Your Death Bed

A friend hesitates to say goodbye.

As I walk in your bedroom I feel my heart sink

Down

Down

Down inside me.

Like a rock sitting at the bottom of my belly.

My eyes stay low to your wooden unsweeped floor.

I've been crying so much that my eyes are sore.

I can hear you weeze from your twin bed.

I could walk over to you, but hesitate instead.

They told me you were strong.

I thought you were strong.

I wished you were strong.

I guess they were wrong.

I wish I could see you tomorrow,

But unfortunately I have an appointment with sorrow.

I know that it took me a week to finally come in.

My biggest fear is to never see you again.

And I know that your ready, and at peace with the fact.

But what if I told you that heaven was packed?

That they don't need you there.

That death lost, and you won by a hair.

I'll be lost without you.

I'll be lonely without you.

I'll be in pain without you.

I wouldn't know what to do.

I would... die.

Well, at least I would try.

I'm leaving, and I know I should stay.

If I don't, then I'll still have nothing to say.

Well, I do, but it wouldn't matter.

It might upset you or make you even sadder.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I can say it in a thousand years, and it would still be true.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Enjoy. :)

Reviews

[Travis Lawrence]

Maybe it's because I'm sitting at home, alone after the bar, drunk and stoned (hardly clear headed!), and listening to slow, sentimental music, but this makes me tear up! And trust me, I'm not really much of a teary type, it takes a lot to get me over the top. I've never had a death-bed experience, but this makes me think of so many people who I would have such a hard time saying goodbye to, your words make it so much more real than I've ever thought before.

-Travis

[[untitled]]

This is so sad! It's really good but sad. I liked the structure and how you repeated the key sentences. This helped make it flow. It's good!

[Joseph - Michael]

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure about "Down, down" part, but as for the rest, it went through just smoothly

So, it's all good here...

[Daly]

I like how you centered your poem; it shows the speaker's focus on the person in the poem.

[smiggle wiggle]

Awww this is so sad. You do a great job at conveying emotions! Keep writing!

[DeAn]

I have yet to have anyone close to me die, but I can imagine I would feel excatly like this if that time came. I just felt it now by reading this. very sad yet clearly defined and flowed with perfection from start to finish.

great job here.

l8r g8r
-Tao

[justjenn_2u]

I think that when the time comes, how it must feel. To say goodbye, you show so much care and I could feel love radiating from this piece. God has a time for each one of us, some sooner than others. I know I say this like it wouldn't be hard, I know it would be hard - just as you explained in this poem.

[a Messenger]

The death of someone close is always hard to deal with and talk about. You've done a beautiful job here.
You've expressed all the emotion; the pain, the confusion, the fear and heartache, and you've done it well.
A beautiful write Erin.

[Azaradelle]

Heartwrenching.

You poured alot of raw emotions into this piece, and made it come alive in all its sorrow.
Powerfully written.

Well done.

Yrs.

Azaradelle.

[Vincent]

Oh my!!! I felt the same exact way when my Grandmother passed eleven years ago, so this one hit home. i loved the way that you went in order. "What if i told you heaven was packed." was my favorite line. I visualized the entire scene. Great job!!! 100!!!