Shiny Phantasm

...sorting out a nightmare

this corridor is dark and long, i know not where it leads

my nightgown caught on fire, the ending is tenuous

my dream went up in smoke i was flying naked in my head

comfortably feverish in my blissful suffering

i choose not to wake, you pricked my sleep

my functional violaceous red pain screamed 

you wanted to make a deal

i could take flight, you'd remain within the grey

you presented pandora's box 

contract was sealed, i sensed a fatal attraction

i was twisted by your tongue tied eyes

you presented a shiny diamond

i was hungry for any body with a flaw

we cozy'd up on a nonchalant sofa under a blanket of complex

shared a cuppa mocha java spiked with confusion

you handed me the key to the universe

i awoke to find they'd dropped the bomb

i missed the war and landed on the upper deck 

i didn't' need to be so high

the titanic nightmare sunk beneath three hours

the machine was out of order, i swallowed another pill

all i could hear in my head was 'shine on you crazy diamond'

Author's Note

Reviews

[Michael G.]

Interesting mismatched thoughts matched together making an Alice through a wormhole effect becoming perfect sense within that particular moment of its thought... yet...

(Listening to Pink Floyd often does this to sane thoughts and moments. It has happened to me several times.)

Climbing back down under to peek at that diamond one more time. Was the flaw apparent when first seen? Or was it wished away?

[Frieda P]

Really those are the only two things I recall about that dream, the music and the diamond, hmmm, could be a clue eh? Thanks Michael.

[KeeD]

I just want to know what goes through your mind.. just for one day :D You come out with great poem after great poem.. and this was creatively ingenious. I just need to know how.. do you have like multiple people trapped in there. Cause no matter what the genre is you can write about it and how. Amazing stuff.

[InsanityWriter]

Very well done. You've captured a nightmare in this piece... Great work. :)

[Frieda P]

Glad you enjoyed it, like the new avatar by the way. ;-)

[Baby Ricochet]

I like this. It's kind of different for you. Like kinda crazy. Cool

[Frieda P]

Different than my usual crazy, ha. Thanks Mark.

[icelandicblue]

Those feverish dreams can reek havoc with the waking hours. I love how you captured their quixotic nature as one dream folds into the next like beaten egg whites. My absolute favorite line from the piece is : i was twisted by your tongue tied eyes- fabulous. Great music- love pink flyod, it fits your ending perfectly.

[Frieda P]

Beaten egg whites, I like that, thanks blue!

[shallimarRose]

"I was flying naked in my head
comfortably feverish " You had me at the title.. This is outstanding.. love the golden use of metaphor here.... shallimar

[Frieda P]

Thrilled you do shalimar, thanks.

[Barbara Walker]

Oh, this is great! Love that last line!

[Frieda P]

Thanks Barbara, much appreciated.

[jwesley]

While reading I was thinking . . . now what makes this different than any other so, so, 'pushed' horror piece - in fact almost didn't read it through ... but reached the ending and just loved it!! So glad I read it through!! And I've been listening to PF ever since "Umma Gumma" about '68 or '69 ... Dark Side of the Moon my favorite album. Too many favorite "tracks" to name a favorite.

cool write

j.

[Frieda P]

So glad I got you jazzed to listen to PF, my favorite too, thanks j.

[Dr. Wood ?]

great story...surreal and yet somehow lucid....could have been a great late sixties lyric.......Apart from the crazy diamond bit...I mean...WHO would write THAT in a song?

[Frieda P]

Ha you, if you thought of it first!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Another expressive and emotional piece set out in metaphors that rip flesh from bone!

[Frieda P]

rawr, thanks John.