Vanquished Visibility

Rain in my soul....

i feel the rain upon my soul

            solitude with no escape, 

breaks the path, severs the bonds

        tedious dripping that frays the nerves

can't recall the music or feel the beat

         the scent in the air is melancholy madness

only seething of sunsets on the horizon

           i write in inky black of better times

it barely legible from the tears of rain drops

   smeared upon the page, a blur of what was once breath

and will never be, stains of yesteryear's delusions

             leave me here to sink in my obscure despair,

i've already drowned 

                 in the storm that vanquished visibility

Reviews

[Emerald Seas]

Wow, Frieda. Instantly reminded of (and brought me back to) a moment of heated poetry. I cried and cried my eyes out while writing it and the wet blots on the page I can see as if it were in front of me now.
Only a few eyes have seen it that writing. Highly encouraged to publish within my collection - yet it will forever stay in the vault. :)
You describe many, many days that I felt for a very long time over losing a friend. Could still if I let myself, but I won't
Perfect penning... I loved every line.

[Frieda P]

You know Sera, you're always teasing me with this 'vault' stuff of yours, what's it gonna take to release it? ;-)

[Emerald Seas]

Hmm - a miracle? Lol... Most is of an old situation that is best left alone. My friend used to post here too. No need to stir the pot if he ever decides to be active again. However, I haven't seen him here in we'll over a year, but still... Just best to leave it be :)

[Frieda P]

OH, now I get so get it!!

[Emerald Seas]

Hmm - probably not, since I don't but that's okay! :)

[kublakhan27]

If there's ever been a poem that should be in my favorites, it's this one...unfortunately I've not been able to add to my list for quite some time thanks to our beloved glitches...I hate it that you had to write something like this because I know the kinds of feelings that produce such writings, and it pains me to know that you're feeling them...there are times - including today - when I feel as though I've drowned in these storms...but I haven't, and neither have you...no matter how much it rains, there is still a lot of sun in that heart and soul of yours that no rains can ever usurp...

[Frieda P]

You know I love the word usurp, it's seldom used..and I know, yes, I do know. Thanks Steve. x

[Foxemerald]

This was a wonderfully sad version of an imprint that no longer exists, with an innate sensuality that awakens us. The most enriched perception becomes alive through this piece, though we are viewing it through a piece of writing that demonstrates someone's throbbing pain. Sense perception in this is refined, primal, even, capturing us in a torrential moment of burning pain, and a heart-spurred fire.

[Frieda P]

Wow, I'm glad you 'felt' this one Foxemerald, not much more a poet could ask for, thank you kindly for your review.

[Kristin Lee]

Bring on the rain. I can honestly tell you that sometimes it's ok. The wars we wage with deinal and anger are the beats that lead way to tomorrows surrender. Buttrust that today, it's always ok to have moments when we revel in the rain. Those moments of tragic sorrow are what ensure we never forget. Beautiful piece.

[Frieda P]

I agree, people try to cheer you up, but if you don't process it comes back to smack you in the face, thanks Kristin.

[Rita L. Sev]

A storm of deep sorrow - no umbrella can protect us from that. But while the sadness is absolute, the solitude need not be.

A beautiful, melancholy poem.

[Frieda P]

Wise words Rita...thank you muchly.

[emmajoy]

There are times when we want to be alone in a room, yet have people we love sitting outside the door, waiting for the slightest whisper of need. But.. there are also times when we need to swim for a shore, choking in our own tears - but.. do it. Dear friend, we've shared. (You)

[Frieda P]

I know Em, it's a rough day all around, sorry my sweet friend xo

[Aethereal]

It was very creative of you to consider a melancholy mood as being a storm. Your poem inspired me to write this tiny poem for you as a gift to do with as you like:

Storm

Melancholy storm
makes me pitch and roll
where lakes of tears form
deep within my soul
outside of the norm,
far from being whole,
frigid and not warm,
not in full control.

[Aethereal]

It was very creative of you to consider a melancholy mood as being a storm. Your poem inspired me to write this tiny poem for you as a gift to do with as you like:

Storm

Melancholy storm
makes me pitch and roll
where lakes of tears form
deep within my soul
outside of the norm,
far from being whole,
frigid and not warm,
not in full control.

[Frieda P]

I think that might be my first poetry slam here, thanks so much Aethereal.

[Aethereal]

The value of a poem is what it inspires others to create as off-shoots. Writing this off-shoot was good practice for me as all the words fell into place after reading your poem. This little poem is part of my review.

[Frieda P]

We're all an inspiration to each other, sharing and inspiring, that's what poetry is about, lovely review, thanks again!

[lee von cleef]

O K too early, I wake critical, I should of read this last night. I'll tell you the long story short. which means I'll say the same thing real fast so listen close. you put a bunch of long words in a tight space troubling my un- nimble morning mind. more coffee Please.

[Frieda P]

Sorry, next time I''ll post at night, and I already made you a fresh pot!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I have a picture of you sitting in a cave with the rain lashing as you look out to beyond the storm. Eloquent as always but brutal in its sadness and helplessness. Fight for what is yours. The right to life free of guilt and dismay and anger.

[Frieda P]

Yes John, I have my own personal cave for moments such as these....thanks.

[Jack...]

Blinded by the sadness and the pain one feels in the face of loss.

"A blur of what was once breath and never will be"
Yet they breathe on in our memories, albeit now overshadowed by the sad ones...happier memories will soon show themselves.

Sad, this poem Frieda, but beautiful when written by your hand.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Jack, I think I'm still in the state of denial....I hope you're right about that.