A Seasoned View

A Seasoned View

A Poem by Frieda P

You said she was
       ' cold as ice'
proceeded to try
         & warm her drink
warned beforehand, 
               she watched her heart
      you drank her down spirited
       with your dark intoxicating eyes,
       like a silly school girl 
              she began to unfurl
      melted like  a frothy cube
 in your shot of lofty clouds
        somewhere between
sweet raspberries & beer,
making time with a target plan
   I watched from a  pretentious corner
       languidly peering over my comprehensive 
  sneer of  peppered vodka & ail
once you got her hot, it was all over
    her lesson for that night
still isn't clear,
when you tango with lions
  temperature settings
 have nothing to do with life
and even less to do
             with love affairs

© 2013 Frieda P


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

"once you got her hot, it was all over
her lesson for that night
still isn't clear,"

- Such a clever and cool observation....

Reminds me of the predator and it's prey. I take away from this poem...a lesson in caution...in never getting swept away...

'when you tango with lions
temperature settings
have nothing to do with life
and even less to do
with love affairs" - Awesome wisdom imparted here in such interestingly worded lines.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

11 Years Ago

Years of wisdom and a gazillion mistakes! Thanks Divya...so glad you enjoyed this one...x



Reviews

I admire your walkthrough of the earlier evening only to leave us at that moment, you watching from afar and pondering your own thoughts. How delicate your second stanza is; going from narrating the moment to narrating your own thinking. The metaphor I adhere to most, however, is your use of the word 'hot.' Though common and easily found amid many writers' diction, your explanation and thoughts lead me to wonder how such an off-topic adjective could possibly justify the affair.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Many people struggle to use continuing metaphor gracefully - that you did not, this is brilliant! "You drank her down", this line immediately grabbed my attention, it so effortlessly objectifies the sexual woman and the temptation to consume by her - to be consumed by her. Additionally your four final lines drew closure perfectly, your alliteration of life and love is enthralling! Great write

Posted 11 Years Ago


Powerful write. There is a blind passion in us all, yet some are more blinded than others. They fall headlong into the wildness of flames only to be consumed. Believe me, I've done just about anything with enough vodka and ale in me. I'm all bunny with no fur. ;)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

11 Years Ago

I bet, by the way it was vodka and ail...not ale, not that night anyway! ;-)
Part of me says I want a good view of this scene, but most of me says I'd probably throw up if I did...Vanilla is tired of being a spectator...vanilla wants action...

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

Indeed ;)
Frieda P

11 Years Ago

xD
kublakhan27

11 Years Ago

:D
i never danced with a lion but i have waltzed with a jackal or two...and even a panther once. somewhere in all your metaphor and underneath this wonderful painting is a woman embracing her inner child and yet, counting life's lessons as an underlying theme. you never cease to amaze and impress with your gift of gab and your excellent use of the literary skills at your disposal....again....color me stunned and impressed.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

11 Years Ago

Panthers are pretty sleek & sexy...color me thanking you for always giving me your support and such .. read more
quinfinn

11 Years Ago

i'm your huckleberry!
"once you got her hot, it was all over
her lesson for that night
still isn't clear,"

- Such a clever and cool observation....

Reminds me of the predator and it's prey. I take away from this poem...a lesson in caution...in never getting swept away...

'when you tango with lions
temperature settings
have nothing to do with life
and even less to do
with love affairs" - Awesome wisdom imparted here in such interestingly worded lines.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

11 Years Ago

Years of wisdom and a gazillion mistakes! Thanks Divya...so glad you enjoyed this one...x
Dear Frieda

You are rarely, if ever, out of the 'Top Writers' list.

Unseen of course, I will often pop over at times, have and look, fail to comment (a bit like the observer here albeit not pretentious at least I hope) and understand why.

So I thought I would take time out and make a few comments on this piece.

As it comes OK?

A seasoned view of life?

Yes of course.

You watch cubs at play in their mating routines as at a dance and watch how the games you once my have played (us all may have, well I did) continue to be played out in the current reality of the other, another, which other we of course ask (a friend, your daughter, just someone)?

The games we all used to play or we lived, seen again and reflected upon as an adult, perhaps with a degree of grim reality.

The young girl. First play. Entranced by a guy who has played more games than she has and has the upper hand.

Her?

" like a silly school girl
she began to unfurl
melted like a frothy cube
in your shot of lofty clouds"

The young innocent!

Him?

"when you tango with lions
temperature settings
have nothing to do with life
and even less to do
with love affairs"

The cold calculator and as you say 'making time with a target plan.'

I could go on forever about this piece. There is lots I could refer to which exemplifies why you have achieved the status you have on this site.

But to what purpose?

Praise where praise where praise is due.

At one time, I was a lion and I knew how to play the game in childhood and in adulthood. The player of all players! I found easy prey. It's called turning on the charm!

At one time, I was the silly school 'boy' and got caught in others games. Then I became vulnerable and got badly burnt.

We grow up.

Yet life never really changes does it?

But let's hope as you do here, we do as adults, we learn and move on.

I liked this.

Not sure whether that is a blessing or a curse from me.

But just take it from a well intentioned reader / reviewer who has (without being but it may sound it, like the pretentious viewer of whom you speak) experienced more of the vicissitudes of life, its highs and its lows and variety of life than most.

Perhaps I have seen too much.

But if I have, it only, I hope, adds perception and awareness rather than bitterness and rejection.

Just seeing life through their eyes as they see it.

With my warmest regards and in all friendship

James

PS Sorry I don't do brief. With a self-derogatory smile.

Posted 11 Years Ago


"When you tango with lions, temperature settings have nothing to do with life, and even less to do with love affairs." Awesome verse - a vivid, heady write!


Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

11 Years Ago

Thanks Rita, true story, glad you enjoyed it. ;-)
If you tango with a lion you get mauled and then devoured! A nice Frieda write just wish I knew who you were watching?

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

John Alexander McFadyen

11 Years Ago

Quit complaining!
Frieda P

11 Years Ago

I'm not complaining, I'm explaining, you fookin asked!!
John Alexander McFadyen

11 Years Ago

Now who's feisty lol?
I love how this piece rushes from cold to hot, hot HOT! It's got life and movement, and breathes with enticement and passion.

Seductive write!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Frieda P

11 Years Ago

Woo, really jazzing on your review rubie, thanks so much! Enjoy your weekend.
rubie

11 Years Ago

Thanks, sweetie! You too!!

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

545 Views
14 Reviews
Rating
Added on March 29, 2013
Last Updated on March 30, 2013

Author

Frieda P
Frieda P

NJ



About
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..