Wow profound, I love how you circled such intense imagery around the phrase don't s**t where you eat. I pictured the dagger, I pictured the cut so deep, blood trickling down feet..the dagger being used to inflict so much hurt till it's nothing but scrapped dirt and then the different perspectives where the dagger could be heartless stabs of a man ego, etc.. there are many ways to perceive this short marvelous piece and that just proves that it's brilliant writing.
J'adore....!! I love how your mind works, you always catch where I'm going... ;-)
11 Years Ago
for real ? I just sometimes think i'm crazy and perceive the total opposite of what you try to repre.. read morefor real ? I just sometimes think i'm crazy and perceive the total opposite of what you try to represent through your poems but you're to sweet to tell me other wise haha
Wow, nicely done, this little gem can be perceived in various ways and you got me thinking here...great write!!
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Oh jaysus, I'm mortified after reading your deep profound poetry, you had to pick this one to read?!.. read moreOh jaysus, I'm mortified after reading your deep profound poetry, you had to pick this one to read?! ;-)
I mean at one point the dagger will always become ineffective. You can only stab someone so many times...
I like it, Frieda. Moral number one suits the beginning better IMO.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I'd have to disagree with that Avy, sorry. If we women were smarter, maybe so...but we're like energ.. read moreI'd have to disagree with that Avy, sorry. If we women were smarter, maybe so...but we're like energizer bunnies, we keep going and going and going-back for more!
Either/or to the endings. Or make the endings both of them. Two morals... same basic meanings. Both really strong.
Posted 11 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
Thank you Michael, that's an idea, actually the second was written first...thought you guys would fl.. read moreThank you Michael, that's an idea, actually the second was written first...thought you guys would flinch!
11 Years Ago
I'm not going to flinch, unless I see your eyes. Then, I won't flinch... I'll run!
11 Years Ago
Ha, I thought you were one of the good old boys left with some kahuna's!
11 Years Ago
That's because I can run fast! Or at least I could at one time.
Though, my wife did follow Bob.. read moreThat's because I can run fast! Or at least I could at one time.
Though, my wife did follow Bob Barker's advice and had her pet spayed or neutered. (He said with a smile.)
11 Years Ago
Bob Barker? lol, wasn't he a game show host?
11 Years Ago
"The Price Is Right." He always ended by saying to always have your pet spayed or neutered.
11 Years Ago
Ewww, how strange...what's that got to do with the price of bananas?
11 Years Ago
Nothing except I really have no fear of the knife. lol. (Not much, anyway.)
Faced down a knife... and a gun before. (Not from her, and not at the same time.) Still, watched the.. read moreFaced down a knife... and a gun before. (Not from her, and not at the same time.) Still, watched the eyes... and the way the person was carrying themselves. At any rate, I still vote for a duel finish to this poem.
11 Years Ago
Yeah, it'll probably stay that way now, since nobody can make up my mind!
I do hope these have healing values to them.I can't imagine the world you were forced to live. This screams out... and obviously, no one heard in time. For that, I'm sorry.
Nope, no one home in this case, so every now and then I like to vomit it all over the WC...pardon me.. read moreNope, no one home in this case, so every now and then I like to vomit it all over the WC...pardon me. ;-)
11 Years Ago
No apology needed. I admire the way you are going about this. I'm not so sure I would be as strong.
I don't know if it's strength or the my last grasp at sanity, been going on for quite some time now,.. read moreI don't know if it's strength or the my last grasp at sanity, been going on for quite some time now, needs to be purged, you guys are the lucky ones!
11 Years Ago
Bring it. I'll shoulder part of it. And I'm sure I'm not alone. Some pretty great people here at the.. read moreBring it. I'll shoulder part of it. And I'm sure I'm not alone. Some pretty great people here at the cafe.
11 Years Ago
Yep, I found that out early on, some good people and brilliant talent. Thanks Michael, much appreci.. read moreYep, I found that out early on, some good people and brilliant talent. Thanks Michael, much appreciated. :-)
That is an interesting moral, well at least an interesting way to put it... Before seeing the ending I was thinking... you cannot give yourself completely to someone or else you lose yourself as an individual.
I like this poem, the imagery of it is great. The only thing I think that I question is the last line, as it seems quite abrupt and doesn't flow with the rest of the words. The rhyme is still there, but the rhythm is a little off. Nice work :)
See, now I honestly would not have guessed that was the moral to the story...so I'm glad you clued me in. Seemed a bit...Elizabethan maybe? Perhaps a Shakespearean actor could profess "Thine breast!" and stagger stage left? Quirky, for sure. To have this image throughout, and then to get sucker punched with the moral. You're the queen of this type of write, Frieda...we all genuflect.
hahaha, you make me *laugh* the kimmer, you hinting at being 'anointed'? ;-)
11 Years Ago
;-)
11 Years Ago
By the way, I did have an alternate ending, it was more slice and dice, way too Lorena Bobbit-ish! :.. read moreBy the way, I did have an alternate ending, it was more slice and dice, way too Lorena Bobbit-ish! :D
11 Years Ago
Ah! Well then, clearly you made the right choice ;-) Although you have my, and countless others I a.. read moreAh! Well then, clearly you made the right choice ;-) Although you have my, and countless others I am sure, curiosity piqued...
11 Years Ago
You tell me!
The moral to the story
could be simply learned
Slice an.. read moreYou tell me!
The moral to the story
could be simply learned
Slice and dice is so nice
when the onus has been earned
Maybe I should add an 'alternative' ending, let the reader choose! ha
Wow profound, I love how you circled such intense imagery around the phrase don't s**t where you eat. I pictured the dagger, I pictured the cut so deep, blood trickling down feet..the dagger being used to inflict so much hurt till it's nothing but scrapped dirt and then the different perspectives where the dagger could be heartless stabs of a man ego, etc.. there are many ways to perceive this short marvelous piece and that just proves that it's brilliant writing.
J'adore....!! I love how your mind works, you always catch where I'm going... ;-)
11 Years Ago
for real ? I just sometimes think i'm crazy and perceive the total opposite of what you try to repre.. read morefor real ? I just sometimes think i'm crazy and perceive the total opposite of what you try to represent through your poems but you're to sweet to tell me other wise haha
If you want to know me, read my poetry, it's all in there. I am a mother of three sons (my finest moments) a sister, a survivor and a little bit crazy. I lost my beloved sister to suicide, so you'll.. more..