Grinding Monkey Hook

what's left to believe

    when veins have been purged

your pain sticks a needle in my heart

we both bleed

 the same shade of blue

weaving in and out of obsessions hook

 cravings are possessed

 by toxic bags of kick

monkey on your back as a grave marker 

 with self fulfilling prophecy

grinding the music to a deathly tune

 that takes no prisoners 

slept with my eyes open, still 

couldn't save you from the litany that looms

last chapters pen'd in the etchings

 primal guts on tombstones written in original sin

negotiations negligible and non pending

 in contracts of self delusions

tomorrows only suffice to write the legacy, 

 an epitaph of unyielding sorrow

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

Oh Frieda,

How I cried when I read this. I felt each and every word. Even in overwhelming pain you are able to grasp those fears and bring them to life, even for the uninitiated. The future has never looked so frightening- especially since futures are so stunted when they only consist of a day at a time.

[Frieda P]

I know exactly how that feels, and what you mean, seems just yesterday they were little guys falling on their knees, and now they're just falling, there's no band-aids for this pain, thanks so much.

[icelandicblue]

My love and hope to you, for both of us.

[Leandro Mendez]

beautifully written Frieda :) great great piece

[kublakhan27]

I've never posted it, cuz it's old and awful, but I wrote a poem when I was younger with the same first line...I mention that only because I'm running out of ways to articulate how deeply your poems cut...we both bleed the same shade of blue...that line resonated with me...it would appear that your struggle to write anything about a week ago has subsided...you're writing amazing stuff at an amazing clip ;P

[KAOlmsted]

Damn. I don't even know what to say. I sincerely hope this doesn't mean what I think it means. I have a nephew who is a heroin addict. It's a slippery slope to say the least. Damn...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo (I gave you extra)

[TL Boehm]

do you love the monkey or do you love me. there something so shattering when simians are chosen over hominids. And you cannot ever tell me "oh they didn't know what they were doing" Eff that. Its always a choice. the monkey whatever it is is always a choice and the risk is always evident. Oh but the addict has to want to help himself. Whatever. They damage themselves and they damage us and it all could have been stopped if they'd just put down the damn monkey. And I know for a fact - you can refrain from picking the furry effer up in the first place. Frieda. Its aching. Its aching to go through it. This poem speaks volumes. Loudly. So many in my life have chosen monkeys over me and it sucks. It just sucks.

[TL Boehm]

Please forgive me if I am out of turn here. I just sometimes - get this rage that boils up - I am reminded of those who should have been there but weren't - and it bubbles out.

[Frieda P]

Geez, your review makes me want to scream or spill monkey guts! I am so angry and hurt and exasperated at the same time, I feel you my friend.

[TL Boehm]

whew. I kinda went off and then i hit enter and then I went OH CRAP! I can only deal with one emotion at once so when sadness and rage mix - instant idiot here.

[Frieda P]

I posted that even before I read your apology, no need to ever apologize for your feelings, not on my threads anyway....!

[David Scott]

The "monsters" have no conscious.
We are victims to our past choices that place us on the "monkey hook" in the first place.
"unyielding sorrow", as cold and hard as the barbs of fired iron pointing to that past to prevent coward progress.
Great understanding and imagery. No sugar coating this pill!

[Frieda P]

Nope, this is no placebo David, it's the real deal unfortunately, thanks dear.

[Tai Ryens]

I see the thoughts of the person losing their potential as a toxic relationship advances, and what really entices me is your protagonist seems fully aware of their resulting turmoil, yet unwilling to terminate the poison of said relationship.
Toxic courtships always seem to entice me; every day progressing the two an inch deeper into the endless pit of misery, thus making it hard to crawl out alone..

[Frieda P]

It's toxic alright, but hardly a courtship my friend, unless the lover is heroin.....

[Leslie Philibert]

Like this too, the central stanzaic form, and the powerful, dramatic content.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Leslie, always appreciate your thoughts.

[Cassie]

Hey Frieda, the pain in this poem is so clear, how do you manage to show much emotion on a piece like this. very great write indeed, you are a good poet.

[Frieda P]

You know when pure emotion just spills out of your gut and into your pen Cassie, this one more or less purged itself to the paper, thanks so much my friend.

[Cassie]

Yea I know when emotion flows from inside through the pen and to the paper and when that happens your readers will feel the emotion as they read.

[SteveB]

Wow! A sad and moving piece that is filled with emotion expressed honestly and clearly. No frills, no extra words. A sparse and brutal piece. Very well done.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Steve.

[Cool Handless Luke]

first off the title - i love catchy somewhat off-color titles like that - awesome.
i know from personal family experience - several relatives actually (2 of which died as a result of their abuse) just how painful a subject this is. not only does it lend to the misery of the person who is addicted but to all the pain and heartache it causes their friends and family. and the closer you are to the addict the more painful it is. it just leads them down a dark road that goes so much farther than just addiction. it makes them say and do things they never would have otherwise. lying and stealing always seem to follow in the wake - as if the using drugs wasn't enough. they hurt themselves and they hurt those closest to them. and they become even more miserable because it only takes the pain away briefly. they have to live with knowing what they have done. and to live questioning themselves. i am sorry, i am rambling. it's just a topic that can be so overwhelming. i have a piece i am working on now about the subject. i was unsure of where i was going with it so i have been laboring. this is a great poem frieda. very powerful and poignant. very graphic and dark and the imagery just stings you at the core. therapeutic to write and release some of it even though it is something you would just rather have no knowledge of whatsoever. this is real poetry. it's artfully crafted and creatively worded yes, but the harshness of the true pain resonates and gets you right where it hurts.

[Frieda P]

Overwhelming at best, if only purging it could make the demons all disappear. Thank you from my heart for your insightful and kind thoughts here Luke.