~Fierce Hush

there's a fierce hush aloft my heart

it flew the wings of love until~

the promise inside crashed and burned

now all i can do is play the saddest tunes

the sounds are haltingly wry

as if butterflies escaping certain death

as they flutter by your stark indifference

Reviews

[David Scott]

I can see this magical butterfly. Trapped insde a building of expectations and approval. She should be wild and free. Landing only to drink in fresh nectar and finding her way to a "home" that is a natural draw to all who share her "kinship". It is the weight of us all that she carries that leaves her to "flutter" on the floor of unlit hallways. Ah, but with the slightest breeze through the smallest window, she will feel a "fierce" longing and be born again to the clouds of her purpose. Let her rest in the "hush" intil she feels that welcome and know it is her calling. It may just be the rest she needs to fly to her highest reach.
Loved the write Frieda. You pull the words out of my own heart.

[Frieda P]

Hey David, I truly appreciate you from the bottom of my heart, but your review shouldn't be better than my poetry! Geez, what I meant to say was thanks so much, you're awe inspiring in your responses. xo

[David Scott]

Again Frieda, your words are the wings that carry the hidden thoughts from my mind. You inspire dear.

[Marie]

You have a thing with butterflies don't you? You should like the poem I just posted.

[Frieda P]

Ha yes you noticed Marie, they symbolize flight, freedom & transformation for me, who doesn't love butterflies? I will check it out, thanks.

[Androglossia]

Do you read minds, Frieda?

[Frieda P]

Only when I'm not riding my broom Maryanne. ;-)

[Androglossia]

So I'm guessing you're not riding it when you wrote this:)

[Frieda P]

Nope, it was in the shop. ;-P

[Androglossia]

LOL

[Frieda P]

xD Watch out, I should be getting it back any time soon....

[Androglossia]

Thought I'd be more careful when you don't have it.

[Frieda P]

;-) Where did you hide your story by the way?

[Androglossia]

What story? The nasty one?

[Frieda P]

hahahaha, if you say so...that's not where I went with it ;-)

[Androglossia]

It's in the bottom of my catalogue, trying to burry it down to protect it from severe damage and possible humiliation, lol.

[Frieda P]

Ha and I thought you had kahunas. ;-)

[Androglossia]

You were the first, I am yet to find the others:)

[Frieda P]

Wait...what? Lol

[Androglossia]

whatever did I say? I don't even know what kahunas is -.-

[Frieda P]

hahahaha, balls hun, balls! ;-)

[Androglossia]

lololol you got me on that! Do I look like I have one? Wait. Lemme check again.

[Frieda P]

ha I know women who have bigger ones than men ;-) oops did I just say that, shut my mouth!

[quinfinn]

they're called trannys where i come from

[Androglossia]

TOO LATE! lololol I just checked and I'm almost positive I didn't have one. And besides who needs balls when I have tongue. OOooppps!

[Androglossia]

I'm even far from being a tranny. I'm just used to using other resources. Gotta go before I exploit my own kind :D

[Frieda P]

Smart move Maryanne ;-)

[Michael G.]

Great, hard write.
I didn't know butterflies could be so loud.

[Frieda P]

You'd be amazed Michael, thanks so much.

[The 13th Eros]

Such a cold, hard place to be... burned and bruised where love once flourished. How I wish I could wash your memory of the pain of the past and bring you only waves of joy... but only you can do that, precious one. xo

[Frieda P]

Always the sweetest of words from you Eros, much appreciated, thank you. xo

[quinfinn]

quinfinn: wonders why they don't make superglue for the heart. is this why they refer to love as a bond? i felt this one right to the marrow, well done!

[Frieda P]

Great observation huckleberry...never thought of it in quite that way, thanks.

[quinfinn]

and imagine.....they call me a dreamer

[Frieda P]

:-) A beautiful dreamer....

[beautiful dreamer]

hey hey hey wait a second! that is me! i was so confused i saw my name pop up on my news feed and i'm like whaaaa?

[Frieda P]

ha, our intentions today are to confuse the entire site....Score! ;-)

[beautiful dreamer]

lol you two

[Barbara Walker]

Your intent is obvious in this short but succinct piece. It stands out from the more common poems on this subject but I take issue with the word wry. I think there is a better word you can use to describe the sound. The word actually made me stop reading, interrupting the flow to a basically great piece.

[Frieda P]

Funny you should say Barbara, I had thought of a few alternatives for that one, droll being one, I meant controlled & twisted, not sure if you came away with the same, thanks for your suggestion & kind review.

[Barbara Walker]

Just to be sure I looked up droll and my thesaurus definition is laughable, absurd, preposterous, so I don't think you want to use that. Are you wanting to say haltingly or hauntingly? Now I have really confused myself!

[Frieda P]

Haha, now you're starting to confuse me! Haltingly...yes.

[Barbara Walker]

I think I'll just shut up now! LOL

[Frieda P]

It's fine you can't possibly have a bigger mouth than moi! xD

[Barbara Walker]

LOL!

[Margarette]

From a heart full of love to a heart full of broken promises, a simple and wonderfully-written poem has risen. I'm kind of imagining it as the fluttering wings of love descending from the heavens then goes on to the person's heart. But then seeing as how promises were broken by his/her partner, the love ends and crashed head on to the ground where it then disappears as though going to non-existence. I think I've got a colorful imagination back there and I'm glad I have it just by reading your poem.Thanks for sharing!

[Frieda P]

Thanks Margarette, I love how you flew with this, much appreciated!

[Lover Of Words]

Wow beautiful... Lovely job

[Frieda P]

Thanks Kelsey.

[s y e]

Wow, you are pouring your heart on this page. It was simply beautiful!

[Frieda P]

You are simply sweet, thanks farfalle.

[s y e]

You're sweet ;-)

[khalid]

i have read alot of poems about heartbreaks, most of them were very long and have one thing to get from it, that the writer is hurt and the other was a loser. here, in your poem, i didnt feel there was any word lost. very simple but directly in target. the image you have drawn about butterflies trying to run away from death summarises it all..butterflies, as a soft sweet lovely creatures, can never be hurting. they must be victims. a person facing death is acting randomly, the same like a heartbroken person, feeling balance lost...very wonderful similarity here..

[Frieda P]

What a deep & heartfelt review, I love your thoughtfulness here khalid, thank you.