bedside manner

 

 

 

 

 

stooped back,

knobby knees,

liver spot-plagued skin.

 

whispy white hair

and outstretched, crooked fingers,

a smile of seven teeth.

 

 

you take her hand,

with a little disdain,

but momma always told you

to respect your elders.

 

so you sit there,

smiling, a condescending idiot,

as you tell her how lovely she looks.

 

have you brushed your hairs today?

 

 

and her deep-lined face,

contorts in a smile,

and a strand of drool slides out.

 

she opens her mouth

to tell you something important,

but all that's heard is rasping.

 

you lean closer at her command

and with her shriveled lips at your ear,

you understand what she's been trying to say.

 

"you idiot."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Brook]

I loved that you directed it towards the reader; it makes it feel much more personal. And I'm sure more than one of us can relate fairly well to the situation, although I'm not quite sure I've ever been outright called an idiot before...

Great word choice and descriptions. I liked that you kept the stanzas short and simple, so you didn't have to chew too much on those word-noodles to be able to digest it. The ending is nice and the suspense (is it appropriate to call it suspense? I don't really know another word for it here) builds up nicely. I also liked that the climax of the story also happened to be the end. It keeps you thinking a bit because there's no further conclusion, so it keeps it fresh longer.

Great job!

[Katub]

This is a great read!! I loved it!

[Sherbs Dreaming Tree Of..]

Very very well done
I love the structure of this :)

[Cocoacandy]

lol wow... nice one... thats actually pretty comedic... good work, keep it up dear...
*cocoabean*

[theunionisloud]

An attack on us youngins! Humility now, humility always.

Loved it.

[Nobody.]

hahaha! This reminds me of my dad right after his stroke. He's walking with a brace, and talking fine now, but right after was tough. I went to the hospital and told him he looked good. He whispered, "I look like s**t. I need a cigarette. This is bullshit." over and over. lol!
Great imagery here. Really well written!

[Moflo]

I liked this, a slight display of humor aided greatly by your fantastic descriptions. Great write.