RAGE RANT

Anger is my first defense cutting to the bone

frustrated defeat my ultimate agnonizing destiny

integral denial and self-loathing my forte

stubborn resistance of reality my downfall

 hostile  anxiety demands abundant repeats

I've no patience for these horrid memories

flashbacks and body reminders totally despair me

the dance is strained beyond the steps I recall 

 game so confusing, feelings of worthlessness and shame

Constant feedback from the past on automatic pilot

destructive labored nightmares a constant pattern

devastating enamored false illusions of safety

ravaging any and all sanity beyond reparation

Wreckage strewn about in the mind and soul

deceptive appearance signifies first impression

delve deeper and the laborious crust is a falsehood

covering the plague of annihilation and mistrust

At the center lies the stricken casualties of wounded

bleeding from the core without any recourse or cure

wishing for it all to be a bad dream and waken from repulsion

hoping for the normalcy of life's vibrancy to be resumed

Without hesitation it's not death that I fear 

it's the dying inside of my being and what's left aside

waiting for a restored spirit to soar and itself redeem

to overcome this absolute mind f*****g...

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

You're starting to sound more like me than me, not in a literary sense but a mental sense...this is not unlike how I felt yesterday...yesterday was a bad day and it's too early to tell if today will be better, though I think it will be...I can usually tell early in a day how I'm gonna do the rest of that day ;P Btw, this piece is too poetic to be a rant :P

[Frieda P]

OH geez, now I'm really scared. When you spill your guts all over the page, I consider that a rant, well, it felt that to me anyway, but thanks for your kind words. You'll be alright today xo

[kublakhan27]

Haha you're probably right, I just have this habit of associating a rant with a hissy fit...obviously this is much more than that ;P xoxo

[Frieda P]

If you're breaking dishes whilst writing does that fit the bill? ;-P

[kublakhan27]

I've spent a lot of money on dishes through the course of my life...anything within reach on a bad day is fair game for me...I hope things have cooled off by the time you read this ;P

[Frieda P]

Ha yes, I found this great dollar store, I buy them out of their plates every time, the guy always looks at me weird but never asks! ;-)

[kublakhan27]

Haha yeah sometimes people just know o_o

[Mark]

When old tapes play they bring up old stuff. Some we have dealt with and some not so much. However by writing, it heals and helps us look at what was,compared to what is, and hopefully we can appreciate the progress measured by the difference. Great vent!

[Frieda P]

First it makes you feel raw and naked, and yes then it's cathartic to some extent, thanks for your insight Mark.

[Michael G.]

Another very hard edged write... written very well. I hope it helps you take another step away from the past, my friend.

[Frieda P]

They're always baby steps, but steps nonetheless, thanks so much my friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

Great description in the poem. I could feel the anger and the rage in the strong description. I enjoyed the flow of thoughts. I had to read again. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Frieda P]

Oh geez John, I would have thought once would be enough, thanks so much for your kindness.

[quinfinn]

there is a kindness lacking in your life. not your own kindness, that is patently obvious. someone to watch over and adore you. treat you you with respect and dignity. give only the softer side of themselves, full measure. i believe that the souls who have lost their way will always find redemption somewhere in life, even if not in another soul. perhaps your amazing gift for the written word represents your first steps to that redemption. you can overcome even the worst of circumstances if you will believe in the most important person in your life. that person, Frieda, is you. awesome write, my lovely friend.

[Frieda P]

A heavy sigh was released from my heart after reading this quin...you're a dear, thanks so much.

[quinfinn]

always here for you.....

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Wow that was hard edged and fierce... knowing you like I do I can understand your feelings here. But you are like the Phoenix who has risen through the ashes with vengeance to tell your story and speak for those without a voice.

[Frieda P]

Wow Dale, what a lovely thing to say...thanks so much! x

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are welcome... I am just speaking the truth.

[Emerald Seas]

Ah, I get this so well! It brings me back to those years when I finally confronted the issue at hand and felt released from the hold those horrors had on me. I do realize I was fortunate to have hashed out a lot, and face my problem head on. It affected me for a brief spell before I found a healthy relationship. The right things I either challenged myself to take on, or the opportunity to heal further presented itself and I took advantage of it.
You've a strong spirit, Frieda and you write with the conviction that your spirit will prevail over the madness of your past. Hugs!

[Frieda P]

I can't tell you how much that means to me Sera....seems an enormous impossibility some days but I'm not a quitter. Can you see me a step-by manual though, I may it on certain days. Thanks so much my dear friend, much appreciated! xo

[Emerald Seas]

Oh, a manual? Well, I don't think I have one handy... This is all I did, but it covers a lot. I faced my demon - vented my pent up rage and all the emotion that came with it.. For a year at him. Then I threatened charges in court, then I actually moved out and 3 states away at the age of 15. Kicked him out of any involvement in my life - and then blessing be that it was, he died. I joined the military, got strong inside and out - stood on my own for everything for several years, found my spiritual connection and stood in awe of that "ah ha" moment... And been pretty good ever since. I don't dwell on that past or even write of it. It doesn't define me in any way anymore.

[Frieda P]

You're an amazing, strong woman Sera, I look forward to the day when I can feel the way you do and put it all behind me. Everyone is always telling me the way to healing is 'forgiveness', there's no way that's ever going to happen in my lifetime, some things are just unforgivable...

[Emerald Seas]

I do understand that as well. I forgave in the sense that I know he was a sick and twisted man, abusive due to who he was and not who we were, his kids. I usually say abuse is abuse, but there are levels... I'll send you a note. Too personal for here.

[Frieda P]

k, thanks...

[Jack...]

This is so very deep and creates many questions in the mind. Frieda, who are you? Do you even exists or are you an angel sent to bring us wisdom...sometimes I wonder.

Very cool, but sad.

[Frieda P]

Thanks so much Jack, I only sent this to a few people to read who I thought would understand, you've been a good friend to me, I thank you kindly for that and your compassion.

[Jack...]

I will always be here to read your work and always do my best to be first in line.

[Frieda P]

♥♥