Vanquished Visibility

Rain in my soul....

i feel the rain upon my soul

            solitude with no escape, 

breaks the path, severs the bonds

        tedious dripping that frays the nerves

can't recall the music or feel the beat

         the scent in the air is melancholy madness

only seething of sunsets on the horizon

           i write in inky black of better times

it barely legible from the tears of rain drops

   smeared upon the page, a blur of what was once breath

and will never be, stains of yesteryear's delusions

             leave me here to sink in my obscure despair,

i've already drowned 

                 in the storm that vanquished visibility

Reviews

[Emerald Seas]

Wow, Frieda. Instantly reminded of (and brought me back to) a moment of heated poetry. I cried and cried my eyes out while writing it and the wet blots on the page I can see as if it were in front of me now.
Only a few eyes have seen it that writing. Highly encouraged to publish within my collection - yet it will forever stay in the vault. :)
You describe many, many days that I felt for a very long time over losing a friend. Could still if I let myself, but I won't
Perfect penning... I loved every line.

[Frieda P]

You know Sera, you're always teasing me with this 'vault' stuff of yours, what's it gonna take to release it? ;-)

[Emerald Seas]

Hmm - a miracle? Lol... Most is of an old situation that is best left alone. My friend used to post here too. No need to stir the pot if he ever decides to be active again. However, I haven't seen him here in we'll over a year, but still... Just best to leave it be :)

[Frieda P]

OH, now I get so get it!!

[Emerald Seas]

Hmm - probably not, since I don't but that's okay! :)

[rhythm&blues]

You struck a chord with this one, took me back to a few months ago, how I wish I could convey those feelings as you do, always an outstanding read, amazing is the only word that suits your poetry.

[InsanityWriter]

"melancholy madness"

"only seething of sunsets on the horizon"

"i've already drowned

in the storm that vanquished visibility"

Beautiful.

[Tai Ryens]

Grasping straws, hoping one of them might happen to be memory! How endearing of a topic, and you portray it intelligently with so few words. Well done, I can never have done better myself.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Tai, don't know how I missed this one, love your review.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A delicate piece really, guided without lending a hand to the reader, great inagery also my love.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Thomas, always love to see you on my page.

[TL Boehm]

can't recall the music or feel the beat
the scent in the air is melancholy madness
only seething of sunsets on the horizon

when we lose our cadence - and the daylight only brings more chaos. Its a hard place to be - and you describe it so powerfully.

[Frieda P]

Much appreciate your thoughts here TL< thanks so much.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

One of the saddest masterpieces from you yet Freda...
but strikes the eye and makes one think
I have seen the emotion in your write Freda...take care of yourself.
Thank you.

[Frieda P]

Just a dark moment kiddo, not to worry. Thanks.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

ok i wont worry

[jacob erin-cilberto]

4th line i think you meant "that frays the nerves"

this is so dark...and the ending. "vanquished visibility"

vanquished , as in...beaten totally...which is so sad...feels there will never be true visibility again.

jacob

[Frieda P]

You know jacob I think I said that in my head so many times, the words weren't making sense anymore, you're right..should be 'frays the nerves', thanks

[Frank Rogers]

Love that final couplet...very...final! Well written poem.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Frank.

[Horizon K.]

Simply lovely. What i love about your writes is they always feel so raw and true, not painted in prettier hues, though your weaving of words is always divine. And this one squeezes me, holds my chest tight with the frustrated feeling of tears that want to escape... and I can see the poetess as she write this with tears in her eyes...

[Frieda P]

I only try to paint the pretty stuff in pleasant hues, the rest has to real. Thanks so much Horizon.