrenching but an amazing write.

"on this empty boardwalk, no carousel flashing lights
or pizza vendors counting coins for change, I sit
alone, my touch tracing our initials, carved of better days
worn smooth of memories, and as I know I am to blame
a tear finds my cheek… for I shall truly miss her"

This is an absolute tear-jerker but amazingly well written. I loved it all, it was so well structured.

My kiddiewinkles are all grown-up! (not sure why I said that but.... yeah)

[Frieda P]

Awh noodlebumble, you're too sweet hon, thanks muchly, and yeah, weird finish lol :-)

[s y e]

Haha, I'll take that out. :P

[Cassie]

Wow!!!!! this is what I would like to call poetry that leaves me speechless

[Frieda P]

Thanks muchly Cassie, speechless is a great review!

[Archangel Gabriel]

I did not know before I started reading that this was a Jack/Frieda collaboration and I still don't know now! Simply divine!

[Jack...]

Thanks so much my friend. Frieda is a dream to work with...I hope I never wake up.

[Leslie Philibert]

Frieda uses well thought out structures ; like the use of italics here that creates a poetic dialog.

[Dana Alsamsam]

sometimes co-ops can end up disjointed and although this one has a wide breadth of topics it seems to just flow wonderfully together! you two definitely should do this again in the future :) love all of the sandy beach images and the bittersweet ending.

[Jack...]

Dana, I appreciate your kind words for our poem. It is a dream come true to work with an amazing poet like Frieda.

[Tai Ryens]

A materiel lover perhaps? Seemingly incapable of love yet if only you'd read between the lines of the adorer, you'd see the longing for a connection despite being (or feeling) unable to. Once loved, once lost. I don't believe it could get any more enjoyable and intriguing than how you chose to portray it.
Now that I ponder the thought, the ocean is a metaphor for time, especially how the seashell views the 'dark oceans' as the enemy and how it eventually washes away her outline on the beach..

[Ravyne Hawke]

wonderful collaboration.. such a beautiful and sad tale this one. Love the sea and sand metaphors. My only suggestion.. the last line, ended with " for I shall truly miss her"... the "her" stopped me cold.. maybe that was the purpose, but I kept wanting to hear "you"...

[Jack...]

Thank you so much Lori. I loved working with Frieda on this...she makes me look good, doesn't she?

[Ravyne Hawke]

you both are wonderful poets.. I think you feed off of one another's energy

[Pryde Foltz]

What a work of love: the love you have for your art; the love you have for each other; and through your generosity, the love you have for us. Could you two do this everyday? Great write.

[Jack...]

Pryde, it is so much fun to write with Frieda, it might be illegal to do this everyday. Thanks so very much my friend.

[Anand Sehgal]

rantically reaching, nothing is found but salted air
an empty hand of slow motion wondering
scattering dreams like so many skipped stones
on blank surfaces, only to understand sinking ends the illusion

What a scene..!! marvelous

[Jack...]

Thanks so much Anand, happy you enjoyed this. Frieda is such and inspiration to me and such an amazing poet to write with.

[Angel]

It's almost as if you two are sharing the one mind between you.
Once again, beautiful, guys. I love it.

[Frieda P]

Oh heavens forbid, if poor Jack was in my head, he'd surely flip out! ;-) Thanks so much Angel.

[Jack...]

Thanks so much my wonderful friend. If I were in Frieda's head I would more than likely be overwhelmed with all of the beauty I would see and I'd never want to leave and she'd be stuck with me forever. Not such a good thing for her, but I'd sure have fun. :)

[SteveB]

A lovely haunting write. And again the two of you balance each other very well. I love the imagery you used here starting with the color of destiny fadig and running all the way through to the empty boardwalk. Very well done.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Steve, Jack is really a pleasure to write with, glad you enjoyed it.

[Jack...]

Thanks Steve...did you see J. Todd asked Frieda to read this Friday night. It really needs a woman's voice don't you think?

[SteveB]

Why not a duet?

[Jack...]

I think they only have one phone line in...

[SteveB]

Conference call? Or record the two of you and play the tape?

[Jack...]

Nice thought, but I'm not sure that can happen.