Shiny Phantasm

...sorting out a nightmare

this corridor is dark and long, i know not where it leads

my nightgown caught on fire, the ending is tenuous

my dream went up in smoke i was flying naked in my head

comfortably feverish in my blissful suffering

i choose not to wake, you pricked my sleep

my functional violaceous red pain screamed 

you wanted to make a deal

i could take flight, you'd remain within the grey

you presented pandora's box 

contract was sealed, i sensed a fatal attraction

i was twisted by your tongue tied eyes

you presented a shiny diamond

i was hungry for any body with a flaw

we cozy'd up on a nonchalant sofa under a blanket of complex

shared a cuppa mocha java spiked with confusion

you handed me the key to the universe

i awoke to find they'd dropped the bomb

i missed the war and landed on the upper deck 

i didn't' need to be so high

the titanic nightmare sunk beneath three hours

the machine was out of order, i swallowed another pill

all i could hear in my head was 'shine on you crazy diamond'

Author's Note

Reviews

[Michael G.]

Interesting mismatched thoughts matched together making an Alice through a wormhole effect becoming perfect sense within that particular moment of its thought... yet...

(Listening to Pink Floyd often does this to sane thoughts and moments. It has happened to me several times.)

Climbing back down under to peek at that diamond one more time. Was the flaw apparent when first seen? Or was it wished away?

[Frieda P]

Really those are the only two things I recall about that dream, the music and the diamond, hmmm, could be a clue eh? Thanks Michael.

[Emerald Seas]

Sounds like a nightmare out of control. I was thinking of a bad marriage, but it could pertain to many life events. Great use of language to add very deep imagery to this write.

[Frieda P]

Ha bad marriage, nightmare, hmmmm. ;-) Thanks Sera. ;-)

[Rita L. Sev]

THIS is how to tell a story! Vivid, amazing images, unique metaphors... I'm sorta speechless! :) My head keeps tossing around the "cuppa mocha java spiked with confusion." Very cool write, as usual!

[Frieda P]

I'm sorta speechless at your review, thanks Rita!

[Rita L. Sev]

You, Speechless? That would truly be tragic, my friend! :)

[Frieda P]

Ha, that's not my kids say! ;-P

[Pete Langley]

You mustn`t eat cheese before you go to bed, Frieda especially mozzarella. It`s a fatal mistake. There should be a health warning on the packet. The Titanic has sunk so many times in so many heads you`d think the shipping lanes would be empty by now! I love this write, but how do you remember it all? I can only recall the terror, never the detail. P

[Frieda P]

Ha, stop picking on mozzarella first of all, second, the only part I remembered is flying naked, and the music, I filled in the blanks sweet Pete, thanks!

[Jack...]

Frieda, that long dark corridor that leads you to this nightmare is ongoing as long as your mind is capable of thought. My take on nightmares is they are the minds way of shredding our collections of dark and horrifying thoughts so that we may look beyond the past and focus on the future. This poem held so much of those thoughts, it is one of the best I think I have seen from you, though I could probably say that with each new poem that you write. This was very cool and made me think. he who presents the diamond may just be crazy enough to take it back without warning.

[Frieda P]

Wow Jack, that means a lot coming from you, love this insightful review my friend.

[AYVID N]

True she needn't have been so high, after all it sank in three hours. The narration is so full of humor and satire.

"you presented a shiny diamond
i was hungry for any body with a flaw"- How succinct can we get? Beautifully said.

"my dream went up in smoke i was flying naked in my head" - I laughed hard at this...

The lines are brilliant here Frieda...

"i awoke to find they'd dropped the bomb
i missed the war and landed on the upper deck " - Whoa! Great!

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Divya, glad you enjoyed this one. x

[Horizon K.]

under a blanket of complex...

Wow, this really does feel like a dream - nightmare, how it unfolds from one awful moment to another with a glimpse of hope, only to come crashing down.. And through it all, there is no way to guide yourself along a less marish route..

[Frieda P]

What, you don't have that kind of blanket? ;-) Thanks Horizon....

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

It is like I am watching a suspense movie, I like the vivid details of this piece, it is very intense,I can feel every lines of this poem. My favorite is the "long dark corridor heading to a burning night gown" I can imagine the struggles of women's life that leads into her distruction. The word play is insanely stunning and beautiful, I love the "cuppa mocha java spiked with confusion" it is original. Can't say anymore. The Queen is on Fire! :)

[Frieda P]

Wooo you just lit my fire with this review Marc, thanks so much..'insanely stunning' that made me do the happy dance. ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Pile on many more layers, and I'll be joining you there...

[Frieda P]

Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far....no worries, the lunatic is in my head...;-P

[kublakhan27]

That lunatic sure gets around doesn't he? ;P

[Frieda P]

I'm glad you said 'he' ;-P

[kublakhan27]

I thought about it ;)

[Frieda P]

Smart man ;-)

[kublakhan27]

You know I'm a thinker ;)

[Frieda P]

Yes but some people can still think and not be so smart. lol ;-P

[kublakhan27]

Haha I know ;)

[Frieda P]

Is there anybody out there? ;-P

[kublakhan27]

That's a good question ;P

[Frieda P]

Lol ;-P

[kublakhan27]

That was the first record I ever bought, after the CD was already branded into my teenage years...I asked myself that question a lot ;P

[Deuces]

I told you, Frieda... you're onto the next level. Loving your newest stuff, for real!

This was dark, regretful, sensual, exciting all in one. Your latest works are the makings of short films and I am enjoying them. Keep it up!

[Frieda P]

Cyn you humble me with your review, thanks so much, glad you're enjoying it...

[Harrisen Viator]

Wow, the imagery is intense. I enjoy how it sort of jumps around, which is just like a dream, because they never stay in the same setting or context. This blew my mind.

[Frieda P]

Much appreciate your visit and review Harrisen, thanks.