Morbidly Obese

This is just how I feel with my weight journey. I've been obese my whole life and no matter what anyone tells me or how they treat me, i still feel unworthy sometimes, and today i'm struggling severel

I see the world in a scary, dark clouded way
Will i get scared, and feel low, hide from the world again today?
Can i be fearless, courageous and let myself soar?
or are the words repeating in my head, "You don't deserve happiness you fat w***e!"
Where did these thoughts come from are they my own?
the waves of disgust wash over me, and i fight to stay afloat...
I try to value myself, but it comes out differently,
I act like I'm getting rid of negativity
but instead, I'm holed up, from people I flee
No one really cares, they don't make an effort,
I could pretend people think the world of me, with perceptions I flirt...
But only to feel good a while, since I can't numb the pain,
I have everything to lose at this point, yet nothing can I gain.
I'm isolated and scared, sad to be stuck in my skin
perhaps i should have chosen purity, after all gluttony is a deadly sin
I just wish this body would shrink, so I could continue my journey
but instead I'll be 900 lbs, being carried to the morgue on a plus sized gurney
I've been lying to myself which makes me a liar,
I try to raise my self esteem higher,
but the sad part is i can't, i don't feel like I'm not good enough
so i hide the tears, and i try to act tough...
but I can't hold this facade
I'm morbidly obese, which means I'm so fat that it's macabre,
you know how that feels?
Any shred of dignity i have left needs healed!
I'm angry with myself, I'm so fat, it makes me sick
the worst part of all is that I'm my own worst critic.
"Just lose the weight, you'd be so pretty..."
But instead I'm just fat, so instead I'm pitied.

Author's Note

The views i express in my poem is not towards ANYONE else but myself. I see other plus sized women and think i wish I could look like them or have their confidence and style and class. My issues run much deeper than just the weight.

Reviews

[ShinyMouse]

Weight loss/gain isn't a simple eat more/less. I remember O used to struggle to gain and keep weight. Your weight doesn't define you, it's something you have. If you try to change because you want to make others happy it won't work because if those people leave or don't care than it will be for nothing.

Just remember people interchange skinny with healthy and that's not always true. Genetics, diet, hormones, enviroment, etc all play a role in weight. If you want to change you have to want to do it for yourself. Set long and short term goals. Loves you!!!