Be Still My Heart

Break up.

Be still my heart.
Don�t race, or stop.
Be still my heart.
She�ll be back soon.
Be still my heart.
Don�t cry out loud.
Be still my heart.
We�ll be okay.
Be still my heart.
Don�t shatter in pain.
Be still my heart
She�ll take me back.
Be still my heart.
Don't leave me too.
Be still my heart.
Don't float away.
Be still my heart.
Love isn't our best.
Be still my heart.
She�ll be back soon...
Don�t break my heart.

Author's Note

:) Think happy.

Even though it's not...

Reviews

[Gildamare]

Erin,

I like what you have to say in this piece, just not exactly how it's said...I think you need to take out some of the stops. All those periods force the reader to stop, when the thought hasn't been fully completed yet. Try mixing it up with some commas, semi-colons, and mixing up the lines a bit. The repetition of "be still my heart" isn't necessary...perhaps every three lines or so you could repeat it.

Be still my heart;
Don't race, or stop,
Don't cry out loud.
She will be back soon.

Also, the lines don't seem to flow all the time...try rearraging them. I like to cut up lines in a poem like this & shuffle them around. Also, (I know you may have a problem with this...) don't worry so much about symmetry...'be still my heart' doesn't have to come after every other line, every three lines, or whatever...you can mix it up & suprise the reader a little. Don't make it so predictable or else it will be just another break up poem when it has potential to be so much more!

I really like the individual lines, I just want to see them woven together.

:) mazy

[a Messenger]

I have to agree with Mazy. n fact, she pretty much said everything I would have.
It is happier though. Nice job.

[Daly]

I like the tempo you used in your poem. It's like the heart of the speaker is really racing until the very end.