Be Still My Heart

Break up.

Be still my heart.
Don�t race, or stop.
Be still my heart.
She�ll be back soon.
Be still my heart.
Don�t cry out loud.
Be still my heart.
We�ll be okay.
Be still my heart.
Don�t shatter in pain.
Be still my heart
She�ll take me back.
Be still my heart.
Don't leave me too.
Be still my heart.
Don't float away.
Be still my heart.
Love isn't our best.
Be still my heart.
She�ll be back soon...
Don�t break my heart.

Author's Note

:) Think happy.

Even though it's not...

Reviews

[Gildamare]

Erin,

I like what you have to say in this piece, just not exactly how it's said...I think you need to take out some of the stops. All those periods force the reader to stop, when the thought hasn't been fully completed yet. Try mixing it up with some commas, semi-colons, and mixing up the lines a bit. The repetition of "be still my heart" isn't necessary...perhaps every three lines or so you could repeat it.

Be still my heart;
Don't race, or stop,
Don't cry out loud.
She will be back soon.

Also, the lines don't seem to flow all the time...try rearraging them. I like to cut up lines in a poem like this & shuffle them around. Also, (I know you may have a problem with this...) don't worry so much about symmetry...'be still my heart' doesn't have to come after every other line, every three lines, or whatever...you can mix it up & suprise the reader a little. Don't make it so predictable or else it will be just another break up poem when it has potential to be so much more!

I really like the individual lines, I just want to see them woven together.

:) mazy

[Antigone]

I can really connect to this poem - a lot of the time I feel like my thoughts and my heart are two different things. =) I'm catching up on the read requests, I've been really busy with my novel lately, sorry!

[[untitled]]

I think this is a good poem. I have to agree with the others it doesn't need all the stops. I do think you wrote this with a lot of emotion. Not bad!!

[Joseph - Michael]

All I can say that it was nice, yet too simple. I mean, you've used "Be still my heart" on every other line from the beginning toward at the almost end

Other than that, it's still good...

[smiggle wiggle]

This is really good but I agree with Gildamare, you stop the sentence to soon. Great job though! Keep writing!

[justjenn_2u]

Good poem. Could change some of the sentence structure to make it flow evenly. The poem is flowing, some of the sentences only need punctuation modification. Good write.

[Jrizme]

With every "Be Still My Heart" there is an increased level of heightened emotional intensity. Very strong poetry, strong message, and original delivery. GREAT WORK! :)

[Travis Lawrence]

Like it, especially the repetition, though I'm not sure why.

"Be still my heart
She'll take me back."

Was there supposed to be a period at the end of the first line? It would make sense, seeing the rest of the poem and all.

Anyway, I'll get back to your book soon, but I haven't had time to read it closely. You'll have reviews by me before next Tuesday, I promise :-)

-Travis

[larryb]

nice poem :)

[Prose-full]

a.m.a.z.i.n.g!

"Be still my heart.
Don't race, or stop."---took my breathe away immediately...i love when writers jump into the "title/object" very nice..a library favorite for sure..when did you write this?

"Be still my heart.
Don't leave me too."-------wow..love it.."One will often seperate themselves from their person and personal needs will go unmet while grieving."

i love this..

[Sean M. Addams]

your heart will beat again soon..... lots of good imagery filled emotion flows through this very well.... great job on this .