Blind Eyes

Closing their eyes to the truth.

 

You killed my inner spirit 

you cut me to the core 

I may look nicely put together 

but no one's looking past the facade 

I should get an academy award 

for my performances are above par 

Sleepwalking through all actions of time 

smile, laugh and be so merry 

accommodating and translatable 

all in a day's work to overcome 

I remember when it was still so real 

a smile meant a smile and not constrained 

blood red stains from thorns ran true 

the emotions were sincere and profound 

Just one thing left to make it complete 

would be the ceremony at life's end 

dress me up in silk and view my photo's 

burn me at high temps, granting me eternal sleep 

and people claiming 'we don't know what went wrong' 

'The business, family and three awesome kids' 

she had it all, 'where does she get off letting it fall' 

Just because I was breathing doesn't mean I was alive 

If you'd only looked a little closer and paid attention 

not turned a blind eye to reality and ugly truths 

you certainly couldn't have missed it, you'd have to see... 

He murdered me long before I lie here in this final moment

Reviews

[fiery-san]

Nicely done.

Morbidly fascinating on how despite how well people look, not everything's perfect and that one should realize the pain hidden beneath the smiles. It also tells about domestic troubles how one's fantasies faded into blackened dreams.

But may I suggest on some of the word choice, it didn't seem to fit the mood for some reason because it appeared too formal for me ( translatable, I don't immediately get the idea when I come across the word...)

Overall, I love this poem. My favorite line was the last one.The message and emotions here are tragically beautiful.

[Frieda P]

Thank you for your kind words and constructive criticisms but I'm not sure what you mean by 'formal' word choice, care to elaborate? :)

[fiery-san]

Formal. I just meant that some of the words got a bit heavy or big (it's more on the preference really so don't mind that too much)... like words more on the business-side of things and it doesn't seem to give off the effect that it should be. It deviated from the dramatic flare of things for some reason and it's kind of hard to explain to be honest because I based it on how I felt while reading it... "for my performances are above par" I just felt that you didn't need to explain because of the previous line's implication...

Anyways, I'm glad my words were well received. ^_^

[Frieda P]

Well, I'm a bit heavy :) I see what you meant about that line though, it is redundant...felt a need to emphasis the fact that I excel at it....

[Tarry Franck]

Tragic and beautifully written

[Frieda P]

Yes, it is tragic, thanks for the high praise.

[Tarry Franck]

You are quite welcomed :)

[rnuff]

WOW such an impressive piece, i feel the emotions in this write.
Very nicely written

[Frieda P]

I rate a poem by how it's affected me also, your words mean a lot. Thank you muchly. :)