I Breathe Grief

I breathe grief, I snort it like a coke addict

it lingers in the subliminal, it screams in the subconscious

days like these, are 'that kind of crazy'

that ugsome gut wrenching tug of diesel engines

the flashing recollection of clarity's vengeance

vehemently churning up inferno's angst and fury

racing through the mind stained black

clueless unedited timing of remembrances

smacking up the back of head and mind

never letting solace or sleep too near

in the convoluted recesses nothing lies dormant

screeching halt of life and no one see's the truth

hanging in the balance an unsolved resolution

contention captured and kept jailed for next edition

Author's Note

It seems the days that should be the best, ultimately end up being nothing more than a constant, nagging reminder of what once was and the pain and guilt behind it.

Reviews

[DrD]

I think your writing is largely therapeutic when dealing with these themes and I can only respect that. As always, you capture the biproducts of abuse and present them to the point that we almost feel them with you. I hope you can reach the point that your days are constant with happiness and with the recognition of who you are now. I appreciate your poetic skill but I appreciate you even more as a person.

[Frieda P]

You hold a special place in my heart doc, thank you so much.

[kara_marissa]

Strongly written with detailed and descriptive metaphors. Strong opening line- pinched my curiosity with the first read though that made a desperate to read again and again to fully soak the beauty of this up.
Kudos and best wishes,
Kara M.

[Frieda P]

Amazing review, thanks so much, glad you enjoyed it!

[David Scott]

The very definition of Hell I think...
The knowledge of a better fate passed by or lost forever.

[Frieda P]

Thanks David. I agree.

[Ahmad Cox]

Hug. I hope a little brightness comes into your life again.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Ahmad, there are flashes, it's the hardest thing in the world to lose a sister to suicide. Especially when you know the reasoning behind it.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

such powerful use of language and metaphore, well done

[Frieda P]

thank you Sheema, always nice to hear from you.

[That_Girl]

I think you are my long lost sister that I never wished I had but probably needed. My heart bleeds similar blood. Bravo, Frieda.... it's incredible.

[Frieda P]

Thanks Avy...I know what you mean hon.

[C.C. Marx]

When you've lost someone close to you, it always feels like you've lost a bit of yourself in the process and you find it difficult to move on. Its my first Christmas without my grandmother, but I try to not let myself lapse back into the depressed state I was in for a few weeks after her passing and attempt to enjoy the holidays like she would've wanted. I'm sorry for your loss and wish peace in this time of sadness

[Frieda P]

Thanks C.C. I'm sorry for your loss. It's so true, a little piece of us dies with them. I hope you had a peaceful holiday.

[C.C. Marx]

Thank you Frieda and peaceful isn't what I would call it, notwhen you've got a boatload of Irish men and their liquor ;)

[Frieda P]

Hahaha, I have an Irish buddy, I know of what you speak very well ;-)

[C.C. Marx]

Well cant say they don't know how to have a good time! My uncle was particularly jolly, started singing some Irish tunes and dancing about

[Frieda P]

Sounds like a fun xmas to me! My friend used to take me to every Irish pub in the city for my birthday, OMG could he drink...

[C.C. Marx]

Haha those crazy irish folk and their pubs! well my Portuguese side of the family claims they can drink with the best of them goodness knows they are rowdy bunch

[Frieda P]

Invite me next year please! :D

[C.C. Marx]

Definitely :p but know this, never bring the two sides of the families together, been there saw that and watched my mother do damage control most of the night lol

[Frieda P]

Isn't that what the holidays are about, damage control? lol

[C.C. Marx]

I guess they can be and don't get me started about the conservative side of the family, they wouldn't last a day with those crazy Portuguese relatives

[Frieda P]

Can't be any worse than a bunch of hard headed Italians in one setting!

[C.C. Marx]

Not sure a bunch of religious Swedes and a gang of obnoxious Portuguese is bound to be trouble! Swedish, Irish, portugese, I am mutt of nationalities!

[Frieda P]

Awh, mutts are the nicest!

[C.C. Marx]

And as ive been told, the most attractive ;) you know blue Swedish eyes and tan Portuguese skin a little bit of everything

[Frieda P]

haha are you comin' on to me>! ;-)

[C.C. Marx]

Nah I don't play for that team my friend

[Frieda P]

haha kidding, I speak sarcasm fluently! ;-)

[C.C. Marx]

I know that was my thinly veiled attempt at a lie.....fiddlesticks you caught me :p

[Frieda P]

You'll be sorry, I have chocolate! lol

[C.C. Marx]

Damn no chocolate!!!! Ahh what I wouldn't give for a brownie, or a pudding pie, maybe some cake, or a reeses cup oh dear I'm losing it

[Frieda P]

haha chocolate always works!

[C.C. Marx]

Exactly but alas Ive already eaten my body weight (yes all one hundred something pounds of me) in chocolately desserts and by new years I will be in a permenant sugar high or a food coma

[CS]

Yes, I know this feeling very well. The holidays can be a big trigger. Pain and guilt are useless emotions, or so I have been told, but tell that to our hearts. Thank you for sharing this, Frieda. Not an easy thing to write about but something very relatable, I think.

[Frieda P]

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people can relate. Useless emotions, perhaps, but powerful and not easy to overcome. Thanks so much Courtney.

[Patrick Henry]

I don't understand the grief, jumping from childhood, to happy "older" pictures of you, and then to the now that you write about.... almost with discontent, though it's not too apparent. The first half of your poem, you were running away from me, and I couldn't think of anything to do, but have this incredible need to run after you and hug you!! Is that crazy? It doesn't feel so, and it doesn't lend itself to feeling "sorry" for you..... just needing to be reassured that you are not blindly running into darkness in any direction that suits your mood, and second.... the second is selfish. I just want to hug you!! lol Whoops!! I think I forgot to breathe until the second to the last line, Frieda. When I reached the end, I was out of breath, and scanning the page, as if you were taking off and my eyes were trying to keep up. It's a beautiful poem with some lines that to-say-the-least ......get your heart pumping!! *Hugzz* xoxo -Your Mark

[Frieda P]

The sweetest of reviews my dear Mark, you make me smile, always. xo

[Jibey]

You write with fierce clarity ... This cri de coeur comes from deep wounds that rub against the mind's edge incessantly... 'gut wrenching', 'smacking' as you put it... Yet out of the intensity of pain can sometimes grow intensity of pleasure... Your words move and flow...stirring the depths

[Frieda P]

Thanks for the great review Jibey.